Catcher In the Rye I did like. I’ve never read Siddhartha yet, and I read and enjoyed Seagull in college, along with Illusions. Unfortunately, I read Bridge
Across Forever, and that really bugged me. It was just so self serving. Over time I’ve lost the taste for Bach completely. Too new-agey for me, I guess.
I am going to weigh in here, although I do not claim to have as much exposure to a lot of these names.
I also did not like The Catcher in the Rye . I found Holden to be a whiny little SOB.
Anyhoo, I also have to profess my extreme dislike for Joseph Conrad, in particular Heart of Darkness .
You all have reminded me of quite a few lauded authors I’ve tried and just didn’t get. One was Philip Roth. I read in Time I think it was that he was one of the greatest novelist of the century (or something like that) so I was all hot to try him. Borrrrring. I even picked one that sounded at least readable: the main character was masturbation-obsessed. :o
Another is John Updike. In college, I found Couples at a yard sale or somewhere, and decided not long ago I was probably Sufficiently Mature to appreciate him. Oh brother! What a stupid book. Then I see he’s won TWO Pulitzers? I do hope his books about bunny rabbits were better. 
I <ahem> love Tom Robbins.
Ditto John Irving; The World According to Garp is probably my favorite novel of all time. It was rather life-changing for me. I suppose maybe it came at the right time for me to fully appreciate it. I vividly recall the experience of reading it; I could hardly comprehend reality, so immersed was I in his world. I wasn’t nearly as consumed by A Prayer for Owen Meany, but it was an awesome experience as well.
Hmmm I should hush; we’re supposed to be discussing what we don’t get – not trying to evangelize on our favorite authors. I’ll just add that I’ve tried to love Faulkner, lord knows I have.
Poysyn I forgot to mention Heart of Darkness. I’d been told by someone I admired it was his favorite book. I read about half of it, which was about all I could stand, then paged to the end, read, “the horror! the horror!” and flung it across the room.
I’ve read both Lovecraft and spinoffs.
Lovecraft himself (to me) is very flowery, yet dry. Dare I say it? Boring. The whole Mythos thing just doesn’t do it for me. Chtulu (and I know I spelled that wrong), tentacles, etc. just don’t scare me. The stories don’t scare me, and they’re so hard to read.
A few of us had quite a heated debate at the hotel bar during the con. We finally had to stop the discussion because there were a few people who took it personally when others confessed a dislike of Lovecraft.
As for spinoffs, I just don’t enjoy them because I don’t enjoy the Mythos. I don’t even bother trying to read them anymore. And I sure can’t write that stuff.
I do enjoy Poe, though. The Raven didn’t scare me, but I don’t care for poetry anyway. Horror poetry never scares me.
Sheri
Faulkner. I once red-penned a short story of his and handed it in to my teacher in a freshman writing course in college. Since it was a writing course, I felt that it was a bad decision to give out short stories that didn’t even follow basic grammar rules. A paragraph long sentence with no verb? A sentence where the subject changes halfway through with no cues so you have to re-read it about 3 times and analyze the context to figure out who “he” is at the end. I mean really atrocious writing. And the story sucked, too.
My teacher was not amused.
Hemingway. I had to read some of his crap in school and I remember thinking “now I know who wrote those Dick and Jane books!” and his subject matter is so incredibly not my cup of tea. I hated The Old Man and the Sea and was rooting for the fish the whole time. I thought the main character was an asshole with the wrong motivations for taking the life of a fish. Yeah yeah I’m a dirty hippy. Sue me.
Hawthorne. GOOD GOD The Scarlet Letter was awful! It was like wading through hip-deep muck to get to the damn story.
And not so well known, but a book I recently read Black Hearts which I reamed in my journal today. There was no plot. I suppose it was “slice of life” but isn’t it supposed to be either an interesting slice, or an interesting life?
Ha anybody been inflicted with the horror that is The Awakening by Kate Chopin? I was forced to read it in high school lit. It is claimed to be this wonderful piece of early female empowerment but I thought it flowery, ridiculous, and ethically bankrupt. For the life of me I could not understand how any woman would want to identify with the flighty, addlebrained protagonist whose “awakening” consisted of abandoning her children, getting laid, and commiting suicide. It’s overrated crap.
