Lecturing seems to follow along the same lines of religious witnessing. It rarely does more than piss people off. I think anything where you think that 5 minutes of your time will change a persons life pisses that person off.
Come on everyone, it’s sing-along time in the pit!
I love you!
You love me!
We’re a happy dysfunctional always-fighting-about-the-same-thing nobody’s-going-to-win bunch of people!
With a great big “FUCK YOU” and a rusty chainsaw-fucking…
Would you say you love me too?
gobear:
I nominate this for the most ridiculous statement of the month.
I have and will continue to lecture anyone who boasts about having sex with someone they just met. And not just because of the HIV/STD/pregnancy threat, though that in and of itself is plenty of reason to use caution. The greater immediate risk, especially when you allow yourself to be alone with a strange man, is being hurt. Beaten. Raped. Murdered.
Scott, it’s apparent from your colorful language that I hit a nerve. Good.
You took a stupid, unnecessary risk by going home with someone you just met. You took perhaps an even greater risk by being drunk and getting naked with him, whether or not you actually had intercourse. The potential was there. Drunk, naked people aren’t know for their rational behavior.
Are you sick of hearing the safe sex lectures? Then don’t post threads boasting about your one night stands. What were you expecting with this thread? Congratulatory high-fives about your freakish sexual adventures? (Though FTR, as far as freakish adventures go, this one rates no better than a “3.”)
I’d apologize for hijacking your thread, but I’m a mom and it is in my job description to lecture people. It doesn’t matter that you’re not MY son. We “breeders” stick together and will, at no charge, dole out lectures to all in need of our sage advice (“advise” for the vernacularly challenged Canadians in our viewing audience). And you, my dear, are in need of some sage advice.
L-
gobear:
I nominate this for the most ridiculous statement of the month.
I have and will continue to lecture anyone who boasts about having sex with someone they just met. And not just because of the HIV/STD/pregnancy threat, though that in and of itself is plenty of reason to use caution. The greater immediate risk, especially when you allow yourself to be alone with a strange man, is being hurt. Beaten. Raped. Murdered.
Scott, it’s apparent from your colorful language that I hit a nerve. Good.
You took a stupid, unnecessary risk by going home with someone you just met. You took perhaps an even greater risk by being drunk and getting naked with him, whether or not you actually had intercourse. The potential was there. Drunk, naked people aren’t know for their rational behavior.
Are you sick of hearing the safe sex lectures? Then don’t post threads boasting about your one night stands. What were you expecting with this thread? Congratulatory high-fives about your freakish sexual adventures? (Though FTR, as far as freakish adventures go, this one rates no better than a “3.”)
I’d apologize for hijacking your thread, but I’m a mom and it is in my job description to lecture people. It doesn’t matter that you’re not MY son. We “breeders” stick together and will, at no charge, dole out lectures to all in need of our sage advice (“advise” for the vernacularly challenged Canadians in our viewing audience). And you, my dear, are in need of some sage advice.
L-
That is true.
But it could be truer if it were truncated after the word “shithead”.
Fenris
matt-mcl- that doesn’t say “we didn’t have sex because he was in some kind of coma.” For all we know, he fell into this comatose state after the sex. I mean, at some point before he became unconscious they had time to get naked, so maybe there was time to have sex, too? In his later, clarifying posts, scott evil neither confirms nor denies having intercourse with the fellow.
Big fucking d’uh!
For the love of cheese, I don’t care if you guys went home and played monopoly-going home with a complete and total stranger, especially some random dude you met at a bar definitely does NOT make you a candidate for successor to Einstein!
I’m not talking about sex, either.
Not to mention, you were both drunk!
Hello, you don’t know this guy from Adam! How do you know what kind of person he is? If he’s a serial killer, or some psycho or something?
Hello, did your mother ever have any kids that LIVED?
Good GOD, scott, perhaps we just don’t want to read about you being murdered by some freak like the Son of Sam or Dahmer or whoever!!!
Everyone just relax, for piss’ sake. Look, scotty boy here “went home with a guy.” So? PunditLisa,you should stop being scott’s mom here. If you want to lecture your own kids fine. At the Dope, you’re going to get backtalk for needless lecturing. For the love of all things holy, loosen up. Sure, maybe scottevil shouldn’t have done what he did (if he did anything at all), but who the hell made you Jesus? Don’t tell me you haven’t done anything wrong like this before.
Im not saying people dont get hurt on one night stands. But I doubt scott would be talking this openly about it if he would have gotten beaten, raped, murdered, etc.
Well, of course you hit a nerve. Of course he’ll get defensive. How much shit do gays take just for being themselves and being comfortable with it? You don’t seem to be helping.
This thread is going nowhere. He merely asked you blithering fools how fucked up it was that this unusual event occurred. And you give him a sex ed. lesson? How fucked up is that?
