Absolute deal breaker.
Not as a potential mate, no. Would I be polite to her, as a friend of a friend, or as a business associate? Absolutely. Would I arbitrarily run up to her on the street, assuming I didn’t know her but did know the views she espouses, and begin to castigate her? No.
But … would I desire to be intimate with her, or pursue a relationship with her that theoretically could lead to marriage and having children together? NO. I could not stomach her views any more than I could stomach dating someone who believes in segregation, and if she has any internal moral consistency, she wouldn’t be able to stomach dating me either.
Given this, I’d say it’s not a deal breaker for me. I know plenty of people who feel the same, but many of them even actually support gay rights because they also recognize that they shouldn’t legislate morality or judge people for their sins when they have their own. If I were dating someone who thought homosexuality was wrong and was taking actions to limit their rights, harm, shame, or whatever else, then it would be a big deal. After all, we can’t all agree on everything, even fairly contentious issues, and particularly if someone is at a point where they’re fine to let their gay friends be, maybe it’s an opportunity to actually have a good discussion about it.
As an example, I have a friend I met about a year an a half ago. He has some pretty strong political beliefs and we were discussing a recent election and he was upset about the candidate that won and really wanted the other major party candidate. I was upset too, but mostly because I thought both awful and I voted third party. When I mentioned that, he was unhappy and, while I did, as a whole, find the candidate he preferred to be slightly less awful, he was anti-Gay and I couldn’t ethically support that. He didn’t get the big deal, but it allowed me to explain why I thought it was and I think it affected his opinion some, probably still not to the point where he’d refuse to vote for an anti-Gay candidate like me, but perhaps enough that he’d be more aware of that in the future and understanding of it.
So, I guess my point is, it’s all about where people are on the spectrum.
How old is she?
I would definitely give different credence to one who held those views at 22 then 32, or 42. We all have a lot of stupid ideas at 22, is what I’m saying.
Well first, how close of friends are they? Are they friends that she sees at parties, and occasionally meets up for dinner or movies, and they catch up on each other’s lives? Or is it like how Kim Davis said she has a gay friend, but it’s more of an acquaintance who she occasionally talks to and they were friendly with each other? If she actually has gay friends and they choose to hang out together, then I would think she must not be too adamant in her beliefs, and I would be uncomfortable, but less so. But if she said she has gay friends and it turns out to be the gay couple that lives down the street who she occasionally talks to when they see each other out, then I’d be more questioning.
Also, like **QuickSilver **said, it depends on what “let them be” means. If a gay friend starts talking about this cute new guy he’s seeing, does she ask about the cute new guy and get excited for him, or does she make a grossed out look on her face and try to change the subject?
Also, how did you find out that she thinks it’s wrong? Was it when you were having some philosophical discussion about modern morality, or when a lesbian couple announced they were engaged and everyone else was excited and she looked disapproving?
I could maybe date someone who thought homosexuality was wrong, but it would very much depend on how they acted. If it was someone who tried to shame gay people, or voted against their rights, I wouldn’t be able to deal with it.
If this is the only issue you clash on and she doesn’t make a big production out of her beliefs, I think it’s fine. Does she know that you completely accept homosexuality and if so, does she think YOU’RE morally corrupt?
Probably not, but I could be friends with such a person (assuming they were kind, decent, and respectful in their actions).
I don’t think you know what “closed minded” means. “Closed minded” isn’t about what thoughts and beliefs you hold, but about how willing you are to listen to and consider alternatives. You sound like the closed minded one here.
Quasimodal hasn’t really said how open- or closed-minded the person in question is, but if she’s open-minded enough, it’s entirely possible she’s educable or enlightenable.
This. I’m through with all that “self-loathing” crap.
Go back to Russia, commie.
Regards,
Shodan
I sure hope this wouldn’t be necessary, but 
I dumped a girl because she once told me women (she was referring to Hillary back in '08) have no business being president. :smack:
I’m with Ambivalid on this. If we don’t align on gay issues, there’s probably a whole bunch of other shit we’re not going to align on. So no thanks.
Hypothetically it’s possible but it would basically have to be a situation where I saw the potential to change her mind. As others have said, there’s also the likelihood that this sort of belief is a red flag for other areas of disagreement, and so in practice I doubt it would work out.
The problem for me would be if she was screwing over other people. If her objection to homosexuality is just “it’s icky”, that’s one thing; if she’s actively opposing their rights and treating them poorly, that’s something else.
In general, someone who is nice to me but a complete dick to strangers is not a nice person overall.
Yeah, this. Or, for that matter, living in the Bible Belt. (I live in Nashville, TN.) I can be friends with people even if I disagree with them on a variety of issues. Of course, I do agree that it certainly is always easier to be close to somebody if your attitudes about issues match up fairly well.
Yep
Yes, such opinions might be acceptable for a casual dating relationship. Holding hands at the movies, a kiss as he drops her off at the end of the evening. (Be discreet–her parents may be waiting up!)
The intimacy of marriage & childrearing might make such a difference harder to live with.
Of course, if the “dating” the OP mentions is actually “screwing”–as it usually is, these days–she’s a hypocrite. Most conservative religions do not approve of pre-marital sex.
Absolutely not. How could I be with anyone who would reject my sister the lesbian and her family?
Gives her way less credit. Actually using the ‘I’m not racist, I have black friends’ style of excuse indicates more, deeper issues than just thinking that gays are wrong for existing (not being celibate if you want to be hair-splittingly accurate). It shows a real lack of understanding of what the issues even are, and I suspect that her gay friends are much more like Kim Davis’s gay ‘friend’ than real friends.
And really, what does ‘happy to let them be’ actually mean - she doesn’t go and beat them up herself? That’s sounding a lot like the ‘nice guys’ who think hot chicks should be all over them simply because they don’t actually abuse women.
We’d be too completely opposite on too many things to mesh, so no. And yeah, just because it wouldn’t effect me personally, doesn’t mean casual bigotry doesn’t severely hurt others. I wouldn’t want to be intimate with anyone who promulgated such beliefs, certainly when they can lead to detrimental actions.
My suspicion is that it means something like what it would mean if Quasimodal had said “She has a few cigarette smoker friends—or pot smoker friends, or vegetarian friends, or meat-eater friends, or hunter friends, or…—and is happy to let them be.” i.e. they engage in behavior or lifestyles that she doesn’t approve of, but she knows better than to say anything or give them a hard time about it.
And yes, all the examples I gave are about behavior rather than orientation—about what people do rather than who they fundamentally are—but I believe that’s how a lot of people of the sort Quasimodal is describing think of homosexuality.
I’m not going to accuse this sentence of being full of straw, but it appears to have a few straw-like properties.
To me, rejecting someone as a romantic partner because she thought that homosexuality was morally wrong doesn’t sound anything even remotely like only dating someone who always agree with me on social issues. I wouldn’t dump a woman because she didn’t agree with me about UHC, or about whether or not to decriminalize drugs. I wouldn’t even dump a woman who disagreed with me about child-raising; hell, I married a woman who disagreed with me about child-raising. But, agreeing with me that “gays aren’t evil” is kind of a big deal to me.