Count me in on both Hemingway and Hardy. The last question of my final paper in my last day as a BA student, I had to discuss Sexuality in The Sun Also Rises. I was exhausted, annoyed, fed-up after three weeks of final examinations, it was a sunny day, I wanted to be down the pub, and all that was standing in my way was Hemingway. My opening line was “Has there been any other writer in the history of Literature who has thought they were so completely @!*king butch, and in such a misguided fashion…” I cursed. I used exclamation points and underlining to punctuate my more outraged arguments; then sat back, figured I’d probably fail, shrugged and walked out of the hall as at least it had been fun. I got the highest exam mark a student taking that course had ever achieved and had tutors coming up to pat me on the back as my paper had been doing the rounds of the faculty lounge. When I had a drink with my old professor a few years ago, he was still talking about it. Apparently my candour had been ‘refreshing’.
I have tried to understand the appeal of Wuthering Heights. But I loathe and detest the miserable thing and it has been a set text in every single course of my college career. I’ve never made it through the entire book without tossing it across the room in disgust at some point. Having said that, Olivier in britches as Heathcliff is another matter entirely.
Andrew Marvell gives me the oogies, as there’s something about the way he expresses himself that makes my skin crawl. For example, To His Coy Mistress and its message of “you want to be a virgin your whole life until you die, rather than give the mini-marvster a piece?? One word for ya - MAGGOTS.” Blech.
Tom Stoppard - there’s something so self-conciously ‘clever’ about his work; it feels somehow soulless to me, which I know is a statement about the priggish middle-classes, their hang-ups and pretentions etc blah blah blah. Knowing all this, I still find him teeth-grindingly awful.
There’s really too many to mention. But the main one, the biggie and the one people (including my father who owns a first edition) find most contentious, is Tolkien. Yes, I can understand the achievement of creating such a cohesive world. Yes, LOTR is a great story. Yes, the level of detail is stunning and I am aware it spawned an entire genre. But he was not a great writer! Storyteller, maybe - but the text is dense, muddled, over-romanticised and sentimental, sprawling and messy… I can’t get through it, it feels like an unedited first draft and is another ‘toss-across-the-room’ job for me.
Ok, now I feel like I shouted out ‘F!*K JESUS’ in church or something.
