Would you let your 7 year old son wear a dress to school?

[Elemenopy]

@The_wind_of_my_soul

Is it common for girls to wear dresses to school? Because when I was seven, girls didn’t wear dresses except maybe on school picture day, because dresses made it hard to participate in recess. In fact, wearing a dress was such an odd occurrence that to this day, I remember when a classmate of mine (incidentally, the most popular girl in my class) wore a dress one day in 4th or 5th grade. I remember her walking around the blacktop with a friend at recess because there wasn’t much else she could do in her dress.

My daughter turns 6 in a few weeks and wears dresses (or pinafore outfits) almost exclusively to school. Her (vehement!) choice. Now, they tend to be on the wash-and-wear side, like this, so I doubt she has any trouble at recess. Biggest problem is getting her to wear sneakers on gym days.

My son, who is turning 3, has asked to wear a few of her things to preschool, and I’ve allowed it. Nothing super dainty so far. Of course, he’s already been wearing her plainer castoffs (t shirts, sweaters, etc.). At 7…I don’t know…probably not in this environment. Unless it was on the subtler side, like the outfit I linked to. I’d likely send a note to the teacher. Where I live, there’s a less-than-zero chance they might think I was punishing him.

[Grrr]

Not just no, but fuck no.

He’s welcome to wear one around the house if he likes.

@Maurie

For those of you who would not allow it or try to talk him out of it, what would you say to him?

I would tell him “no” and that would be the end of it. I’m not obligated to justify my decisions to a 7yo.

[Machine_Elf]

@Slash1972

Is this sort of forward thinking and comprehension of the consequences of ones actions something a typical 7 year old is capable of?

On his own, probably not - but with a parent prompting him to consider these things, maybe so. Overall, it might serve as a good lesson in the importance of planning/forethought.

[Sunny_Daze]

I think I would start with him wearing a dress around the house to see if it’s what he thinks it is like. Then maybe out of the house on weekends, and then move onto the longer conversation about what it might be like at school.

My daughter’s best friend (male) in kindergarten did this. He ended up often wearing a dress at home, but opted not to wear a dress at school.

IOW, if he wants to experiment, let him, but put up some easy stepping stones.

[Mean_Mr.Mustard]

Hell absolutely no.

If he asks why not, my answer is ‘because I said so’.
mmm

[Leaffan]

@Grrr

Not just no, but fuck no.

He’s welcome to wear one around the house if he likes.

I would tell him “no” and that would be the end of it. I’m not obligated to justify my decisions to a 7yo.

@Mean_Mr.Mustard

Hell absolutely no.

If he asks why not, my answer is ‘because I said so’.
mmm

Are you guys even parents? Do you have no empathy?

[jtur88]

I would explain to him that it is fine for him to do whatever he wants in his own private affairs, but society is not ready for people with unusual inclinations to do things publicly that are outside the mainstream. Society consists of lots of different people, and some are fundamentally cruel enough to make life difficult for people they do not understand. Wearing a dress to school would trigger a lot of less secure people to do things that would make life very difficult for you.

You want to validate yourself by dressing according to your own style and persona. Now be ready for other people who want to validate themselves by making life miserable for you. That is your trade-off.

Take comfort in the fact that here at home, what you wear is fine. But there are private matters that people keep at home, and don’t try to explain to people who will not understand.

[Beren_Erchamion]

@Leaffan

Are you guys even parents? Do you have no empathy?

I hope not, because God help those kids ever functioning on their own if they are.

[Beren_Erchamion]

@Grrr

I’m not obligated to justify my decisions to a 7yo.

Because it’s all about you, right? Your convenience and sense of self-satisfaction are the most important thing here, right? Certainly more important than preparing the child to understand and function independently in the world around him.

[Aspidistra]

@Slash1972

Sure, the same way I would care if he wanted to wear a full Spiderman costume, or just his underwear. That is, no, he is not wearing a dress to school.

Funny you should say that. When my older daughter was about 7, she decided that she wanted to wear her tiger onesie to school on a regular basis. We had a little conversation about it, along the lines of

-So, you know people are going to find this weird, right?
-Yep
-And may give you attitude about it?
-Yep

And they did find it weird, and they did give her attitude, and she kind of shrugged her shoulders about it, and after a couple of months the attitude turned into “oh yeah, that’s just R in her tiger suit, whatever…”. She did that for about two years, then got sick of it (just before the point where they got fashionable, and everyone was doing it ;))

Just undies, obviously, is out, because it doesn’t pass all my three clothing criteria:
-Is it clean?
-Does it cover your body?
-Is it appropriate to the weather?

So…the Small Boy in a dress? Well, he’s already done it, for certain values of “to school” (as a preschooler, hanging around to pick up his sisters) - I honestly don’t remember if he ever wore a dress to preschool. Obviously a boy in a dress would require a lot more managing than a girl in a tiger suit, but I have faith in the school community that any incipient bullying would be headed off by legions of teachers ready to spring from the woodwork announcing ‘we do not pull that kind of crap here!!’

On the other hand, I did feel obliged to warn him at one point, when he was wearing the Smaller Girl’s pink hat and gloves, that there might well be kids who would give him ‘pink is for girls’ attitude - at which point he dropped it like a hot potato. So…it’s a road I wouldn’t push to go down unless it was really important to my kid, but if it was - well, I think it’s doable. Your school’s mileage may vary.

