Would you date a transsexual?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Jophiel: [[[S]hould I apologise for the fact that if I’m going to date and/or marry someone, I want that someone to be sexually attractive to me? […] I really don’t think anyone needs to feel guilty about who they do and don’t find attractive when looking for a life partner. If all I wanted was “inner qualities”, I could just as well hang out with my male friends.]]

Ok. Now, say you find your life partner, and a few years down the road she’s in an accident or develops an illness that disfigures her. Are you gonna give her the heave-ho, since she’s no longer attractive to you and “inner qualities” don’t cut it? (Answer “yes” and you will be adjudged a creep, though an honest one. Answer “no” and the question becomes how you distinguish the two situations–why she would be acceptable now, though “ugly,” as opposed to before, when you would have written her off as not your cup of tea.)

I don’t mean to be hard on you in particular, Jophiel–I’m sure you represent the large majority of opinion. I’ll even confess to having been in the position where a woman I didn’t find attractive was attracted to me–I didn’t cooperate. (I was busy chasing another woman…who didn’t find ME attractive. (The J. Geils band strikes up “Love Stinks.”) But I am NOT proud of that reaction. I’m 35 years old now, and I like to think I’ve grown out of it.

[[While your point may hold water in things like not getting a job because your obese or getting ignored at the store because you have some skin condition…]

Ah, but once we declare someone “not good enough” in one area, it’s that much easier to extend it to other areas. Not pretty enough to date…not pretty enough to be friends with…not pretty enough to employ (the customers want to see attractive clerks, after all).

All this applies to transsexuals, too… (The only reason for this sentence is so I can pretend I’m being relevant to the topic.)

Perhaps the lesson is that love, so called, is very rare, if indeed it exists at all. Maybe it’s all just lust, and we talk ourselves into the proposition that it means something more.

Rich Barr
massivemaple@hotmail.com
AOL Instant Messenger: Hrttannl

22

Also, what if you meet, date and fall in love with someone, who then tells you he (or she) is a transsexual? They are still the same attractive, funny, wonderful soul-mate they were a minute ago, but suddenly your reaction–to the very same person!–is “ewww, ick?”

Howcum?

23

Jophiel, I really enjoyed your post. Flora, yeah, I’d have to bail if I found out later that she was transsexual. Then again, I’d have to bail if I found out later that she smoked, did drugs, etc. There are some standards that I won’t compromise when looking for a lifelong mate. And yes, when I’m dating someone, it’s in anticipation of an even bigger commitment in the future. If there’s no chance of the marriage thing happening, then the dating is over as well.

24

Rich makes a good point.

I’ll confess to being picky myself. I’ve met women that I’ve liked instantly, and then they have to go and light up a cigarette. (Eww, ick)

Now, yes, this is a hard point for me to get around - but it’s not necessarily the end of the road.

Save her being some form of evil bitch, I believe I can overcome and forgive pretty much any minor quirks like smoking and former maleness. With time, I might even find them endearing, as I do some of my friends’ various vices.

25

Strainger: [[Flora, yeah, I’d have to bail if I found out later that she wastranssexual. Then again, I’d have to bail if I found out later that she smoked, did drugs, etc.]]

I think there’s a difference here. Smoking and drug use are voluntary activities. Yeah, they’re addicting, but they are nonetheless voluntary–the doer can kick them. Being a transsexual, on the other hand, is not voluntary. As I understand it, it’s not simply a matter of sexual orientation–it’s actually being the opposite gender by inclination.

I also assume this means that transsexuals are transsexuals whether they have physical procedures performed on themselves or not. This begs the question: would you be interested in a woman who was absolutely perfect in other respects…but who considered herself a gay male? (Or vice-versa, for the women here?)

Rich Barr
massivemaple@hotmail.com
AOL Instant Messenger: Hrttannl

26

I’ve been gone a few days (was moving) so I don’t get to reply until now. I’m going to have to stand on my previous statement that if someone isn’t attractive to me, I’m not going to be real interested in dating them. Them’s the breaks. What is my once attractive mate was disfigured? Well, to be honest, I don’t know. I would like to think I’d stick it out and we’d be in love enough for it to not matter, but until it happens, I can’t pretend that it’s 100% certain that I’d stick it out.
As for it extending to other areas of my life – maybe, though I try not to let it. Can I say I’ve never approached an attractive person before one not as much so? No. I’m not proud to say it, but it’s happened. But I try not to do so. But I still have to put relationships in their own special place. I’m not planning on potentially having sex with my friends, co-workers, and whoever else. I am potentially having sex with whoever I’m dating. And I want that person to be someone I want to see naked.

“I guess it is possible for one person to make a difference, although most of the time they probably shouldn’t.”