This is in response to the show Worst Cooks In America on the Food Network. I admit–this is really my first exposure to reality TV, and I see the trainwreck aspect of it. 'Cause I kind of hate this show.
Anyway. . .every single female contestant on that show has cried. I don’t mean slightly wet eyes and a quiet sniffle; I mean actual, full-on crying. And, actually, I take that back–the oldest of the females, who appears to be in her fifties and who left last week–hasn’t cried. But every other one of the female contestants has. I think one of the guys has, too.
And that got me to thinking; I’m a female. I’m the same age as some of the females there. And I would never cry like that at work. It just. . .I mean, it’s not like I never cry at all, but to me, that just seems inappropriate.
So I’m starting this poll. Would you cry at work to your boss? And, if you care to share, post your answer and how old you are. 'Cause I have a semi-theory on this, but I don’t want to completely muck around with the sample.
Never, ever, ever. I’m female. It would impact my career too much, and on top of that, some of my work includes working in the field with Operations guys. If I cried there, I’d lose all respect.
In the past, I have cried once. It was embarrassing but I couldn’t control myself. I was having a miscarriage, so on top of being all hormonal, I was also sad about it. I went in to tell my (male) boss and in the middle of telling him I was on my way to the hospital, I broke down and cried. He closed the door and hugged me for a really long time. He ended up telling me that him and his wife had had a number if miscarriages and proceeded to get the phone number of the early loss clinic for me so I could go for counselling if I wanted to. He was actually one of my favorite bosses, and although I’m sure he never looked down on me for that, I’ll always regret it.
Female - I was in my early 30s, and I did cry at work. Yes, it was unprofessional, but I have a hard time stopping tears once they do start, and I tend to tear up out of extreme frustration. It’s easier to stop if no one else is around, but if a tear or two squeezes out then I feel ashamed and humiliated, and it makes it all worse.
I’ve never come close to crying at work. I have on one occasion had an argument with raised voice with my Boss.
I have been on the receiving end of a crier. A colleague, having been treated like crap by another colleague began to cry while we were both in the kitchen. I felt really awkward. I tried to say comforting things to her but I dreaded having to hug her or anything. I’m not programmed for that!
This is me, except for the “easier to stop” bit. It’s almost impossible for me to stop crying once I start. I don’t think I could stop myself from crying in front of my boss if it happened. I’d want to and try to stop, but what you want to do isn’t always the same as what you can do.
I’m better these days - if a tear or two comes up, I can usually squint my eyes a bit, do a quick rub at the corners to get rid of them, and then if I try to shift my mindset to “grouchy” then my eyes stop that annoying leaking thing. I have to act fast, though, and normally if something is shocking/whatever enough to trigger a frustrated tear, then that’s distracting.
I have, twice. Once when my son was dying; again when I got the news my mother had died.
ETA: Now that I think about it, the person I was crying in front of in the former case was no longer my teacher, and had not been in years, so “friend” is probably a more accurate description of the relationship.
I put never, and I am female, but I can see a very very small set of circumstances where I would cry. If my other half died, or something happened to him, I don’t see how I could even tell my boss without bursting into tears. Other than that, no.
As for the rest of it. I get the urge to cry at least once a day. I am one of those crying types. I fucking hate it. I said this in the other thread, but I have learned all kinds of things to stop myself, including:
Keeping a funny/silly/stupid image in my head that I pull up. For a long time it was turkeys in the rain with pancackes on their heads.
Biting the inside of my lip, hard.
Looking up at the ceiling.
Etc.
I have been humiliated a few times by crying in front of X authority figure when I was much younger and have no desire to repeat it.
Okay. . .maybe some clarification is needed, 'cause I didn’t think of that. I mean for work-related reasons. I can see losing it despite one’s self if, say, a spouse or family member died, or there was some kind of big national tragedy event.
I thought I put that in the OP, but I think I accidentally deleted it. Whoops.
I’ve cried at work on at least one occasion because I was so mad I couldn’t see straight. And crying is what happens when it gets that bad. Highly unprofessional, but I couldn’t think of any way to stop it.
I would do just about anything to avoid crying in front of my boss, including walking out of the room in mid-sentence, if necessary. I have cried at work, but only ever in the toilets. I guess you could get me to cry in front of the boss if you locked the door to stop me escaping, but that’s about it.
I look on crying when you’re upset a bit like throwing up when you’re sick. You can’t necessarily stop it - in fact, it’s not always even a good idea to do so. It’s a lot easier to control where you are when it happens.
I figured that was what you meant based on the OP, then people came with the, “Yeah, when my whole family died” stories. There was a thread about this recently, and the womenfolk came out in droves defending crying at the office, and said crying was just as uncontrollable as getting cramps during your period.
Well, I never have, but I suppose it could, under the right circumstances. I’ve never cried at work or about work - one of the blessings of never having a ‘real job’. If I cried about a job I would quit it!
So I don’t know what to choose. I’m a woman and lucky enough to have pretty good control over my tears. In my life I have cried when I didn’t want to and couldn’t help it and it is SO AWFUL. My condolances to you that have this problem.