Ya know, unless any of you posters offering up the “safe-sex” advice are Scott’s mom, you should probably just keep it to yerself.
Personally, I’m quite interested to hear what happened after yer friend woke up.
He didn’t mention it, and you didn’t. How totally odd. If you see him again will you bring it up? Are you going to see him again? Did he call you? Did you call him? Maybe it’s too soon. Please, do tell - I’ve never had an experience like this 
(Someone bursting in on my and my friend when we were inflagrante delicto, so to speak…)
Alice in Wonderland - living vicariously through gay men since 1992…
I’d like to second that, Al. Holy hijacks, Batman. Is this the thread where we all drag out all our sexual baggage and point fingers at each other?!?
As for the OP, I don’t find the situation that weird. Which is weird in itself, me being a sheltered Saskatchewanite who isn’t into any of that crazy shit going down in the city. Hmm.
It’s not about sex. I think anyone who would go home with a complete stranger is doing something really, really stupid.
There are times when it’s appropriate to bring up safe sex/HIV information. There are times when it’s really not.
Appropriate: A thread in which straight folks boast of the non-necessity of using condoms when they fuck. When I hear people (of either orientation) boasting that they don’t need to use a condom because “she’s on the pill” or “my tubes are tied”, I think it may be appropriate to make those people aware (as they obviously aren’t) that HIV is nondiscriminatory re orientation.
Inappropriate: When a gay man posts about casual sex. Casual sex != unsafe sex, especially for gay men, who are inundated with safe sex information, HIV awareness, and, quite often, free condoms. If there’s a socialized-in-a-gay-community gay man alive in North America who doesn’t know about HIV and safe sex, I’ll eat my QuickCam.
jayjay
Well, in my nearly ten years being out, I’ve had plenty of opportunity to observe anonymous gay sex culture. And it was this observation that helped restore my faith in human beings.
We’re taught now from birth to be absolutely paranoid of other people. The media takes whatever utterly obscure tale it can find from the four corners of the world and gossips these stories to us, because violence sells. The result is the misconception that our society is actually far more dangerous than it actually is, and a generalized misanthropy follows.
As I write this, dozens of men are pairing off into couples in Montreal’s gay Village. These are men of every race, religion, culture, and class, some English-speaking, others francophone, and a few who speak neither. They will negotiate, as equals, a mutually pleasurable and deeply personal act. And the worst any of them will suffer is a night of bad sex.
Violence is so rare, in these things, that this very anonymous culture suddenly makes the news
I’ve never been much of a participant myself – not for moral reasons, simply because I’m usually to shy to even talk to strangers, and because I found sex with a stranger really wasn’t all that enjoyable for me. But if was what I wanted, I’d go for it, because I’ve seen enough to know there’s very little to be afraid of.
Well, we all have to get our kicks somehow. You might try something a bit more consensual
Thank you!
Straight folks, we love you and bless you, but could you please accept that maybe we know a little bit more about our own sexuality and sexual/social practices than you do?
Furthermore, Guin, correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t you like several times more likely to be raped by someone you know than someone you do not?
For goodness sakes. This has happened with Scott’s threads before, and he’s said that he has always taken the proper precautions. Giving people warnings about safe sex is all very well and good, but when he’s said that he knows all about it, and furthermore that he will always take the proper precautions, can’t we give it a rest?
As far as I can see, this was not even remotely a thread about safe sex. I believe Scott was merely trying to tell us about a somewhat bizarre experience he had, which just happened to involve a guy he’d just met. I agree with Matt: there was no overt mention of Scott’s having sex with this guy in the OP at all.
Since this was not specifically a thread about sex, let’s stop with the lecturing, shall we? (I realize that some people may be trying to help, but I don’t know if it’s appreciated) I’m sure that Scott and all the other gay Dopers have heard about safe sex, new diseases, the proper precautions, etc. ALL THE TIME. In fact, I bet that if they had a nickel for every time they heard about it in unwarranted lectures such as these, they’d definitely be more than rich by now.
While casual sex is a risky behavior, if Scott has always taken the proper precautions, and will continue to do so, then what business is it of ours what he does? Yes, we might care for him and want to impress upon him that what he does is perhaps not in his best interest, but I’m sure that he doesn’t need to be lectured to as if he didn’t have any morals. Besides, which one of us really knows what is in his best interest unless we know him really well IRL? (I don’t, and wouldn’t presume to lecture him on such a personal matter unless I did)
I agree with what runforrestrun said: so what if Scott did go home with a guy he’d just met? Yes, it might be true that he’d be getting the same lecturing if he were heterosexual, and had gone home with a girl he’d just met at the bar or whatever. However, I doubt that it would be tinged with the same “since he obviously doesn’t know about safe sex, ler’s all lecture him until he gets it into his head” element that I see here.
