After a hilariously short and one-sided conversation when I put in a reply to a blog that is unrelated to this issue, I got to wondering how more realistic people feel about this issue. I think I may be more liberal than most in my views, but maybe the dynamic of the world has changed unbeknownst to popular media.
So, since the thread title is self-explanatory, I guess answer the poll and provide info in a post? (I’ve never made a poll on here!) I’m particularly interested to see if the type of sex work and whether or not they’re still active matter to you.
Myself, as a (semi)-retired sex worker who manages to hold down a career, off-and-on love life, and even went to school for part of my approximately 3-year stint, do not find anything repellent about the idea. I’d concede that a larger proportion of sex workers than others have drug addictions, among other maladies, but I think I’d be just fine with a sufficiently responsible, level-headed hooker.
If she was emotionally healthy and stable, yeah. I’d date a mentally healthy ex prostitute.
Plus as an addendum she probably couldn’t look down on me for my embarassing behaviors. I love that trait in a woman, the inability to legitimately condescend to me.
ex-sex worker? Hell I’d marry a current sex worker, so long she did her job for mundane reasons like the money is good or she loves her job. It’s just another job field to me, only people are more upfront about screwing you than in most other professions.
No, not really. Maybe I’m a square haircut, but these people seem pretty dumb to me, IME, and I wouldn’t want them in my life. I’d probably screw them, plural, I guess, but even then, they’d have to buy me a fancy drink first. Either they’re dumb, or they think they’re smart – I don’t know which is worse. People who have high opinions of their own intelligence tend to not make good conversationalists, in my experience, so I tend to avoid a khokhem wherever possible.
Been there, done that. A couple of exes did softcore fetish/alt-porn modeling (think Suicide Girls and BDSM scenes), one good friend and former flame is a professional dominatrix, and the most recent ex was breaking into semi-amateur girl/girl porn (think Abby Winters or Thursday Night Video). Health concerns weren’t as much an issue as they would have been if boy/girl sex had been occurring, disease tests were done as appropriate, and none of them had drug issues. (Mental issues on the other hand…)
I agree with this. I think the poll is poorly designed. There is a world of difference between working a phone sex line (which is basically just acting - literally reading a script) and actual prostitution or porn. There are even gradations of porn. Simple nude modelling, for instance, is not the same as doing an anal gangbang.
Basically, I would worry the most about prostitutes, because they’re the ones who are most likely to have baggage like addiction and abuse, There’s a big chance of that in the porno industry too, although that industry is also so graded and niched that you can’t really generalize about it. Someone who does foot fetish videos is not going to be the same as someone who does scat porn.
Anyway, my answer is that it depends on how fucked up they are.
Stripper: yes to all. Strippers are hot. The fact that she takes her clothes off for men who throw money at her would not bother me.
Prostitute: no to all. Too dirty, too likely to be involved in drugs and bad karma.
Phone sex operator: depends. I’d have to see her first because I know some women with the sexiest voices don’t always match with their looks. Also, it would be awkward. Like we’re getting hot and heavy and she starts dirty talking and I’d be all “Is she just telling me what I want to hear?”
Porn actor: possibly. They do practice the safest sex (after all, their jobs depend on it) but coming home to sloppy seconds all the time would get old real fast. “Hey honey, how was your day?” “Pretty good, gave a few blowjobs, got gangbanged, got screwed in the ass a few times…” “Ready for some more action?” “No, sorry honey, I’m all tired out for today.” Damn it!
Other sex worker: I wouldn’t enjoy being with a dominatrix. Having my balls stepped on or a boot heel jammed in my ass is not my idea of fun.
I asked a guy friend this the last time there was a thread about it. He said it would depend a great deal on whether she had been doing whatever it was of her own free will, or if a guy had been pimping her. If the latter, no. He could never be sure she was completely over the guy. Or that the guy had moved on and wouldn’t be coming back to start something. He especially didn’t want to be anyone’s “savior”, because that means baggage, as mentioned above.
Let me fight some ignorance for you. Many are, yes. Not all. Just like any group of people, there are outliers. In sex work, average intelligence is abundant, and really bright people aren’t uncommon. So, making decisions based on stereotypes = never a good idea.
You DO realize that (a) stripping is no longer just about “taking clothes off for men,” yes? In many places strippers always give lap dances, and it’s generally accepted that the men orgasm during. In addition, men who know the ropes can usually get anything from a handjob to a blowjob to full sex in the club. Not all strippers/clubs do this, obviously, and it can depend on whether local laws allow touching or have these “3 feet away” rules. But, if there’s any sort of private or semi-private area where stripper and customer can go, you can bet there’s sex of some variety happening.
Also, (b) it’s not just prostitutes who are likely to be on drugs. Drugs – and alcohol abuse – have a significant presence in strip clubs. Also, there are many, many kinds of prostitutes. Street hookers? Nearly always on drugs, nearly always abuse victims, sexual and non-sexual, either in the past (often as children), or presently, or both. Same can be true of strippers, obviously. High-dollar call girls/boys? Sometimes, not always.
So your distinctions between strippers and hookers need a little work, there.
As for the poll – I answered “if retired” but that doesn’t really cover it. In addition to health and addiction issues, I’d be very cautious. There’s a lot of potential baggage/worldview issues there … I wouldn’t discount them because of their former profession, but I’d tread carefully.
There was an NPR story about a woman who took a job as the phone operator at a high end call girl operation. She talked about how there were a handful of outliers who were doing it for decent reasons (a single mother who wanted to save money to buy a house for herself and her daughter as an example) but she said most were pretty messed up on drugs and things like that. She said that celebrities and very powerful people would visit, so in that situation most still had issues.
Two big issues that I can see. Numero uno, the type of person who’d go into sex work. Usually somebody who is screwed up in one or more ways. There are outliers who are clear-headed, but how do you tell the difference? People who are screwed up often manage to hide it fairly well, for a while. Obviously an office manager at a law firm can be screwed up and hiding it too, but we’re looking at the odds. Even if the former sex worker seemed to have it together, I’d be waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Numero two-o, people who do sex work view sex as a commodity. So what does that say about the sex life you’ll have with them? They’ll view sex as an obligation, something they do for you in return for something else that you do for them. And they’re likely bored with sex. “Oh, sure we could do that. If you really want to. I mean, I’ve done it hundreds of times already, so whatever. If you like it, I guess I can do it one more time.” The point being, sex workers don’t go into sex work because they like sex. They do it because they like money. If they just liked sex, they’d just have lots of sex.
There’s the rub. A porn star is never retired, because once something gets on the internet, it’s pretty much there forever. How’d you like to explain to your 10-year old son what mommy was doing in those clips the older kids showed him at school?
There was a case in the news just a couple weeks ago where a teacher in Missouri (IIRC) had to resign because one of her students recognized her from an old porn movie.
I’d say anyone who does porn may not be stupid, but they certainly aren’t wise. They are throwing away their future.
A prostitute who does blowjobs in the men’s room of a bar for a quarter each can (theoretically) put that life behind her, just by moving to another city. A porn star can never know when someone she knows, or even in her family, will see her work on the internet.
I am not saying this from a position of moral superiority. I watch way too much porn. But every time I see some really gorgeous girl, I wonder why in the world she would throw away her future for a few hundred bucks, when she could probably make ten times as much for a much easier gig as a high end escort?
Um, I dont think you guys are aware that a high number of the “strippers” that you would have no problem marrying also work as “prostitutes” that you find reprehensible. LOL