Thank God for this thread. I have now dumped my SO. She went allin with a raise and a call in front of her when she only had pocket 5s. How could I have a proper relationship with her after that?
Can someone decipher this.
Spectacularly stupid? Only if it is an ongoing act with no sign of regard for consequences to the feelings of others. In fact I’m leaving for work next Monday from my new place.
Not too sure how she’s gonna pay rent…but I’m sure she has at least one marketable skill that she’s not afraid to practice.
But for a one time mistake? Even infidelity if the person is repentant & makes good on promises to reform? Never. We’re human. Some of us.
C’mon tiggr, it’s a poker reference with a typo.
“She went calling with a raise”
I’m afraid I don’t have enough practical experience with intoxicants. I’m not really sure how much of a lapse of judgment it would be to fall asleep while smoking a joint.
I guess the main thing that would motivate me to leave him would be if he violated my trust in him. Him doing something that, in retrospect, was really dumb, but it was due to a momentary mental lapse, then I would stick by him. I might be really mad, but I’d certainly forgive him. If he had done something that I felt we were both in agreement is something that we do not do, it would be much harder to forgive him.
If he came drove home drunk, as in your case, then there would be heated words. We already have a clear understanding that if you drink, even half a glass of beer or wine, you do. not. drive. I can’t imagine him driving drunk, ever. (But at least I have a grasp on drunk driving and how easy it is to not drive drunk, unlike the pot example.) Even if he got picked up, I’d stick by him, with the clear understanding that he had done a stupid, dangerous, immoral thing, and it absolutely will not happen again.
If there was a second time, with or without an arrest, then . . . Well, I think I’d still stick by him, but we’d have to discuss treatment, etc. to rebuild the trust between us. It would be extremely important for me that we get it resolved 1) for personal reasons (my dad’s an alcoholic) and 2) for moral reasons, because driving drunk endangers everyone on the road, and my husband has done it twice, which means that either he is not the moral man I thought he was, or he has a drinking problem that is causing him to behave in an uncharacteristically immoral way. As much as you can say this without having been tested, I believe I could stick with him through thick and thin, as long as he was trying to get help. If he didn’t agree with me that there was a problem, I’d be out of there.
If he got treatment but still there was a third incident, then I think that would send me the clear message that he doesn’t respect me enough to get this problem in hand, or he was simply unable to control his drinking, and I would lean strongly toward leaving him. Mostly because I don’t want to be married to my dad. It’s really gutwrenching to think about abandoning him to the disease, but I hoep that I will have the courage not to stick around in a miserable marriage to an alcoholic.
What you’re describing is not something spectacularly stupid. It’s repeating the same stupid behavior over and over again. Presumably you have spoken to him about this, and more than once?
If you’ve repeatedly warned him that this behavior has to stop, and it doesn’t and is very troubling to you, you might consider leaving him whether he gets caught by the policw or not.
And I don’t really get you OP. There is a WORLD of differnce bewteen drunk driving and robbing a bank
Pretend that I don’t think there is, and explain the difference to me, please.
Podkayne, I think this affected me more than it apparently would anyone else because I have a father who couldn’t be bothered to hold down a steady job to support his wife and five kids. Me supporting a man who can’t or won’t work is a big, big issue to me, and the thought of my husband losing his job over a couple of beers really bothers me. And for the record, I usually work too - just laid off at the moment.
One can drive legally sober and illegally drunk. It’s arguable that one can do the latter without fully realizing it, as the difference is a matter of impaired judgement and abilities
One cannot rob a bank legally sober and illigally drunk. It’s not something one can “make a mistake” about. Any way you cut it, robbing a bank is a deliberate criminal act for gain.