[Maggie_the_Ocelot]

I would talk to him about how he might get teased by the other kids, and I would let the teacher know ahead of time so she could keep an eye out. But if he was resolute on it, sure I would let him.

For those who wouldn’t, why not? Because you’re afraid of him being teased, or because you think it’s something boys just shouldn’t do, or ???

[panache45]

@The_wind_of_my_soul

Is it common for girls to wear dresses to school? Because when I was seven, girls didn’t wear dresses except maybe on school picture day, because dresses made it hard to participate in recess. In fact, wearing a dress was such an odd occurrence that to this day, I remember when a classmate of mine (incidentally, the most popular girl in my class) wore a dress one day in 4th or 5th grade. I remember her walking around the blacktop with a friend at recess because there wasn’t much else she could do in her dress.

When I was in school, girls wore dresses. And slips and petticoats. But never patent leather shoes. And they didn’t play “boys’ games” during recess.

@Musicat

I wore a dress at age ~7. It didn’t turn me gay or trans-gendered, and I wasn’t bullied.

But it was only for one day: Halloween. And I was more conservatively/conventionally dressed than many of my peers.

So there.

When I was in kindergarten, I wanted to be a witch for Halloween. So my mother and I put together a truly wicked witch costume. I was the envy of the entire class. That didn’t “turn me gay”, but apparently something did.

@Beren_Erchamion

I hope not, because God help those kids ever functioning on their own if they are.

My father was of the “Goddamn it, I said so” school (followed by removal of his belt). Didn’t teach me one thing about functioning; I had to learn that on the streets.

[Guinastasia]

Around the house, absolutely. To school, probably not. I’d be extremely worried about the bullying he’d have to deal with, and kids can be merciless.

Perhaps a compromise could be a kilt?

[Martini_Enfield]

No, I wouldn’t.

I’d explain to him that society has certain standards people are expected to abide by and one of them is that boys don’t wear girls’ dresses. Just as Dad can’t wear his Las Vegas retro pin-up model art T-shirt to work, 7yo boys can’t wear girls’ dresses to school.

However, if he wanted to wear a kilt to school, I’d be A-OK with that.

[Quartz]

@Maurie

but both are concerned about potential bullying.

This. This is the sort of incident that everyone will remember and he will suffer for years because of it.

Just don’t do it.

OTOH does he actually mean a female dress? Perhaps he actually means a kilt?

[RivkahChaya]

I would ask him why he wants to wear a dress. Does he want to know what it feels like, does he want to wear girls’ clothes, or does he want attention?

If he wants to wear girls’ clothes, I would take him to the store, and buy him some jeans and a shirt with some pink or purple on it in the girls’ department, and tell him he can wear those to school, but that the reality is that a boy in a dress is going to get teased, and I don’t want him to get his feelings hurt. If he likes his girls’ clothes, and after a few days, feels “better” somehow because he is wearing them, we will get him some more, even girls pjs and underwear.

If he is adamant about wearing a dress, then I would tell him he can wear one around the house. If he likes the feel of non-pants, for some reason, we might visit a Util-a-kilt, or other boys’ wear that is non-pants (with underwear). He will still get teased, but possibly not to the same extent, and he will be able to defend his choice as menswear.

If he just wants to be different, for some reason (doubtful, but who knows?) maybe he just needs more input into choosing his own clothing, even if he chooses an oversized shirt, plaid pants, and two different socks.

If, after a little experimenting, it develops that he thinks he is a girl, and wants to present as a girl in more than just dress, but in hair, and with a girl’s name, I will take the idea very seriously. I am aware that people who are transgendered almost always knew from early childhood. I am also aware that some people are not traditionally gendered, and a few people go through a phase. I don’t want to take too big a step at once, and have to backtrack, but if he is transgendered, I want to make his homelife an oasis, because life in general is going to be tough.

[Scumpup]

No dress.

[Leaffan]

@RivkahChaya

…
If, after a little experimenting, it develops that he thinks he is a girl, and wants to present as a girl in more than just dress, but in hair, and with a girl’s name, I will take the idea very seriously. I am aware that people who are transgendered almost always knew from early childhood. I am also aware that some people are not traditionally gendered, and a few people go through a phase. I don’t want to take too big a step at once, and have to backtrack, but if he is transgendered, I want to make his homelife an oasis, because life in general is going to be tough.

Jesus. I said almost the same thing in post 18 and no one addressed it. Thanks.

[Grrr]

@Leaffan

Are you guys even parents? Do you have no empathy?

Yes I’m a parent of of boy who recently graduated, and is currently gainfully employed.

@Beren_Erchamion

I hope not, because God help those kids ever functioning on their own if they are.

@Beren_Erchamion

Because it’s all about you, right? Your convenience and sense of self-satisfaction are the most important thing here, right? Certainly more important than preparing the child to understand and function independently in the world around him.

I’m not even going to get into this. There are not enough rolleyes in the world.:rolleyes:

[RivkahChaya]

@Leaffan

Jesus. I said almost the same thing in post 18 and no one addressed it. Thanks.

No. You told a personal story, then gave your opinion on the dress issue, which is different from mine. I gave my opinion completely in the hypothetical, in response to the OP.

You didn’t really go much into how you handled your son’s situation, or where he is right now. Is he transitioning? presenting as female? or is he now your son, but at birth was to appearances your daughter?