I don’t know how it is in the US, but in UK, partner is increasingly employed as a general term to describe your significant other. As in people will invite “you and your partner” to dinner. I find it annoying and imprecise. One of these days, I will bring all my partners to dinner. My buisness partner, my golf partner, my tennis partner, the partner of the business my business has enterered into a partnership with… just to see the hostess head explode.
I would say “husband/wife” unless I were aware they preferred the word “partner.”
Elton John is not married. The UK has a separate-but-equal thing called Civil Partnership. It would be technically incorrect to refer to Furnish as John’s husband, but correct to call him his partner.
I would refer to him as “husband” to make the political point that separate is NOT equal, but others might use “partner” to make that same point.
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with partner; I just don’t care for it personally. Just personal preference.
I tend to use whatever term I’ve heard them using. Some people I know love using husband or wife, but others hate it.
Well, like you say, it is equal in every way except one tiny one - that you can’t hav the official ceremony in a church or include religion in the vows. All the law stuff and so on is absolutely equal.
I think I’d probably refer to his “partner”, just because it would feel weird to me to refer to a man’s spouse as his “husband”.
See, I think girlfriend/boyfriend still perfectly describe you. I don’t get why those terms have to expire over time. What did you do that changed you from boyfriend/girlfriend to partners? If you need to specify length, you can always longterm boyfriend/girlfriend.
Not that I don’t respect your difference in opinion. I just never felt a youthful vibe from those terms. Nor do I think of a less committed relationship. I just think they are much better than partner.
I didn’t know that. Thanks for the correction.
I feel the same way. I think we’re at a point that referring to “my aunt’s wife,” does a better job of advancing the conversation than saying “partner.”
I think it’s stupid to describe a partner in a lengthy, committed relationship with the same word that a 14 year old would use for the boy she kissed for the first time last week. Boy/girlfriend ought to expire at some point.
I’ve been hearing them called “spouse” which seems to cover all bases.
I thought someone at work was gay for a while because he referred to his ‘partner’, with whom he shares 8 kids.
That was my stupidity, as they’re hetero and happily hitched.
FWIW, I love the word ‘partner’. It describes an ongoing, productive union rather than a function of a piece of paper.
Really? Even if the Church is entirely onboard with gay marriage? That’s odd. What’s the reasoning?
To mollify some bigots, basically. It’s also not something many people are up in arms about.
When Civil Partnerships were first introduced there were some more significant differences, and they’ve gradually gone over the years with no fanfare (and it’s not been many years), so perhaps this one will too.
I’m wondering if I’m misunderstanding you. Around here, there’s an amendment that’ll probably be passed soon that says that gay people can’t ever get married (quit nitpicking, you know what I mean). Nevertheless, there are plenty of gay couples around here who have gotten married in a church: if Reverend Jones wants to marry two people, and if her church hierarchy consents, ain’t nobody gonna stop her from doing so.
Are you saying that in England, somebody would prevent Reverend Jones from performing the ceremony? Or am I misunderstanding you?
They could do that here, no problem, but it wouldn’t count as a legal marriage.
The word husband (and wife) seems to favor and presume a heterosexual married couple so may not be idea for a homosexual married couple. It seems to indicate more then the male part of a married couple, but also indicated that by default there is a wife, the female ‘counterbalance’ in the marriage union. The necessity of male and female coming together as a cornerstone of marriage is brought up by use of such terms. So unless the intent is to change public opinion as to the the word husband and of the word wife, it may actually bring up feeling that it is not a ‘proper’ or ‘real’ marriage and to be almost seems patronizing to the gay couple to use such terms.
Spouse seems to work well and seems to avoid the above stigma.
Wouldn’t here, either, unless they filed the paperwork. If the officiant is legally able to file marriage paperwork, and the couple involved is legally eligible to marry one another and wish to file said paperwork, then in this country there is no impediment to the officiant performing the ceremony and then filing the papers to make it legal. It sounds like you’re saying that in England there is an impediment…but only if the couple is gay.
And yeah, sometimes I use partner for gay or straight couples who are married. Usually when I can’t remember off-hand if they’re actually married or not.
Over here you can have a ceremony in church and sign the register in said church too, and be married. If you’re an opposite-sex couple.
To my American ears, “partner” is polite code for homosexual SO. Or a term for describing a business relationship. Nothing more or less.
I do a bunch of work with New Zealanders, where “partner” means SO of whichever sex or degree of legally recognized married-ness.
That cultural disconnect had some humorous/humourous repercussions until we sorted it out.
I think the progressive fraction of the US is now drifting towards the NZ interpretation, whereas the reactionary religious right (read as “troglodyte bigots”) is trying hard to go the other way. And they seem to be winning, at least on the airwaves / internet.
I never liked the term “spouse”. Sounds like legalese, with all the love & caring you normally associate with the tax code.