I heard someone refer to David Furnish as Elton John’s “partner.” My reaction surprised even me, as I said with conviction “David is Elton’s husband. Would you use the word “partner” for an opposite sex couple?”
Well, I wouldn’t and I think the same should apply to all legally married couples.
I hear “partner” used occasionally for married couples (regardless of the gender of the spouses). I usually take it as a sign that the couple is trying to sound progressive.
This bothers me too. I would call Furnish and John husbands, not partners.
Actually, the word partner kind of bothers me in general. I realize that there are lots of places same-sex couples can’t get legally married (my state of VA among them), so perhaps some couples don’t want to use spousal words like husband, but if it were me–like if I was in a domestic partnership with a woman–I’d just call her my wife even if it wasn’t legal. Or girlfriend. Anything is better than partner.
I would say husband unless I heard the people in the relationship use a different term. When I hear partner, I assume that the people are in a committed relationship, but might not be legally wed.
Alternatively, I referred to my wife as a wife years before we got around to getting married.
Why is anything better than partner? My SO and I aren’t married, so we aren’t husband and wife. We’ve been together for 20+ years, and we are both in our 40s, we aren’t boyfriend/girlfriend. Partners, or domestic partners is what we are.
My SO and I have been together 10 years and registered domestic partners for 3. I interchangeably call him my SO, boyfriend, partner or husband. I don’t see the big deal.
What is the resistance to the perfectly good, non-gender-specific word “spouse”? I truly don’t get it. Spouse is a wonderful word without any gender-related baggage.
I think “partner” is fine for any sort of committed relationship. I did actually have an irritated reaction to an article about John and Furnish’s wedding that referred to them as partners. In a wedding-specific context, I’d use “husband.” Otherwise, partner is fine.
I have friends (lesbian couple) who have been together for about 20 years but never married, legally. I refer to them as partners, which is how they refer to each other.
Maybe if they were legally married, I’d be more inclined to think of them as spouse and spouse?
I guess I refer to people how they refer to each other. If my friends called each other spouse or wife, I’d probably do the same. But, like hetero people I know who are couples, I’ll refer to them either what the legal relationship is, or how they refer to each other. If they’re not legally married, I call het friends partners or “living with” bf or gf.
I think partner is a good neutral term referring to any long-term committed couple, regardless of their official legal status, so I use it. I make no assumptions about their paperwork status. Whatever they want me to call them, I’ll go with it out of courtesy.
I should have specified that my recommendation for the word “spouse” is limited to legally married couples. That’s what the word means, and I can’t think of any situation where using it in lieu of “husband” or “wife” would be inappropriate. That’s why I can’t understand why it’s not more widely embraced.
So to answer the OP I guess I’d say no, I wouldn’t call a married couple “partners.” I’d use “spouses” unless I knew they had a personal preference for something else. I think couples get married in part for the public recognition thereof, so why not use the word that specifically means they are married?
I wouldn’t. I think people (anybody) get married because that makes it legal. A marriage license is a business contract, to me. The other person gets half, can be put on your insurance etc. Maybe most importantly, will be allowed in your hospital room when you need them.
Right now, in our current political/social/religous climate, for same sex couples to get married is a big deal. Shows a lot of guts, and I’d pay them the respect of saying “spouse.”
But as far as commitment goes, I’ve known some straight or gay partners who had a better “marriage” than some others.