Write a song about a girl. Put it on the web. I don't get a phone call?!

The BBQ Pit
1

Short background: I dated this girl on and off for about 7 months. It almost worked but . . . well, it didn’t. We really liked each other but things just didn’t pan out. No biggie, let’s just remember the good times and move on. We still talk from time to time but it’s more of "How’s it going. . "

Either New Years Eve or New Years Day I talked to her. Nothing big but it flashed me back to the summer when we were dating. After I hung up the phone I picked up the acoustic and wrote a song. I took it to my band and they liked it so everybody figured out some parts and we started playing it.

About 2 weeks ago, I get a Drunk Call [sup]tm[/sup] from her. I laughed when I got the voice mail (since I am want to do the same sort of thing) and called her back the next day. We did the phone tag thing a couple of times but never got in touch.

Back to the band. . . We’re in the process of getting ramped up to “come out” which involves, as you may or may not know, a demo, press kit, t-shirts, etc. Well, we finished the song I wrote for the demo so I threw it up on a web page and gave her a call to go listen to it. I was under the assumption that one would be interested in hearing a song about themselves. Apparently, I am stupid. She hasn’t called back.

What the bloody fuck? I’m not expecting her to come flying over to my house in a teddy with her best friend or anything but a “Hey, that’s pretty cool” or “Heh, now I’m immortal!” would suffice. Or at least a “I can’t get to a computer anytime soon but I can’t wait to hear it.”. Something!

Maybe I’m asking too much. . .[/whining]

2

I’ll be back after I listen to the song.

3

Hmmm…it’s not creepy on the first listen, although I admit I was doing about 5 other things while listening so I might’ve missed something.

Maybe it’s just creepy that you would write a song about such a short relationship such a long time afterwards?

I dunno, I’m taking shots in the dark but I know women and I know the word “creepy” is somehow involved ;).

4

How do we go listen to it?

5

After reading Cisco’s comments I started typing the lyrics but realized how personal this crap is and thought better of it. I took the songs down, sorry. Ugh, this is awkward. I should have just kept my mouth shut.

In any respect, I didn’t think the song was creepy at all and would have made perfect sence to her. I could (obviously) be wrong.

6

I AM a "women’ and it, the idea of someone writing about a short relationship a long time after, doesn’t necessarily or immediatly ring the “creepy” bell for me.

I think it would depend upon the circumstances. After reading the OP, “creepy” never even crossed my mind. Your reasons, follow up, even your aggravation sounded reasonable to me.

But I didn’t hear the song, and I sortof “know” you, at least I’ve seen lots and lots of stuff you’ve written here in the SD, so perhaps that slants my veiwpoint a little.

At any rate, I don’t see it as a “shouldn’t have been brought up”. After all, you’re a musician. Heck, I can understand your thoughts on this. Oh well, perhaps she was merely embarrassed for having made the drunken phone calll?

We girls can be weird too.

7

I would’ve been flattered if a guy had written a song about me (sniff!)

Although, I haven’t heard or read the song so I can’t really give an informed opinion. If no one can view or hear the song, it’s kind of hard to give the opinions you’re soliciting.

8

No fair! I wanted to hear it!

9

[worried]
http://www.edentrap.com/Default.aspx?tabid=51
[/worried]

10

See my comments in the other thread, Bruce. As for it being too personal, that’s up to you, but it’s the personal ones that I usually find most interesting. Good job.

And I’d definitely not have thought “creepy.” I dunno what her deal is.

11

Maybe she’s just worried that any response she could make would be leading you on. She doesn’t necessarily think you’re creepy, but she could be genuinely not interested anymore.

12

I really enjoyed the song. Just a few comments, though. (Btw, AFAIK, we’ve never interacted online, but I have read and enjoyed several of your threads, particularly some of the, ahem, inebriated ones (“26 beers”)…so I have some idea of who you are…FWIW)

I could see how a girl might get the wrong impression from it. Though I’m quite certain you had no bad intentions. In fact, it seems like a very sweet song…or rather, bittersweet. But if a girl reads too much into it – “I know where you live” “tempted to settle” “two hours away” – then she might get the wrong idea. (Btw, for those of you who have NOT heard the song, it’s not what it sounds like on paper…)

However, I think a quick note or voicemail could explain pretty easily. I get the feeling that she “inspired” the song, but is not (necessarily) the “subject” of the song. She may think otherwise, and thus be a bit freaked. She may take it literally, and get entirely the wrong idea. But some ‘splainin’ will probably fix all that. Especially if she reads into it that you’re (a) pining over her, (b) obsessed with her, and/or © gonna get her back…

Hope that helps. Like I said, the intention, to me (a guy who’s often inspired by women – but in an artistic/creative way, not in a “you’re all I need” way), it makes perfect sense. But she may see things differently.

