So if you tell your child “no because I said so”, this is going to warp the kid for life? Huh. I had parents who (not every time but often) said no without an explanation, and while there are those who would say I grew up warped, that was not the reason.
Yes. Transitioning, and starting to present as female. It takes a bit of time for hormone treatments to kick in.
I handled it fine. Difficult? You bet, but she has my total support.
Saying “no, because I said so” in relation to going to a concert or sleeping over at Billy’s is not the same thing as “can I wear a dress to school.”
Not even close. If you don’t understand this, then I’m not sure what else to say.
Is there a compromise item, like say, a ‘utili-kilt’ that would let the kid have a chance to have a skirt experience without people giving kiddo too much crap?
FWIW I’d let my son wear a dress if it was important to him.
kids get teased. there is NOTHING you can do to stop it. let him wear the dress.
mc
If it was my kid, I assume I would have a good assessment of whether it was a good idea or not, based on his regular behaviour, his friends and enemies, and the school environment. My gut instinct, as a bullied kid myself, is that it’s a bad idea. But times have changed in a lot of ways since I was that young.
On the other hand, I was a kid who did his own thing. I never did weird things to be provocative, I did them because they seemed like a fun or good idea to do at the time. I haven’t really stopped; though I’m less weird, I still do things for my own reasons and not in consideration of reactions from others. Peer pressure, likewise, has never factored into my life. I figure as long as I’m not doing anything actively obstructive or harmful, I can do what I like. I would hope my own kid would have the same approach to life, and if that’s what he wanted, then why not*?
Luckily I do not have a kid, so it’s all just theoretical.
*well, there may be many reasons why not
They should check if the school has a dress code, no pun intended. The question of school attire might very well be moot.
Well no, I don’t understand that. Maybe someone else could explain it to me.
A kilt is likely to draw more ridicule than a dress.
Don’t have a kid, but all my schools had uniforms, so no.
FWIW, my son really likes the color purple, and we had a hard time finding it in the boys’ department. We bought some socks and shirts in the girls’ department that had lots of purple, and I fortunately am handy with a sewing machine. I removed lace and ruffles and puffy shoulders, and he was happy. I’d have done the same if he’d liked pink. Oddly, we found dress shirts for boys that were “pastel purple” (ie, lavender), but no real purple in the boys section. We made some tie-dyed shirts and socks with lots of purple as well.
It was kind of a neat bonding experience. He still likes purple, but he’s not obsessed with having purple clothes anymore.
ETA: My son never got teased once, but he is also very big for his age. Sorry to say, but it does make a difference. I might let a big kid who usually gets picked first in sports wear a dress before I’d let a little kid who is klutzy and already struggling with math and science.
One of my daughter’s mates was wearing a kilt on photo day (and maybe other days for all I know … I don’t have photographic evidence!). He totally rocked the look, and looks extremely comfortable with it in the photo. OTOH, he’s just generally a very popular, outgoing, well-liked kid - not in any way a bully-magnet. That does make a difference
Absolutely. And kilts are widely regarded as menswear - in fact, extra-manly menswear - so no-one is likely to give anyone flak for wearing one unironically, especially if they’re obviously comfortable with the look!
Do 7-year-old bullies understand that kilts are extra-manly, or are they just skirts to them? Oh sure, it can be an opportunity to educate them about kilts. If that’s the case, they can also be educated about boys wearing dresses.
Lots of people have Scottish heritage and their 7yo kids may have seen relatives wearing kilts as part of a traditional dress.
Seeing little boys wearing girls’ dresses still falls into “the bad kind of weird” category in most places, unfortunately for the small number of small boys who might want to wear them in public.
Are you not aware at all of LGBTQ issues and the world of difference between those and wanting to go to a concert?None at all? Not in the slightest?
Not to say that a seven-year-old boy who wants to wear a dress automatically means that they have gender dysphoria, but I would sure as well would like to know more about the reason they want to wear girls clothes.
RivkahChaya had an excellent post about some of the things I would like to know.
Simply shutting them off with the “Hell no. I’m father shut up.” is not going to help your communication and if they have gender dysporia, knowing about it sooner than later is much better as well as learning how to be supportive. (Hint. “Hell no. I’m the father.” isn’t a way of being supportive.)
For me, my son is six and already is really worried about what others think of him. He cried when he didn’t like his haircut because he was worried that others would think he looked like a mushroom.
So if my son wanted to wear a dress and we discussed that people may laugh at him, then it’s likely something is happening.
And the degree of respect or lack thereof for said child is duly noted.
And how does that teach him how to navigate the world?
Yep. And still have problems with somethings.
Dress/tunic/long shirt + leggings is pretty much the uniform for girls these days.
Pretty good discussion here. One thing quick - Please do not use “Because I said so!” as a reason. It annoyed me to no end when I was a kid, so I wouldn’t want to annoy my kids that way.
I tend to let my kids do whatever they want, unless 1) They already know they are not allowed, 2) it hurts somebody. Also, if they make a mess they need to clean it up.
So, I guess I would let the dress wearing go, as I stated above after I changed my mind, but would ask about WHY he wanted to wear it, and send a change of clothes.
Of course, they aren’t two or three.
I consulted an expert on children’s cognitive capabilities and cultural sensitivities – my six-year-old son.
The dialogue went as follows:
TB: What would happen if a boy wore a dress to school?
Child development expert: (Points his finger at the imaginary boy and starts to laugh, hysterically.)
TB: OK, finish your dinner.
Interestingly, the other expert, my daughter (8), said it wouldn’t matter.
Children at that age are extremely cognizant of the differences between boys and girls. Some things matter more for most boys and some things matter for girls, but they are highly aware of “girl things” and “boy things.”
As one author related a story about four-year-olds, one boy wanted to wear a barrette in his hair. Another boy started calling him a girl and the first boy keep insisting he was a boy.
The second boy wouldn’t let go of it so out of frustration, the boy pulled down his pants reveling what he thought was definitive proof. The other boy dismissed it saying that anyone could have a penis but only girls wore barrettes.
A four-year-old may not understand what the other boy’s reactions will be, but a seven-year-old should. If they don’t, then possibly there are other developmental issues going on.
If he understands the potential consequences and still want to, I would really like to know why. If he doesn’t understand them, then we need to discuss that.
I’m an alien from a different world and learning about your customs. I see that you wear clothing for several reasons (protection, modesty, etc). I understand that most people are born with certain genitalia.
Explain to me why that genitalia needs to dictate things like:
- Your role in society
- How and why it is important for the clothing you wear to be constructed in certain manners.
- Why over time and space, certain things like young males wearing dresses used to be ok and now it’s not. Or how females used to be forbidden to wearing pants, but now it’s ok.
- Please explain why there is major importance on the construction of the garment.