That says more about you than about them. I would save anyone who was drowning because it’s the right thing to do.
That part about “not developing guilt” is probably something you shouldn’t share with others, since it’s like a hallmark trait of sociopathy.
It would depend on how the bully was acting while struggling. If they were clearly scared and begging for help and basically having a Scrooge moment and the experience of getting helped by people they tormented might change their future behavior, then probably yes.
But, the bully continuing to threaten and criticize people: “why aren’t you idiots helping me? you better get me out or I’ll kick your ass!!!” , well, I’d probably just stand there with my hands in my pockets grinning.
If it’s something in between, I might just pretend I didn’t know what was happening and walk the other way. Sort of depends who else is around and whether I thought they might rat me out for not helping. IOW most of the time I wouldn’t feel compelled to help someone who tormented me for pleasure.
Currently I’d help anyone in a life-threatening situation but there’s a chance that if the danger to me is very great I might just be too plain scared to try. That’d have nothing to do with the person in need help, though.
I can’t be sure what my 12-year-old self would do. I was never really bullied so I can’t imagine what it’d feel like to see my bully drowning or something.
I try to treat others the way I’d want to be treated and I don’t think I could live with myself knowing I ‘let’ someone drown.
You may or may not already know this, but just as a Public Service Announcement, it should be pointed out that real drowning doesn’t look like it does on TV.
People who are legitimately drowning do not flail and splash around and yell.
A person who is legitimately drowning, from the surface, literally looks like they are just calmly treading water, incorrectly, with their head a little too low.
Everybody needs to read this article, and make your whole family read it, too:
Of course save them. For those of you that said no, I’m not sure I want to live in the same society with you.
Well ok then, replace “drowning” with:
losing their grip hanging off the cliff,
the lava oozing closer and closer,
the tiger charging in while they are on the other side of the locked door,
… and then my same points still stand.
Sorry, I was not really addressing you or your post specifically, I was just relaying some good info that I believe a lot of people do not know and should.
However I felt about them personally, I wouldn’t want another person’s death on my mind, if I could have reasonably helped without endangering myself.
That said, there have been people in my life who were not kind to me who have met their demise, some by illness, and some violently. One guy ran his car headlong into a tree. I felt sorry for the tree. I was glad the world was rid of the guy.
kayaker: well, hang on as long as you can, dude!
Depends on if it was a Wooly Bully.
First of all as was pointed out the kids who left might have had no idea the kid was drowning. Drownings can be very calm.
If the kid was still in the thrashing stage trying to keep his head up, it would be easy to imagine that the others were scared he was faking and would push them under if they went to help.
If you can reach someone from the edge of the pool and pull them out, good. If you have to enter the water all bets are off particularly if the drowning person outweighs you. If you’re an adult and can stand and hold the child up, then sure save him. If it’s a bully who’s likely bigger than you and you can’t reach bottom, the best thing to do is go get the help of someone bigger.
The OP’s story might not have had anything to do with the fact that the drowning kid was a bully. Lots of people, in a stressful situation they’ve never been in before (like, say, watching someone drown) will panic and do nothing productive. Occasionally they’ll manage to panic in a productive way, and occasionally they’ll keep their wits about them and figure out the right thing to do. Yeah, most of us like to tell ourselves of COURSE we’d save someone’s life, but let’s just say that I’m glad that I’ve never (to my knowledge) been in a situation where I’ve needed to. And that’s all the more true of children. Note that, even the one child who did respond constructively, the response was to go tell an adult, and let them figure out what to do.
I turned 12 in 1968. Yes, unsupervised playtime was plentiful, but NOT in situations where access to a cement pond was available.
Made me remember this Doonesbury strip:
It’s pretty much engrained in me to help in a situation like that. I’m not sure it’s so much that I’d be wracked with guilt if I didn’t help – I think I could forgive myself – but it’s just reflexive for me. My adage is more “treat others as you’d like to be treated” than “treat others as they treat you.” I’m even imagining a situation where, say, someone who I truly believe the world would be better without, like certain politicans, in a situation of peril before me, one in which I can easily and without risk to myself help. I’d help. Such is my nature. There is always a chance I might say “ah, fuck it.” I can’t ever be 100% certain of my hypothetical actions, but my gut instinct is to help, no matter the person, so long as help can be given without undue peril to me. I may try harder and assume more risk for a person I like vs a person I don’t but, in either case, the first reaction would be help.
Yeah, this sounds like some form of the bystander effect:
Sure. Then they would Owe You. Ummm. Sweet Owned!
@kaylasdad99 Heh, I remember reading that strip when I was in medical school, and thinking “yeah, that’s what ethical docs need to do. Damn . . .”
Yeah, this. Also, an average, untrained twelve-year-old is unlikely to be physically capable of rescuing a similarly-sized kid – or even a slightly smaller one – without getting into trouble themselves, unless there’s a flotation device available and they have the presence of mind to simply throw it to the bully rather than attempting anything more heroic.