While it’s true that with casual sex and one-night stands, you never know what you might be getting yourself into, I really don’t think Scott would be publicly posting if he HAD gotten raped, beaten, murdered, etc. He would probably have kept it to himself because if he had posted something like “I got raped by a guy I just met last night,” he would be getting all these people saying “I told you so.” (this is just my humble opinion; I don’t presume to know what Scott thinks or feels)
So if someone said the same thjngs to you as you’ve been saying to him, you wouldn’t get defensive? I’d like to see you try that without getting all hot under the collar! Of course he got defensive… a perfectly natural reaction in this case. More power to you if you can take the heat without getting defensive, but in that case, I’d be prone to thinking that you either are one cold-hearted person who doesn’t let anything faze you, or I don’t know what.
PunditLisa: I don’t see anything remotely boastful in the OP, whether it be about one-night stands or something else. And just because you’re a mom doesn’t necessarily give you carte blanche to lecture whoever you want. I don’t think random people on the street would appreciate it much if you saw them littering (for example), then just went up to them and started lecturing.
Your advice may be sage, but it doesn’t mean that everyone should follow it, or be damned forever to burn. I know that if I didn’t specifically ask for advice, and yet you gave it to me (no matter how caring your motives may be), that would definitely fall into the category of unsolicited advice, and as such, would most probably be unappreciated. I believe Scott needed an outlet to express himself, and thought that he could do it on this board without the lectures he’s heard in the past.
And what are you saying about vernacularly-challenged Canadians in the audience? I resent that. I’m sure some Americans are vernacularly challenged, as well.
Are you perhaps uncomfortable that Scott is comfortable with who he is? Do you think that perhaps he’ll have second thoughts about being gay and having casual sex just because you lecture him on the finer points of contracting HIV/AIDS from one night of sex? He KNOWS about it already, which is why he’s always taken the proper precautions and all that. While it’s true that drunken people aren’t known for rational behavior, he has said that he would never ride someone bareback. (that means “I’d never have sex without a condom” for all you dense people out there)
I think a “chyck” is a dyke lesbian, though I could be wrong.
And as long as we’re correcting everyone’s spelling and grammar here:
Cnote, it should be “CAREFUL”… please note the absence of the double L.
F_X
F_X, it should be “THINGS”.
Please note the absence of the J.
stv, wise-ass
Hamish, violence may be rare in these things, but I guess when violence does happen, the media instantly jumps on it, like the Aaron Webster case. Since the media reports this kind of thing perhaps a bit sensationally, the general public tends to think that violence and casual gay sex go hand in hand. It really doesn’t help that brutal murders, rapes, etc. are reported in the media nearly every day, either.
Matt, this is one straight person who wouldn’t presume to know more about the gay social culture, sexual practices, etc. than gays themselves do. And I don’t have a cite or statistics for this, but I think you’re right: Rapes (and murders?) by strangers are less commonplace than the same by people who are known to the victim.
alice_in_wonderland, I have some of the same questions. However, I don’t know if Scott will post that here on the board. Like featherlou has said, this seems to be the “Hijack Thread.” (not that I haven’t been guilty of perpertrating it when all I did was respond to the hijacks) Scott, if you want to tell us how everything went afterwards, you can post here; don’t worry. (or you can email me, at least)
What Scott described would certainly shock me, to say the least. Honestly, if I was sleeping in someone’s arms, and some girl came in the house and started to go on about how certain things were hers, and not the guy’s, that would certainly be very surprising.
F_X
stv: quote? (because for some reason, I can’t see it)
Hey, it’s how I found out about my infamous typo.
And before anyone says anything, I know it should be “let’s” and not “ler’s”… I just type too fast sometimes, and thought I’d caught all errors in proofreading. Apparently not. 
F_X
Absofuckinglutely and a big hooray for Matt. (who is a minor deity in this household)
Look. If you go home with someone you just met, in order to shag them, and proceed to shag them, then congrats on a job well done. You did what you set out to do. I accept that it’s possible that the lad or lass you’ve pulled may try to start out with the sort of sex you don’t want, but then if you have a gram of sense and the backbone God gave to a meadow vole, you put them right and say you don’t do that particular thing. Is not rape.
If you allow yourself to be alone (come back to mine for coffee brandy and cigars, or whatever) with someone you DON’T want to have sex with and who you don’t entirely trust, but you ignore that nagging gut feeling because he’s a friend, right, he wouldn’t do anything, THEN you are exposing yourself to a slight danger.
It’s very rare that people get murdered by people who they’ve pulled and gone home with for wild hot sex. It makes the news because it’s so bastard rare.
The thing that got me about PunditLisa’s post was the suggestion that if you break a rule in the book of “How to be very chaste and good” by pulling someone for sex, then you have no right to make any sort of moral or value judgement on anything at all. No right to comment on the potential loss of personal property to an ex. And that really chaps my flaps.