Hollywood writers on strike come Monday
Who wants to take a crack on filling in?
I don’t think I can do Pushing Daisies…but I would like to try my hand at Law & Order…give me some time to cobble an idea together…runs off to grab a newspaper to rip the headline…
Jon Stewart could probably get by on interviews and by reading chunks of Bush speeches with a “heh heh heh” after them.
I’d like to see it outsourced to India. It’s about time we got some Bollywood on the tube.
mna that suxs the guyt who usyoually wrtes my potsts iz all reddy on stryke an i gots to writes tems myselvwes now
I wrote a tongue-in-cheek e-mail to one of my friends in the style of The Colbert Report that my friend said was very well done. So I’m willing to do that. All we need is a substitute Colbert.
Or just replace it with The Schmaily Schmow with Schmon Schmewart. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah!
Ooh, let me do House!
“It’s lupus.”
Where’s my paycheck?
You’re going to do House?
Are you planning to send him flowers or call him afterwards?
In addition to that, let me take on Boston Legal and Bones.
I’d love to do some scripts for Heroes and Journeyman.
No, no, I’m doing House. He’s actually an animatronic robot…from the future!
I have a spec script for The Simpsons ready, but all it is is Homer getting hit in the head and saying “D’oh” for 22 minutes. I can put some '80s references and sexual humor into it and make it a Family Guy.
I have a 30 minute script for a sitcom where a thick-headed but lovable family member overhears something a level-headed but lovable family member says, then misinterprets it and wacky hijincks ensue. I plan on selling it to every 30-minute sitcom on the air right now.
What do I win?
I’ve always wanted to write for Jeopardy!. Maybe this will be my big chance.
SCABS! The lot of you!
I’d like to write an episode of Sci-Fi’s Flash Gordon.
It would go like this.
INT - ZARKOV’S LAB
ZARKOV: Hey Flash!
FLASH: What’s up?
ZARKOV: I invented this machine!
FLASH: What does it do?
ZARKOV: I’m not sure! Let me turn it on–
(GIANT EXPLOSION that destroys the Earth so hard it causes a giant rift that also destroys the planet Mongo.)
(Silence.)
(Remaining 41 minutes of episode is silent white screen.)
(Entirety of remaining episodes are also a silent white screen.)
THE END
Hey, it would be an improvement.
I am planning on mailing the scripts to 1960s variety shows to various programs, regardless of format. The scripts may be ignored, or they may be put on the air next week, depending on the desperation of the producers.
Best of all, I don’t get in trouble with the WGA; a bunch of largely dead or retired people do.
Will Don’t Stop Believin’ be playing during this scene?
Oh, and I could write an episode of Deal or No Deal.
HOWIE: Okay! And that suitcase contains $25,000! I’m getting a call from the dealer!
(pause)
HOWIE: Uh huh, uh huh… What? Uh, okay. … He says he wants to talk to you directly.
CONTESTANT: … Mm hmmm. Really? Oh. Um, okay. … He says he’ll give me a million dollars if I bash in your skull with a shovel and free him from this dogshit program.
HOWIE: He what? That’s–
CONTESTANT: DEAL! (whang)
Oo! Oo!
“This week on The Mind of Mencia!”
(somebody steps forward, holding out a glistening blob)
“It’s the Mind of Mencia.”
(cut to credits)
Piffle. All the wimmins have to get nekkid first.
And Ming has to reveal he was a former Wall Street trader who got rifted to Mongo.
Then Zharkov can blow up the world.
I want to do “Reaper” meets “Joan of Arcadia”.
No, seriously.