WOW! I just found out I have telepathetic powers!!

I was waking up this morning, and all seemed quiet in my bedroom. The alarm clock didn’t go off (it’s Saturday), my hangover didn’t make an appearance, and it seemed cool and quiet. So I looked over at my cellphone, and I noticed I had voicemail. Out of the blue, I took a wild guess that it was someone from a different state calling, to see what I was doing for dinner. . . And it was exactly who I imagined it was!

I submit further evidence of my powers:
[ul]
[li] I am able to predict the playing of a classic rock song on the radio within 15 minutes of it actually being on.[/li][li] I am fairly able to predict who will stop by my office to visit.[/li][li] I have strange airy visions of places I see in my thoughts, but have never been there, only to go there later![/li][li] I am able to predict what I will have for lunch.[/li][li] I know what number you are thinking right now, and what clothes you are wearing (to see some this is a blessing, others a curse).[/li][li] I knew the Local State Fair would be kinda lame, and I advised my friends, but they didn’t listen . . .[/li][/ul]

But I digress. I must only use my powers for good. Like opening beer bottles with my telekinapathetic powers. . .

Tripler
Like the Amazing Kreskin, but my powers are practical.

Is that the ability to not care enough to levitate things?

No, I’ve not yet discovered my powers of levitation. But I can move small paper clips and Rolodex cards flip once or twice. . .

And what’s better, I can hold still objects on a dinner table while I telekinepathetically remove the tablecloth from underneath them.

Tripler
Kids: My powers are dangerous and moronic. Don’t try this at home.