Now, as for the song itself – what can I say? I think it’s great. There’s a lot of positives, and only one negative. It’s got a great beat, great rhythm, good lyrics, and most of all, something I could definitely hear on the radio (and I mean that in a good way…i.e., it has commercial value). It’s a tune that could get stuck in your head (again, in a good way), and something that would most definitely rock to hear in person.

Good on you!

Now, the only negative comment is this: It sounds a bit tinny, if you know what I mean. I’m not up on the music terminology, so the only way I can describe it is that it needs (to me) something to round it out a bit, soften it up. Really, “tinny” (as in, it has somewhat of a sound like “tin” – not that it’s “thin in tone”) is the only way I can describe it. Does that make sense? That’s the only thing I would change – maybe keep that sharpness, but add something in the backround (bass, 2nd guitar?) to give it a little softer depth (from behind).

Anyway, I hope this makes sense. In short: I think it’s great; I think it could be misunderstood; and I think you’ve really got something there.

Good luck! And please post more music if you can.

– leander

13

Jinx! That was really the only complaint I had as well, over here, and it was a pretty minor one.

(Now come over and critique my stuff too! :))

14

Oops, I must have missed that thread. (Though to be fair to both of you, maybe Bruce ought to start his own CS thread…?)

Gladly :), though unfortunately the boards will go down soon (and I could use a drink), so I’ll have to check it out tomorrow. But I look forward to it.

15

Goddamn it. I should have never mentioned it. If I would have thought any of those were possible I wouldn’t have even brought it up.

Thanks!

I know what you mean. If you read my response to Ogre in the CS thread. It drastically changed based on where you listen to it (in the car, on the home stereo, at the board.

Makes perfect sense, thanks again.

– leander
[/QUOTE]

16

I think that you should claim this as a muse/artistic license situation. As an artist you have the freedom to amplify the emotions of any situation and express that as a song.

I once wrote song about a girl at a bus stop that I did not know. It was a very emotional song which was more about the feelings a wanted to have for someone than it was about her.

The song came in handy because the next three girls I dated thought it was about them.

[disclaimer]
I never kissed/met/talked to/stalked/photographed/anyothercreepything with that girl since I knew full well that any contact with her was sure to disappoint my illusion.
[/disclaimer]

17

I know the feeling. I had a brief dating thing with a guy. I’m talking a couple weeks. Fast forward 20+ years. I run into him in a bar and he tells me he named his kid after me. Eeewwww…

Also, he told me he’s a stand-up comedian. He’s about as funny as John Ashcroft. Double-Eeeewwww…

18

I had a song written about me about a year ago. It’s out on CD now. It’s a little weird to me but a flattering kind of weird. This was from a relationship I had that lasted about 7 years and ended badly, with us getting together again 4/5 years after the breakup for one night only (no sex, just a night of talking and drinking).
I still haven’t listened to the song. I would like to but in my head I like to think it’s all roses and fairy dust and in reality I was much harder to live with so I’m a little afraid of what the song may say about me.
Don’t know if this translates at all to your situation but there ya go.

19

I think you made a mistake taking your songs down because of this. You may have had other reasons, but if they’re off because you were worried about one person’s reaction to one song, I really think you’re doing everyone else a disservice, as well as yourself, by taking them all down. You have every reason in the world to be proud of what you wrote, perfomed, and recorded. I’m not one to blow sunshine up someone’s ass, but they really are good. Like leander said, there is definate commercial possibilities for your stuff to this point.

You and I have off-the-board conversations quite a bit, and you know you have at least two die-hard supporters of your band and its’ work, even if we are good-for-nothing Yankees. Please reconsider your decision to pull all the songs from your site. Don’t doubt the quality of your songs based on the non-reaction of one person. Who knows, maybe she’s out of town this week, doesn’t have access as someone mentioned, or is carefully considering her response.

20

Putting them on the website was basically for a small group of people including yourself. Once we start playing out they will probably be replaced with 30 sec. snippets. Plus, they aren’t finished, it’s more of a “See, I haven’t been lying about doing band stuff all the time”.

After talking with Ogre, I wanted to give him the chance to do the same with me so I linked him. Then came this Pit thread, which I kind of wish I hadn’t started because it’s kind of cross-posting but more importantly it’s a little too personal. But with all the creepy talk, I put Tempted To back so if anybody wants to take a listen and judge for themselves they can. I’m not leaving it up for long.

Thanks for your support, seriously.