In my first marriage I was a serial cheater. I didn’t conciously understand why but I knew something very important was missing in my marriage. We had plenty of sex, seldom fought but no real closeness, I felt she married me to take care of her daughter and herself. After 18 years of marriage she caught me and within 2 years we were divorced. I will never forget the hurt look on her face when she found out, it tore me apart. I never cheated on a woman since.
In this particular case if she would have forgiven me I think it would have worked out. The finanacial damage, loss of our business, the affect on the kids, it was a nightmare. No piece of tail is worth the pain it causes.
If I didn’t love him, I don’t think I’d be super bothered about the cheating. If I didn’t trust him about anything, obviously that would be a problem, but not every cheater is untrustworthy about everything.
And for me it *is *about the sex-with-someone-else thing, not just about the betrayal like the rest of you enlightened people.
I would be OK with that, if I could watch. Heck, I’d encourage it.
I have done this. It still didn’t work out as she never forgave herself.
I could forgive it.
I would, however, take a good look at the whole situation - the conditions surrounding the cheating, the status of the marriage, etc. - and do some serious thinking about whether the relationship is worth continuing. The cheating itself would not be a single unforgivable deal-breaker, but it would carry some real weight. I could even see scenarios where I might see how some of my behaviors may have lead to the cheating and be willing to do some mutual working on our issues.
I could have written this post myself - this is exactly how I feel. This man? This husband? I can think of very few things I could not forgive him for and I can’t conceive of him doing any of them, in truth.
As others have said - circumstances vary, and decisions are often made depending on ones situation. Personally, at this point in my life having been married and divorced before, kids almost gone, and in a steady monogamous relationship with a very healthy and fun sex life, as well as trust and love for each other that took time to build up - nope, I would not forgive. For me, it would take too long to rebuild the trust.
This sums it up for me. I think forgiveness is quite likely, because a) I don’t honestly think it’s such a terrible unforgivable transgression and b) I’ve been tempted by opportunity in the past, so can understand how it might have come about.
I actually think there are other things I’d find much harder to forgive than cheating. Drug use, for example.
This board has warped me.
The very first thing I thought of when I read the bold was a toaster…
I would happily forgive any cheating spouse, so long as she wasn’t mine.
It’s possible. Just depends on the circumstances that led to the cheating, who it was with, for how long, etc. It definitely doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker, but it could be.
You haven’t been warped enough by this board or sheep would have been the very first thing you thought of (Hi Hal!)
My answer to the question: No, doesn’t matter if she cheated with another man, woman, toaster or sheep.
No, I would forgive a one time thing if I stopped paying attention to my husband and I’d consider it a wake up call. Maybe it was d) she no longer wanted to be married but still cared for you and wanted to encourage you to seek happiness somewhere else since she already had one foot out the door.
That’s a good point. I hadn’t even thought of that one.
Not sure I’d want it to be Brad Pitt though. Maybe somebody between Brad and the delivery boy. Though if she said I was better than Brad, that would be a bit of an ego boost.
Nope.
[QUOTE=LinusK]
lThat’s a good point. I hadn’t even thought of that one.
Not sure I’d want it to be Brad Pitt though. Maybe somebody between Brad and the delivery boy. Though if she said I was better than Brad, that would be a bit of an ego boost.
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So it’s cool if your wife cheats on you with someone out of your league? What if your wife is pretty much out of your league and she’s only with you because she had some self-esteem issues to work out and one day she realizes, hey, what am I doing with** Superhal/LinusK **when I can be with Brad Pitt!
Still feel like your ego is boosted?
So she’s pathetic for sleeping with the UPS guy and you feel insulted, but she’s not pathetic for sleeping with someone far better looking and richer than you, because what… that’s a compliment to you?
That’s seriously fucked up. IMHO.
I think you seriously missed the point.
I’ll have Ross explain the concept of “The List”
Basically, what those two are saying is if their wives have a chance to bang a hot celebrity, they should take it. This isn’t a self-esteem thing.
There’s also a comedian that says “I put Sharon Stone on my list and she put Jose the landscaper on hers” That’s the whole point. It’s not going to happen…but if it did, you’ve given each other ‘permission’ to go for it. If you actually do have a chance to sleep with some hot celebrity (NSA), don’t pass it up on my account.
I like the “homeless dude or a former child star” part. 
I am still newly-wed - married August 2012 - but I’ve always said that trust is the most important aspect of a relationship and the foundation on which it’s built. Take the trust away and you have a house built on sand.
I would be absolutely devastated if my wife cheated on me, and I know she’d feel the same if I cheated on her. It’s very difficult to say now, unclouded by emotions and turmoil, what I would do. I really love my wife and I know she feels the same so it’s really difficult to picture either of us cheating. I think I would try to get past it, but it would change the nature of our entire relationship, and I’d have to wonder how solid our marriage really is.
I don’t think so. The OP doesn’t say anything a CILF list. However, both Superhal and LinusK seem to agree that they’d be okay of their wife was fucking someone above their pay grade. I’m questioning the part where that’s somehow a “compliment” to them.