Quick summary: I’m writing a business proposal letter to a couple of venture capitalists with my proposal itself attached as a power point presentation.
Here are my questions:
How should I address the email to the people I’m sending it to (there’s two of them). “Dear Mr. X and Mr. Y”? “Dear” doesn’t sound very professional–is there a better way to greet them?
Any tips on general layout of the email? As mentioned, my business idea/proposal will be attached as a powerpoint presentation, so I’m wondering how much of it I should cover in the email? Also, how much should I discuss about myself? Right now, I open with a brief intro of who I am (sort of like what you would see on a cover letter), then launch into a short description of my idea, before directing them to the presentation.
‘Dear’ is absolutely fine. It’s the standard greeting in even the most professional of correspondences. The only alternative that comes to mind is ‘To whom it may concern’ but that’s only used when you don’t know who your speaking to.
And if they’re even remotely educated, they’ll be impressed by the use of ‘Messrs’
I’d answer 2 if I wasn’t happily tipsy. I like to think that I’m pretty good at writing emails in a professional way. I’m a manager of a department so I often have to write ‘official’ emails. I could probably give you some advice if my mind was right.
But having said that, you are in the right place to ask the question. The Dope has for its members some of the most awesome brains I’ve ever come to know.
I don’t know that I’d submit an attachment in a cold email. Could you put a link to your company’s website, with the powerpoint prominently displayed? I have no expertise, just that a lot of people and even more automatic filters won’t take kindly to attachments.
This is likely generally true, and good advice. But they specifically ask for either a “presentation with no more than 20 slides or three type-written pages.”
Plus I’m actually using Google Doc’s Presentation, so I think it’s just going to be a link, and not an actual presentation. Thanks though
I have to do this at work often. I don’t “Dear”, seems rather personal. Depending on the time of day, I usually say “Good morning” or “Good afternoon” then the person’s name.
As for the general layout, I would start out with a small introduction, followed by something that shows you’ve paid attention to what they requested, something like “Per our conversation on Monday, I am attaching the requested presetation for your examination.”
Then if they’ve specifically asked for some things to be in there, you can highlight them with a sentence or two like “I have added the Diaper function for your elderly clients, as you suggested, and hope that it soaks up many accidents for years to come”
“Dear” is most definitely not unprofessional; it’s the standard salutation for all correspondence. I use “Dear Mr. X” in emails all the time, and it is in fact more formal than “Good morning” or any other suggestion made above. “Dear John” would slide a bit down the formality scale, but so long as you use their last names, it would be entirely appropriate for an initial email.
When they send you an email back that’s signed “John” then you can start addressing them like that. It’s always better to err on the side of formality in initial correspondence, IMHO.
