When I get very, very frustrated I cry. Unfortunately, I sometimes get very, very frustrated at work. Right now I’m in the middle of learning my new job, getting to know new coworkers and experiencing an entirely different work culture than I’m used to.
I’m not proud. It’s embarrassing, especially since I’m in my thirties. I’m also afraid that my upsetness may be misunderstood at times since some women use tears as weapons.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve worked at my new job for over two months now and this is the first time I’ve cried. I know I’ll only feel more comfortable in my new environment and I really do love my new job and the challenges it is presenting me.
So, now that you’ve heard my sob story (nyuk nyuk nyuk), how about you? Any other people who have cried at work?
In the past 2 months? Many times. And it really stinks, because I don’t have a door to my office. Just walk right in and see me blubbering. For this reason, when I feel a frusteration-induced tear fest coming on, it’s off to the bathroom.
i have never actually cried at a job…i have definately come close…but now i am very worried that i have some form of career A.D.D. i know i am young, but i feel as though i am never going to be happy at work…i jhave definately felt complete and utter frustration…i am looking forward to the day when i will be excited to walk into my job.
So what i am trying to say is…keep a steady head, don’t let it get to you, and sooner or later, you will be the shoulder someone else has to cry on.
Oh, I HATE crying at work. Not that that helps to stop it. I’ve done it many times over the years, most recently last week, sometimes because of significant upsets IRL (I try to leave my personal life at the office door, but some things can’t be turned off that easily), other times because of comparatively small things that amounted to “the straw that broke the camel’s back”. And I’m in a cube, so I have a wall, but no door, and every little sound (and sniffle) carries to everyone within fifty feet. Like you said, crying is generally inappropriate at the office, and I don’t want to be seen as “that emotional basket-case”. I always favor the immediate exit (head down) to the bathroom, where I lock myself in the farthest stall and try to regroup. Never know what to do about that darned puffiness, though.
I had a job at a major NY museum about 15 years ago; the boss was so hellish we were literally lined up in front of the one-person bathroom for our afternoon cry.
Since then, though, I tend to just go home and crawl right into bed when I have a really bad day at work. Like Fran Leibowitz says, “sleep is death, without the responsibility.”
I think it’s the curse of females that we cry. At least, I’ve talked to lots & lots of my female friends, and we all start bawling when we’re angry or upset, and we all hate ourselves for it. It’s bad enough when it’s your significant other that you’re mad at - but when it really sucks is when it’s your boss. I cannot stand it - something happens at work, my boss is in the wrong, big confrontation happens, and I start bawling! ME! The Strong Female Type! Godddamn it, I hate that.
Last time SO and I had a fight, he accused me of crying in order to manipulate him. I’d been fighting the tears for what seemed like an eternity because I just hate doing it, and having him accuse me of doing it to make him feel bad just made it worse, so I started crying worse… what a bad cycle. What is it that makes us do this? Where’s the cure?
Yeah, me too… you can pretty much track our busy seasons by When Rose Loses It at Her Desk. My boss thinks I’m laid-back, God help her. The deal here is that we have a couple of very intense points in the year that more than make up for periodic lulls. Tons of things going on, all of which I coordinate, and it’s a given that my printer will break down, the copier will die, every other phone call will be a difficult one-- and I, at some point, will bury my head in my hands and weep.
I have not yet kicked a hole in the wall, but I’ve thrown things and behaved abusively toward the printer. No one sees any of this, of course, but I still get annoyed with myself for getting teary. It’s a natural response, but so easy to misinterpret-- if I’m crying at work, it’s not because I’m a girly freak who can’t handle real life, it’s because murder in the workplace is generally frowned upon.
I wish I could cry more when things bother me. People tease me about how it must be hard to be “perfect” and “nothing ever bothers you”, truth is I have a really hard time asking for help when I need it and showing when things bother me. Thi si a problem because you let it all bottle up and people think you are fine and expect you to “handle everything”. it sux, wish I could relax and let it all come out before it boils over.
I’ve cried just about everywhere, for all sorts of reasons. And like Athena said, it sucks when people accuse you of trying to manipulate them with your tears. It seems like the harder I’m trying to hold it back, the worse it gets. I think that we’re meant to cry; have you ever had a good long cry when there is no one around to bug you? Feels good, doesn’t it? I mean aside from the raw, puffy eyes. Perhaps every office building should be equipped with two rooms, one with nice comfy couches and tissues for the weepers, and one with lots of things to break and protective goggles for the folks who like that sort of thing.
