We’ve never been asked about separate checks. In fact, the last time we had dinner out with my gf’s family (table of twelve) we were not asked. The check came and nobody made a move. Everyone was chatting; so I paid the check, left the tip, and we all eventually left.
Days later my gf’s brother called to ask her if he could give her some money towards dinner. He thought she’d paid. She denied paying and called her mom to see if she had paid.
Eventually she asked me if I saw who paid for dinner. Oh, well.
My wife and I are also an interracial couple in our 40s but I never get asked about separate checks. We must put out “old married couple” vibes in full force.
Is it possible that your observation is confirmation-biased? Have you actually kept accurate records of the number of meals you have eaten and the number of times you were asked about separate checks? Then compared the “on-the-road” tally with the “at-home” one?
Or are you remembering some meals and forgetting others?
There definitely is a regional element to it. In Chicago, I can’t ever remember being asked whether me and my dining companion would like separate checks. When my cousin and I took a road trip a few years ago down to Tennessee, as soon as we got far enough away from Chicago, pretty much every place as a matter of course asked us whether we wanted split checks. It was so different than what we were used to that we took notice. In Chicago, they generally will split checks if you ask them to, but much of the time they look completely annoyed by the request, so it’s customary just to get one big check and sort it out amongst the diners.
Now, obviously, this doesn’t quite speak to your point about traveling along with your wife. I haven’t done the above trip with my wife, so I couldn’t tell you if people would automatically assume we’re a couple and not ask us about splitting checks, or if just as a matter of course they would ask. But I can confirm there is a regional element to it.
This happened to my husband and me two weeks ago. He’s older than I am, and maybe the waitress thought he was my father or something, but I found it odd. I chalk it up to her inexperience - she also mixed up the checks and credit cards between us and another table… twice! Poor thing was having a really bad night.
tbh, that seems a little weird to me. kaylasmom and I have never been asked if we wanted separate checks. I’ve always put it down to the tendency to view the disabled diner as somehow an accessory of the ACTUAL diner.
(“Would she like a refill on her coffee?”)
I dunno. Maybe it’s a regional thing (I’m a California boy). We’re hardly ever in a group where separate checks are even a good idea, and when we are, we pretty much always need to ask for them. I even served my time as a waiter in a 24-hour coffee shop environment, and I can’t recall a single occurrence of asking a table of guests if they wanted separate checks.
That happened to me last year in Vegas with my mom when a salesperson asked us what our relationship was. She was trying to find a divide and conquer approach to sell us a time share. I figured it out after a few seconds but my mom took awhile longer.
Disagree with your disagreement. The server should not ever convey the message: “Just in case it will save me some extra work, could you _______________? Thanks a lot!”
Plus, if the customers remember at the last minute, and make a little extra work for the server, and if they have any decency, they’ll ensure that their tips reflect that they noticed that extra work.
When it’s just the two of us, Mrs. Cups and myself are usually just given one check. It’s actually rather annoying because we would PREFER to have everything separate, but we don’t complain too much because it’s relatively obvious we’re married and it’s not the worst assumption to make that we want them separate.
It blew my co-worker’s mind when we asked for separate checks one time. The fact that a married couple has separate accounts did not compute with her. Keep in mind, we’ve been married for, like, 6 months…
Ohio here. I think it is a pretty common occurrence to be asked if we need separate checks or together. The exceptions are the restaurants that we frequent on a regular basis where the servers/staff recognize us and have served us before so know that we are in fact together.
Disagree with the disagreement about the disagreement;
People who remember last minute can make a lot of extra work; sometimes what everyone remembers ordering doesn’t total up the same as the actual order at all, especially groups who’ve been there for hours ordering extra rounds of drinks. It got sorted out, but I had a few times where someone had to leave early, and paid for what turned out to be only half the stuff they’d actually had…
When I waitressed, unless it was blindingly obvious (regulars, obvious families with kids) I pretty much always asked ‘Are you paying separately or together?’ at the first opportunity. Admittedly, I live in a country where I got OK wages, and tips were just a nice little extra, but grumpy people who’ve just had an argument over who ordered what don’t tip well in any case.
FWIW I do believe this is a regional thing. I’ve lived in the Chicago area my entire life and have almost never been asked if we wanted separate checks. However, I have been asked this while eating lunch in Florida, Texas, and North Carolina.
In particular, while having lunch in North Carolina, our group consisted of myself, my wife, my mother in law and my step daughter, (and it was Father’s Day) and the first question our server asked was if we wanted separate checks. She also asked (towards the end of our meal) if we wanted any drinks to go. That one surprised me a bit so it must have been the norm for that area based on state and/or county laws.
My husband and I have separate accounts, and have ever since he was deployed. It just made things a lot easier when using a debit card not to have to check who had spent what and how much money was in the account.
By the time smart phones made it possible to check the account frequently, and we made enough money that one of us could spend a couple of hundred dollars without breaking the bank, we had gotten so used to having separate accounts ( and separate credit cards too) that it seemed pointless to mess with success.
We have the utilities split equitably, and take turns paying the rent. We both go grocery shopping, and just kind of pay for that as it comes up. We both have automatic withdrawals from our accounts into a savings account for our son. Different from the savings account our son puts his own money in, and is allowed to withdraw money from.
As someone who lives in Georgia, yes I think there is a regional element - parts of the South (and not all country bumpkin) still aren’t all that good with interracial couples (I say this being in an interracial relationship, which is generally fine in Atlanta, but sometimes gets strange outside of it).
Male half of an interracial couple, here. Currently in MO. And yes, we have had this happen, pretty much exclusively at local restaurants,
and it generally dictates where we choose to spend our money in the future.
I’ve tried to pass it off as SOP at a few restaurants, or the lunch rush if it’s just she and I, but no, it’s not that. She never gets it with white colleagues, male or female. I’ve inquired with my colleagues about it as well…nope.
It’s especially galling when we are having a family dinner, with our son between us, and he looks like a perfect mix of our us. And yes, it’s happened.
I am willing to chalk it up to this particular part (semi-rural) part of Missouri.
My wife and I are both white; we live in suburban Chicago. I can’t say that we are never asked if we want separate checks when it’s just the two of us out together, but only because it’s possible that it’s happened at some point which is escaping my memory. So, let’s go with “happens rarely, if ever.”
I’ll also note that I go out for brunch fairly regularly with my running partner, who’s a white female; she and I are never asked if we want separate checks, either. (And, obviously, the server would have no clue as to whether or not the two of us are a couple.)
If we’re out for a meal in a group with other people (or if I’m out without my wife, as part of a group), I’d say that the group is asked up front (i.e., when the server is first taking orders) if we want separate checks more often than not.
