Wow...Sparks..the energy drink

It’s a wonder you’re still alive!

That’s the special two-for-one deal: “Tastes the same going down as it does coming up, or we’ll give you your money back.”

So what you’re saying is, it tastes better than beer?

heartbeat! Increasing heartbeat!
This town ain’t big enough for the both of us!

Aaahhhh Sparks,
I used to do a long, long radio show in the middle of the night and when I ran out of music I would play stuff from the station library based solely on the cover art. This is how I discovered Sparks, one night I played “Eaten by the Monster of Love” and the rest is history. Over time I developed my “Sparks theory”, they have released 746 (or thereabouts) albums and each album has exactly 1 good song so purchase Sparks records at your own risk.


I’ve heard the product is coming out but never heard a name for it. Is it seriously calld B to the E? If so why didn’t they just go with B to tha E and steal I’m Lovin’ It from McDonald’s?

Its the Mammonite Church versus the Chemical Calvinists. The Mammonites want to sell you buzz. Humans like buzz, they are wildly enthusiastic about mucking about with the chemical balance of their brains. The Chemical Calvinists hate buzz, if it feels good, don’t even think about doing it. Stop that! Right now!

So there’s only a few chemicals legal. For upper buzz, you’ve got yer caffeine, yer caffeine and more of that caffeine. Anything else, and yer busted. So now they have about five thousand different ways to sell you…caffeine.

The other crap…the ginseng, the taurine, the gava gava root…is just to make it exotic, maybe give you that sense of doing something just the teensiest bit daring and unconventional, kind of like wearing a bow-tie. Its just caffiene.

I’m surprised friend Reeder overlooked the Marxist implications of all this, juicing up the working class lumpenproles to squeeze a little extra productivity without actually paying them more. Must not have had his coffee yet.

Remember back in the old days when they used to just load up the soda pop with cocaine…now THAT was an energy drink.

Oh, come now. The Woofer-Kimono-Propaganda-Indiscreet sequence was pure gold.

I laugh in your general direction, whatever that may be. Listen, and learn just how stupid youth can be without the use of illegal drugs.

The time: 7:30 pm, PST

The place: the east edge of LA

The goal: I must be in Florida as soon as possible.

The hurtles: I’m driving, and I’ve been driving since 4:00 that morning.

The solution: some brand of caffine pills with 2x the caffine of NoDoz. Label sez “take 2, take another every two hours.” Scoff at label; that’s not even a maintenance dose. Take half a box, wash down with a 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew. Take 2 more every 30-60 minutes, washed down with more Mountain Dew.

The big problem: the earthquake when I stopped for gas at El Paso. At least, I thought it was an earthquake, but soon realized it was just me.

And B to the E? Beer is blech, and most energy drinks are ewrk, so this stuff is Blech to the Ewrk power? How… yummy.