I received a medical questionnaire for a small work related injury who’s follow up was done more for the covering of all’s asses than for my actual not so much of an injury.
So short trip to the E.R., check… Ok, all’s in working order, back up to work.
A couple weeks later I get a Xeroxed medical claims questionnaire that is… well… laughable. I’ve never had to fill one out so I don’t know if this is the norm, but again, they’re covering their asses as well so they’ve gotta cover all the bases.
Example questions (out of four pages of yes and no’s and explain if yes):
Have you ever been hospitalized (including Emergency Room visits)?
If yes, explain:
Well in the whole three inch by a third of an inch space I’m supposed to explain that when I was 5 I had an earache that was so bad the trip to the E.R. is burned into my memory. Oh, and I’m supposed to list what doctor I had.
Now I have three inches left to write (I’m using a micron pen and a magnifying glass, by the way).
Next up… Hrm… I think I stepped on a nail in 4th grade… Maybe 5th.
Two and three quarters.
Bike crash… how old was I? 11? Nothing major, still got a neato scar on my ankle from it, though. Nothing broken or even sprained. Just some road rash.
Two left.
Um… Had a big fat kid fall on my ankle while playing king of the hill on a snowbank in middle school. Sprained ankle, though not bad. Trip to the E.R., though, just to make sure nothing fractured.
And let’s see… I’ve got three quarters of an inch left to write another bike accident in High School that left me with a few other scars on my elbows, a fainting spell that left me with a bump on the head (hadn’t eaten breakfast and was out in 90+ degree heat), um… Another sprained ankle… Did I even go to the E.R. for that one? I can’t remember…
Cool. question… Four done.
**
Ever had surgery?** Ok… I can kinda understand this one… They want to know if something’s been knocked loose that was originally stitched to something else way back when. I’ll give them that one.
Eye surgery 1996ish (I found out years later at a routine eye appointment with that doctor that he actually took my eyes out of my skull. I didn’t know that before he mentioned it).
**Ever had a knee injury, prior broken bones or sprains of any extremity including hands, feet, arms, legs, and fingers?
**
:dubious: Really?
sigh…
An ankle or two, as mentioned above, um, I think I might’ve had a sprained finger… I can’t remember, they bandaged it up real good and put a splint on it… That was in 2nd grade… Meh, I can’t remember if there’s anything else.
Do you have any physical limitations?
Hrm… I’ll check yes on that one.
I wrote in that I couldn’t fly.
I hope they have a sense of humor or I’m going to be paying for this visit out of pocket…
Please list the names and addresses of any former family doctors:
Well two are dead… One of those two retired when I was like 7… I don’t even remember his last name… Doug, though, he was cool. Lollypops and I don’t even remember a pointy shot. Guy #2 I remember his name. And town. A quick google search and I don’t think he still practices. Other guy, I visited him only once or twice… Beginning of high school… I didn’t have to see him for a few years and I think he died of a heart attack or a stroke or something and then I didn’t have a doc as I went into college. I for the life of me can’t remember his name, home address, or social security number.
Have you ever had any x-rays, MRI or CT scans taken? If so when and where, and for what?
OH FOR THE LOVE OF F#%K.
Now I don’t feel so bad about the “I can’t fly” comment.
Multiple dentists (no, I don’t have their home numbers), orthodonists, (those are teeth doctors too) one or two of those sprains, fell off a bike… Etc…
I did actually get fed up and wrote “Etc…”… I mean, really? They want me to have a catalog of the many many x-ray’s a 24 year old male has had in their life along with the names and office addresses of the doctors administering them?
Right…
Anyway, that’s all the fun stuff… Unless you want me to read off all the things I checked “NO” to that’s about all there is to the story.
