dreamer, if he is far enough along as I imagine, he will feel no pain without nourishment and will pass in peace. I know, I have been there, I have a collection of scars left over from my accident, they were healed before I knew they were there. Trust me, your father feels no pain. If there were some chance that he could recover, he would face years of hellish rehabilitation and degredation. I have been there also. Choose for him the peaceful solution.
Shirley Ujest, I had Mouthy put to sleep in 1998. He was an old cat and a good cat. He developed cancer and was suffering. His life meant a lot to me.
Unless I get to be a disembodied brain housed inside a cool robotic spider body, then no. Yank the plug, fdisk me and throw me on the scrap heap.
dreamer, I read your other thread but didn’t reply because a few posters summed up what I would have written anyway. After watching my grandmother waste away mentally for 3 years, then physically for several months, I have no desire to keep any of my relatives alive via mechanical means if there’s no hope for recovery.
Your dad may prove to be a different story, though, and I think you should give him every chance to recover if you think that’s what he’d want to do. I’m sure you’ll know the right thing to do when the time comes.
I struggle with you…I feel with you…I see his eyes, I feel his heart, I know his smile, yet I don’t see it there. I look for signs, and still see bare to none. I guess the one thing I can say today I could not say yesterday is now I see…I see the reality and its not pretty nor is it anything I would ever want to face alone. I support you, I support your decisions no matter which way the go…he is just EXISTING, and no longer LIVING… I pray with you and for you. God be with you, my mom and your brother…and the rest of us blessed enough to have had him in our lives as long as we did.
All my love and support…the “other” daughter, Jen
and as for me… I would not want to exist that way, no. Enough dope to take my mentality away(assuming it is there) as i go to sleep is all I would ask for:
And I strongly urge everyone to put their wishes in writing and see to it that your relatives, your doctor and anyone else who might conceivably have to answer this question on your behalf have a copy of that statement or know where to find it.
My wife and I had discussed this matter in the past and we each agreed that no extraordinary measures are to be taken. I am now faced with the possibility of having to make her wishes known based solely on those discussions, since we never got around to filling out a health care power of attorney, living will, or DNR order. Fortunately, as her spouse and only living relative I have been told that I am presumed to have the authority to make those decisions on her behalf.
Many years ago, my mother-in-law was left with expressive aphasia (sp?) after a stroke. Although she was able to come home and mostly function, her mind had also deteriorated significantly. She was able, however, to make the decision to stop taking her medication. By the time anyone realized what she’d done, she was unrecoverable. Fortunately for us, she had a living will and she was hospitalized with a DNR (do not rescucitate) order. Within a few days she died quietly.
Everyone who’d watched her exist in that state understood her decision. She was miserable. She felt completely useless and helpless. She couldn’t read, write or speak. She could nod yes or no to a binary question, but had problems with decisions. She was in prison in her own body, although it probably felt more like a torture chamber.
You don’t want to lose him but, in many ways, you have already lost him. He’ll never be the person he was the day before his stroke. In the important ways, he’ll always be around. My father died 10 years ago this month but he’s still very much with me in my heart and spirit. Whether or not you believe in an afterlife, there’s an undeniable immortality that is the effect we’ve had on people during our lifetime. My father, as he was before the ravages of cancer, will be with me as long as I live.
From your OP it certainly sounds as though there’s a consensus on his prognosis. Age may make a difference here. Is he young or old?
I don’t think I’m old at 61, but I can tell you without a doubt that I’d not want to be kept alive artificially. Let me go with some dignity.
I do believe in Heaven and I hope, if we lose him, that I will see him when I get there. I know right now he has to feel like he’s stuck in a prison cell, even if he’s not aware of it, and that’s the part my family and I cannot stand to see.
I don’t want to admit I’ve lost him already, but you are probably right. That’s something I will have to come to grips with, especially after the meeting with his DR’s tomorrow.
Please add my thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
I would not want to be kept alive by machines. If there was a good chance I could survive then give me some time and see what happens. If not, then, in my opinion, it is selfish by those left behind to keep someone alive when there is no hope.
My husband and I both have living wills and my parents have a copy and know what our wishes are.
Again, I am very sorry for you and your family during this time and pray God gives you wisdom to make the right decision.
I spent the holiday and the weekend watching my dad being kept alive by machines. All I felt was sadness. I would like to NOT be kept alive by machines.
Strange that I should get to post nearly an identical message in two different threads, but over in IzzyR’s “tattoos, what are you thinking” discussion, I said that I’m considering having something like “do not resuscitate / organ donor” inked in tastefully small but unmistakable letters on my pec.
(That’s a hell of a story, hlanelee. Would that we can all learn from your unfortunate experience.)
If I cannot tell someone who’s being a pain in the ass to go to hell, or eat a piece of cheesecake, or pet my dogs, or have a meaningful conversation with the people I love, what the hell is there to live for? Never mind the feeding tubes and such, just pump 60meq of KCl into me IV push.