I’ve cried just about everywhere, for all sorts of reasons. And like Athena said, it sucks when people accuse you of trying to manipulate them with your tears. It seems like the harder I’m trying to hold it back, the worse it gets. I think that we’re meant to cry; have you ever had a good long cry when there is no one around to bug you? Feels good, doesn’t it? I mean aside from the raw, puffy eyes. Perhaps every office building should be equipped with two rooms, one with nice comfy couches and tissues for the weepers, and one with lots of things to break and protective goggles for the folks who like that sort of thing.
My GAWD I love you people. I was convinced that I’d come back in here to a lot of, “Nut up Cantie! Quit that cryin’ at work!”
Thank God I’m not the only one. Friday was the worst day I’ve had in a long time. The crying jag came upon me because of a combination of inabilities: I couldn’t understand the problem that my coworkers and I were working on, I didn’t know how to tell them what I didn’t understand, and another coworker added a complicated facet to the task that should have been addressed at a later time.
The worst part (and ladies, back me up on this) is the vicious cycle it starts. I cry because I’m frustrated, then I’m crying because I’m embarrassed that I’m crying. Nightmare.
I get to a certain level of frustration, feel those tears coming on and at that point it’s inevitable. I must cry.
In another job I had a great discussion with my male coworkers about it. They told me that most men get to that level of frustration too, they just punch walls or kick trashcans instead of crying. It has to come out somehow.
Can I say love?
Can I say cathartic?
Can I say thanks?
Don’t feel bad, Cant. I’ve cried at work too. Although it’s rarely been out of frustration over learning new things. It’s usually because I have a boss that’s a jerk and has treated me badly.
I have a new job also (I started on Valentines day), so I can completely empathize with what you’re going through trying to learn everything and prove that they made the right hiring decision by doing it well (and right), even though you have no idea what you’re doing. Add to that that I have a boss that gets mad when you staple 2 faxes together by accident. Once. In 3 months. Like that makes me a total loser office manager. But let’s just ignore the fact that I’ve totally automated his office, saving him what will be thousands (and maybe even tens of thousands) of dollars in accounting and other fees, plus giving him access to reports he’s always wanted but could never get in-house. But I stapled something wrong. I must be a moron. Sheesh!
I’ve wanted to cry at least a half dozen times in the last month - but somehow I’ve managed to hold it in. Can’t say how long that’ll last though. Especially if he keeps treating me like I’m a 5 year old. But you know what, I’d sooner walk out than let him make me cry. Let’s hope I can stick to that. LOL
So anyway, chin up. I’m sure you’re doing a great job and you’ll get the hang of it soon enough. Shedding a few tears in frustration is something we’ve all done. You’re not alone.
Count me in too. I have the most overactive tear ducts. It’s not just being frustrated on the job either. Sometimes when we are chatting about something (I work with 7 guys) and they will not think anything about it (like the fact that some of the crew of the spaceship were alive when it was falling into the ocean after it blew up), but I’ll get all bleary-eyed. I usually excuse myself and head for the ladies room. But yeah, when I’m angry or frustrated, I’ll cry. It’s not just puffy eyes either. I have pale skin, so when I cry I look like someone has been repeatedly slapping me across the face. I can’t talk either. So I’m standing there trying to get my point across to my boss or co-worker with tears falling and trying to be coherent. Not gonna happen. It’s bad enough to be crying in an office environment, without catching flack from male and female co-workers who think that your weak or that it’s that time of the month. ARGHH! And it’s not about control either. If I could control whether I cried, then no one would ever see me doing it. NEVER!
In my experience, men are definitely judged ill for crying in any setting, with anyone.
I bought that hideous ‘real men can cry’ bull in the 70s, and there are a couple of very specific buttons, related to my upbringing, that when pushed hard enough can make me shed tears. I could carry on a rational conversation when this happened (and usually did, believing that leaving or even afraid wiping tears away will only draw attention to them)
I took me a long time to finally accept that hypocrisy or not, men are not “supposed” to cry, and that’s simply not going to change in my lifetime. People think you’re psycho, – and the fact that people know that’s not a valid reason to judge often makes them cast about for some excuse or embellishment.
The truth is: it’s awkward to watch someone cry, especially a co-worker you know too well to blindly ignore, I suspect that people will always jump at this socially validated excuse to condemn a person for “making” them awkward
“Why no, KP! We couldn’t possibly think any less of you!”
Yet once I went to the doctor at lunchtime. I was in alot of pain. I had no health insurance at the time. The doctor said I had to go to the E.R. and that I would have to be admitted.
I went back to work, sat for a few seconds, then burst out in a waterfall of tears. Loud, hicoughy tears. My co-workers were shocked. I was shocked. So much for my butch exterior.
I really, really like tatertot’s idea of two dedicated rooms in every office. Could we mandate that across the board, like handicapped access? (Reasonable accommodations for hyperlacrimonious employees?)
