Let’s say two people are joined together in an arranged marriage that neither of them wanted. Would you be judgmental if one of them cheated on their spouse? Assume they are legal adults but their culture strongly discourages them from saying no to a marriage arranged by their parents.
Edit: The poll won’t work, for some reason.
Poll works now, thanks to whoever fixed it!
No. Arranged marriages are a type of coercion, especially if neither of them wanted it.
Define cheating. I normally take that to mean without the other parties knowledge. In which case I would judge a person who cheated even if they are in an arranged marriage. Having sexual relations with someone exposes them to risk. It is not fair to the married party to be left ignorant of the risks thier husband or wife is taking and thus being exposed to them thierselves.
If one said to the other ‘I’m going to sleep around’ I wouldn’t consider it cheating nor would I be concerned what they do so long are they aren’t lying to sexual partners.
I wouldn’t judge if somebody cheated on an unarranged marriage. Ain’t none of my business.
“Cheating” is not much more or less than knowingly operating under a different definition of the relationship than your SO. If both parties agree they don’t want to be married, but do so for whatever reason, then it really doesn’t need to be any more complicated than, “We’re in this to support an illusion/join families for political or social reasons, whatever. How about we discreetly do who and what we want?” As long as everyone is honest about what can be expected of them, preferably before the wedding, then no foul.
I might be more willing to understand sex with a person other than one’s spouse (or emotional intimacy with a person other than one’s spouse) if an arranged marriage was the only option, and one did not like one’s spouse.
But I think a frank discussion with one’s spouse about fidelity, sexual fulfillment and true happiness is required first.
And I am seriously not ok with a system in which it is just understood that men cheat and women are expected to put up with it.
In this culture where saying no to an arranged marriage is taboo, is divorce taboo as well?
If not, then they should get a divorce.
If divorce is taboo also, spouse seeking extramarital relationships should explain to the other spouse that the plan on seeing others outside the marriage.
Honesty and integrity trump getting your rocks off.
I’m in Other because it really does depend.
As long as both members of the marriage are living up to their promises to each other, then I have no problem with it.
Good point. In this OP, though, just for clarification, either husband or wife could be the cheater.
How often does this happen? I really don’t know, I’m not trying to challenge you to a debate or anything.
My understanding (for what it’s worth – I’m an American who has only hearsay and a few conversations with Indians to go on) is that arranged marriages are pretty well liked in the cultures that have them, and that people are perfectly free to say “no” to the suitor their parents have chosen, in all but the most extreme cases.
Granted, if neither party wanted the marriage, as stipulated in the OP, I’m fighting the hypothetical. Personally, I think the rules are the same: Tell your spouse. If you both aren’t happy with the marriage, I see no reason the spouse who doesn’t want you would say you couldn’t see other people. Cheating is about dishonesty, and having sex with others with the approval (or at least foreknowledge) of all your partners is not cheating.
If your spouse didn’t like you and didn’t want to be in the marriage, but still expected fidelity, and you snuck around behind their back, that would still be cheating, in my opinion. Maybe not as bad as cheating on your loving wife of 20 years with whom you have several kids, a mortgage, and shared retirement accounts, but it’s still cheating either way. You should tell the truth to people with a personal stake in your decisions.
Let’s please note that most arranged marriages are not forced marriage. Modern arranged marriages are more like online dating with family participation than anything else. A single person and their family will get together and scout out prospects, often online. The families will generally make the introductions and have input, but the couple will have the final say when and if they want to move ahead.
Forced marriages do happen. These are when one person has no say in who and when they marry, and will be shunned by their family and community, or even physically harmed, if they resist. It’s a whole different can of beans.
Originally I put that I’d judge them, but less than a mutually agreed marriage, and more than not cheating. But being forced into a marriage you don’t want isn’t a positive thing, it feels like a severely terrible idea. In fact, I’d encourage cheating in an arranged marriage, screw that up on purpose, fuck the family that forced you into it.
That does not jibe with my research. There are not too many females in arranged marriages who have had any -real- say in the matter. Most of them are barely adolescent when they are married off. I’m not saying that happy, inclusive arranged marriages don’t exist, but they are a rarity. Don’t let a few good examples placate you. Likewise, to the same extent that the majority of people are pretty good folks, the majority of these girls will wind up tied to pretty good men. It is still not true to say that they had any choice in the matter.
In actuality, halfto most (depending on area) arranged marriages include a woman under 17 years of age. I did a good bit of reasearch on this in the past, and internet searched it pretty thoroughly just now, and I have been unable to identify any geographic region in which arranged marriage was common, but child marriage was not.
A few choice excerpts from: Child marriage - Wikipedia (cites are available at the link. Most are UNICEF sponsored studies.)
If I don’t have a relationship of some kind with one of the two people involved then it’s none of my business. Even if one of the parties was a close friend or relative it would have to be something more than a simple indiscretion to judge them in any way. Whether or not the marriage is arranged is irrelevant.
Oh, and to answer the OP, if divorce were an option, and she had economic options to support herself and her children, then yes, I would judge them. I would not call it cheating if they had agreed to an open marriage. But in the majority of these cases, the woman has no option to choose her own life except on the sly. Even then she is risking burning, stoning, having acid thrown on her, just all sorts of horrific outcomes for which no one will ever be held responsible, and which may also be visited upon her children.
So for her to give in to any man not willing/able to carry her and children off to a safe and comfortable life, well it would be immensely stupid. It’s horribly unfair, but that’s the reality.
<I>United States
Child marriage, as defined by UNICEF, is observed in the United States. The UNICEF definition of child marriage includes couples who are formally married, or who live together as a sexually active couple in an informal union, with at least one member — usually the girl — being less than 18 years old.[1] The latter practice is more common in the United States, and it is officially called cohabitation. According to a 2010 report by National Center for Health Statistics, an agency of the government of United States, 2.1% of all girls in the 15-17 age group were in a child marriage. In the age group of 15-19, 7.6% of all girls in the United States were formally married or in an informal union. The child marriage rates were higher for certain ethnic groups and states. In Hispanic groups, for example, 6.6% of all girls in the 15-17 age group were formally married or in an informal union, and 13% of the 15-19 age group were.[141] (NOTE - the girl’s consent IS required - TruCelt)</I>
I don’t really endorse people under 18 having sex, but this is a hilariously innacurate definition of ‘child marriage’, given that UNICEF admits right up front that many of these ‘child marriages’ aren’t ‘marriages’, and don’t involve ‘children’.
I try not to judge people, period. I’m not always successful, of course, but that’s my goal.
Normally I would say if you are tempted to cheat just get a divorce and be done with it. But an arranged marriage is so against everything I feel right that I would probably give it a pass.
No. In fact, I’d be more likely to judge someone for being in an arranged marriage in the first place. 
j/k no judgments for either. 