Catch-22 is mine. I understand the good points about it; I know people love it. I know it’s an important book. But I just don’t like it/get it. I know it’s non-fiction(ish), but as far as “War is a horrible irony” books, I much prefer Michael Herr’s Dispatches.
Add me to the “Oh, it’s Catcher in the Rye…yand?” parade. I should have been one of those kids who read and re-read it, underlining significant portions and marveling at how the struggles of Holden Caulfield mirrored my own troubled adolescence.
First reaction: “Huh?” Second reaction “I don’t get it.” Third reaction: “Maybe I should read it again to see if I get it.” Final reaction: “Ooh, that dog has a puffy tail!”
I’ve kind of been wanting to read The Fountainhead just to see if the book is as swoony as the movie but it’s kind of big and intimidating. Anyone putting Rand on their list of “leave-'em-cold” authors?
This is a sentence fragment, lacking a verb.
Although this phrase contains a dependent clause, it contains no independent clause, and is therefore not a sentence.
This phrase should say, “I mean that this story contained very atrocious writing.”
It is preferable not to begin a sentence with a conjunction.
(Sorry; I’m just helping your writing teacher with a little payback.)
Tom Robbins infuriates me: every page of his books just drips with smug bastardry, IMHO. I’ve read three of his books, three too many.
I used to love Vonnegut, but I’ve not read him in about a decade. I don’t know how I’d feel about him now; probably I’d consider him a one-trick pony.
As for LOTR: if you’re having trouble wading through the first half of the first book, you’re not alone. I tried reading it three times before I got through that morass. Once you make it past, however, it picks up rapidly, and by the end of the first book it becomes a very gripping read.
Last time I read the series, I skipped the first half of Fellowship of the Rings. I don’t normally do that with books, but I knew it was the only way I’d get to the good parts.
Daniel
Geez! I loved The Awakening. But I can’t relate to Lord of the Rings at all. Oh! And I didn’t get Catch-22 either. It’s downright embarassing, I tell ya! People give you that look of “what the fuck rock have you been living under” and then my confidence goes right down the crapper. I’m sorry! I tried! I Just…Don’t…Get it.
“Brave New World”
It’s a novel-length essay on why you shouldn’t fuck on the first date. At least, that’s what I got out of it.
Joseph Conrad and I don’t get along too well either. I never made it through HOD or Lord Jim , for that matter.
Note to bristlesage : You mean somebody else has actually read Dispatches ? Great book…I read it in a class in grad school.
The only Joyce prose I could ever get through was his short story “Eveline,” and that’s because it is very clearly written. I have never made a dent in any of his longer works.
I don’t get Joyce either. People say you have to know so much more about everything under the sun to get it, and I’m not well-read enough to fall into that category. Stupid brain!!
Anything written by Charles Dickens. It’s just contrived, sentimental claptrap to me.
I found trapping myself in a situation where I had to read helped me through the first part of LOTR.
I read it on the plane to Singapore, during the showings of the movies Musketeer, Princess Diaries (for the 2nd time), Hardball (for the 2nd time) and Joyride (for the 2nd time).
Nothing like motivation 
Ah, vivalostwages, we meet again. Yes, we read it during my first year of college in a class called “Core” (basically western civ with a postmodern perspective). Incredible book.
Now, to get back to the topic, I simply don’t get the attraction of Moby Dick (or most Melville).
You should try it lightly poached, then sprinkled with a little good-quality soy sauce, some sesame oil, a bit of crushed red pepper and some very finely minced fresh ginger. Maybe topped with chopped scallions. Mmmmm. Stevens.
But then I also like Joyce, Melville, Nabokov, Stoppard, Pynchon, and Twain, among those who’ve been mentioned so far.
On the other hand, I have no use whatever for Faulkner, Hemingway, or Hawthorne, and very little for D.H. Lawrence. Dickens I run hot and cold on. De Lillo does nothing for me. J.G. Ballard I can leave on the shelf.
Stuff I liked as a teenager and cannot now fathom why: Hesse, Salinger, Vonnegut, John Irving, Tolkien.
Nabakov was mentioned? Wait, that was my mention. To avoid any confusion, but by “top 5 writers” I meant my favorite writers. Not top 5 for "writers I don’t get. " Good God, Nabakov is my favorite of favorites.