That was sooo sweet! Awww… it warms my heart to read that! There are good people out there!
Well, I made apple coffee cake and wrote a note. (Weasel Boyfriend asked, “Did you sign my name too?” I told him that’s why I made sure he has personalized stationery of his own, thank you.) I also sent a small flower arrangement from both of us and my parents, since they know him too. Nothing big, just a little thing.
::sigh::
Clambering on board the sniffly nose/teary eyed train with the rest of you early-morning workers.
Next stop: Lyons, GA. We can all shop at the Piggly-Wiggly together.
::grabs tissue::
Even though I’m aware of this custom and grew up more or less in the South, I’ve always found it a bit odd. Maybe it’s because, as best I can recall, I’ve never known anyone that died a lingering death. That and our family is spread all over tarnation. My mom did go up and help with the kids when my younger brother’s wife had a couple of premies. I guess that would be the closest, although they both lived.
I guess it would be nice, although I would find it peculiar. The closest applicable situation would be the gathering at my aunt’s house after her funeral. There was food there, although I think our family provided as much as was brought. So I guess my cousin probably got some leftovers out of that.
That doesn’t describe a single man that I know.
Cold soup straight out of the can? Eww!
It accords with my experince. I used to eat cold soup out of the can all the time. Still do sometimes. Also cold hot dogs right out of the package. I don’t often eat like that any more, but I did when I was young and single. Young, single guys eat like raccoons.
I know of at least 5 men off the top of my head that would rather eat cold Chef Boyardee out of the can than turn on the stove. Even my boyfriend did it before we moved in together. He cooks, of course, but often times he just felt that it was too much effort to have to warm something up so straight out of the can or takeout was a big part of his diet. Now he comes home to steak or roasted chicken or whatever and is thrilled at the idea of warm food but he still has a couple of cans of condensed vegetable soup in the pantry in case I go out of town and he gets hungry. 
I don’t think it’s wrong, per se. However, I do the casserole for the people who are doing the planning and running and hard-core grieving rather than the guy who wasn’t particularly close to the deceased or directly involved in the planning and running. Nothing wrong with it, though. I think it’s very thoughtful. He can always bring it to his parents’ house and save them the effort of cooking, should they be casserole-less.
My teenagers (male and female) would live on ramen and cold ravioli from the can if I’d let ‘em. Nasty!
Wow. So very outside of my experience.
I lived with some guys who were terrible cooks, and who nearly burned the place down, but at least they knew how to turn the stove on.
It wasn’t about knowing how to cook for me. I was actually a professional cook in those days. I knew how to cook better than any woman I ever dated, including my wife. I still do all the family cooking now. The issue when I was single was just not giving a shit since there was nobody else there to eat it. Eating out of the can also eliminated the need for any dishes.
I was 60 when my mother died at the age of 92. I had relocated, lived with her and took care of her for the last 10 years of her life. I got some wonderful sympathy cards and notes, but not one person brought me food. I certainly didn’t expect it and would never complain, but it would have been a nice gesture.
Huh, I’ve eaten some pretty lazy things in my day, but cold soup ain’t one of them. I always at least microwaved it. Of course, most of the places I’ve lived since the dorms have had dishwashers, which cuts down on the ‘extra dishes’ part.
Anyways, per the OP, I’d be a little weirded out if a friend’s girlfriend brought me food after a family member died. I’m 24, male, from the west coast, so maybe it’s just a cultural thing, but the thought of bringing food to a stranger is weird to me. It’s one of those things that sounds really nice in theory, but if it was someone I didn’t know personally (i.e., not a (girl)friend of a friend) I would think it was a little strange. Probably make me slightly uncomfortable, too.
Food came in very handy when my mother died last year. Besides being busy (I don’t think people who haven’t lost someone close realize how busy that time is), we had probably 75 out of town people who came in for the visitation and funeral and the general get-together that happens at such a time. Not that we were expected to feed them all, but people drop by, or stay at the house and need to be fed. For the gathering after the viewing, my uncle made a huge batch (probably 5 gallons or more) of chicken ala king, and another aunt and uncle rented out their subdivision’s clubhouse to have the event. After the funeral, we had all kinds of donated food and also went to the local Greek place and got huge trays of rice, chicken and kabob meat.
So yes, a nice and welcome gesture.
StG
I’m sure the gesture would be appreciated, but in answer the to direct question, it’s not something that would occur to me to do for death of a grandparent, and it’s not something that I’ve seen friends rally together to offer support, same as they would for other 20-something life difficulties – getting laid off, end of an LTR, etc. My grandmother died right after college (and we weren’t close, I saw her maybe once or twice a year), if someone gave me food I would have assumed it was for me to bring to my parents/uncles.
Again, I’m specifically talking about cases that match Justin_Bailey’s descriptions, where a friend is close to the living mourners but not so close to the deceased. If you’re super-close to your extended family then maybe that seems bizarre to suggest that the death of a grandparent isn’t a major life event, but not everyone has a close extended family.
I have to agree that it’s a great thing to do for someone who’s lost a parent (damn, wish I’d thought of that a few years ago), but not a grandparent. Usually the person who is most likely to have to make all the arrangements for everything is the person emotionally closest to the deceased. And usually it’s a parent, sibling, child, or spouse. I’ve seen firsthand someone in extreme grief trying to deal with the legal obligations, funeral arrangements, property disposition, expenses, and all the other mucky muck that goes with it. And it’s stuff that has to be done, and done now. It’s almost cruel.
That’s the person who needs the meals. The grandson, not so much.
That’s my take too. The connection of this dude to both the deceased and to to the OP sound pretty casual. I’ve had three grandparents die. I was fairly close to one of them, the others I had barely ever seen. I wouldn’t say I really grieved any of them that much, it was more like “Oh, thats sad, what’s in the fridge.” If I had casually mentioned something to one of my friends about my grandfather down in Lousiana having died, then had that budy’s girlfrend show up with a pie, I would have thought it was weird. I probably wouldn’t even have known what the pie was supposed to be for without being told.
Well, it’s not like that - his family is all local, and he’s a pallbearer. It’s not like “Remember Aunt Martha, who you met at your christening?” More like “Thank goodness Grandma is at peace now.”
Another really good thing to take/send to a grieving family is something full cooked that can be heated OR eaten cold if even that would take too much effort. One really good friend roasted and brought over an entire turkey plus a big tupperware container of gravy when my mother was hospitalized for ten days before dying. The gravy went to waste, I’m afraid, but having the turkey ready to slice and eat cold, or make sandwiches was a godsend.
I think for a single person, especially a guy, a cooked meatload and a loaf of good bread might be great.
Rather than going to all the trouble of making a dish for someone (especially if it turns out they hate casserole, or the deceased used to make casserole a lot, or something), why not bring them a decent takeaway meal that they like?
I don’t mean Burger King or Bob’s House Of Lard And BBQ Sauce, but something like a good Chinese, Indian, or Mexican meal.