You and your spouse are going out to dinner with a group, totaling ten people.
hen the waiter comes and asks how the check will be split, your host says (with no previous discussion that you’re aware of) “Everyone on one check except for those two” pointing out you and your spouse.
I’d say that was bizarre, awkward and very rude. Why were you and your spouse singled out? Host should at least have said something to you beforehand, or let the group decide how the bill was to be split. Was it obvious that the two of you had eaten much more cheaply than the rest? Perhaps the host was concerned you’d get landed with more of the bill than you should do?
Could it be that you were invited after the other eight and that they’d already given the host money towards a kitty or something? Or they’d made arrangements to share the bill between the eight of them?
I’d be asking for an explanation because such behaviour would make me feel very awkward during the meal, and it is just plain rude to treat someone like that without saying anything to them beforehand.
I misread the OP, and thought that the host had specified that each couple should have a separate check, except for the OP and husband and host and hostess–which struck me as not neccessarily rude, but a little awkward, unless there was a reason why the OP and her husband should be guests of honor.
But to put everyone but one couple on one check–odd, rude and awkward.
Weird definitely, but I once was in a situation where we actually asked for the check split in half although it was about a dozen people. If that particular couple has asked their friends to get a separate check for some reason, then it stops at weird. If they’re being singled out by the speaker motu propio, then it’s 2x4 rude.
It was a hen night; the bride (whose dinner would be paid by the guests) and two very different groups of guests. About half of us were HS friends, in college, and by definition out of cash. The other half were childhood friends; some of them had finished junior high and gone straight to working; some had gone to trade school; some were still working on their junior high certificate (and happily sucking on the parental tit) - they definitely had a lot more cashflow than we did.
The students were all earlish people, by nature or schedule, and therefore light diners. The headiest thing we drank was Cocacola.
The workers/tittiers were all latish people; most were heavy diners. All set out to “dine as much as possible and drink till we drop.”
We had no interest in paying for their lobster and whisky when we were having shrimp salad and water.
So after some growling, it was decided to get two separate tickets: one for all the students plus half the bride (to be paid Dutch) and one for all the workers/tittiers plus the other half of the bride (again, Dutch).
that’s insanely rude and weird. I would have gotten up to the restroom, called my wife on the cellphone and invent some excuse to get the heck outta there. Have you spoken to anyone on that group since? Is anyone else just as weirded out or offered an explanation?
I’d be hoping it was a joke. If it wasn’t a joke, I’d consider it seriously weird and rude - perhaps a strong hint that the host wanted the friendship terminated.
I thought the lady was trying to say “we’re all on one check per person except those two there - they’re together” so my first thought was that she was not rude, just had a good grasp of who came together. But, if you finished the meal and everyone did in fact pay all together except for you two then I would definitley say rude.
Of course, my first instinct would be to blurt out (as cordially as possible) “Well honey, did you think I’d ask you to put out or something if I accidentally paid for a little of yours?”
If you are new to the group maybe the hostess just had a very tactless way of keeping you from feeling taken advantage of on the bill the first time out. If this is a group you’d like to keep going out with, I’d suggest some subtle digging to find the motivation so you are not making a slight out of stupidity.
Among the 10 were you the only married/ firm couple? Is everyone else in, like, the same book club or something? Did you drag the spouse along to something he/she wasn’t explicitly invited to?
I just mentioned it to my husband. For some reason, when it happened I forgot about it and didn’t remember until this morning. Anyway, the host (his brother) paid for the larger check himself. We paid for our own.
(Of course, you knew that already, and we didn’t. And it still doesn’t really explain why the host didn’t mention prior to arriving at the restaurant that he was paying for everyone’s meal but yours.)
Who were the other seven people? Were they his in-laws or his kid’s friends or anything? Before you went out were you expecting him to pay for you? I’ve definitely seen the check be split between families before, if that’s the case I don’ think there’s anything strange about it.
One of the people was my mother-in-law. The others I don’t really know.
I definitely wasn’t expecting him to pay for us. The way we were singled out felt odd, but it obviously wasn’t so freakish that I was dwelling on it. I didn’t know until today that they paid for everyone else’s meal, a fact that makes me feel a little weird. Before, I just thought they all split the check later. Now I understand why our check was separate (since we paid for our own).