I have to admit, the ability to laugh at oneself ranks pretty high on my “signs of maturity” list. (I thought this initially when reading the OP, but I was waiting for someone else to say it. )
But on the other hand, different people are sensitive to different things. For example, when my boyfriend decides to spend a weekend night watching rugby instead of spending it with me, I take it as a sign that our relationship is falling apart and spend the night weeping into my pillow with his shirt clutched to my bosom. My boyfriend thinks I’m being overly sensitive, but he WOULD say that, bloody Irishman.
If these were one-off events, almost certainly not.
But the vast majority of the time this is a repetitive behavior by someone that games social situations to boost their own ego with petty “punked” attacks on others.
Invariably they can dish it out but can’t take it. You don’t mind spoiling others’ fun, but clearly you overreact to them spoiling yours. How is their overreaction more of a problem than yours?
Cruel? No. Mildly dickish, given that the host pulled this on a stranger? Yes. And since one’s first impression is a lasting one, the OP could be forgiven for assuming that the host was a dick in general and not want to spend more time with him.
Still not convinced that jokes designed to make other people uncomfortable are a sign of great maturity either…
No, it’s because, in all of these threads, the rest of us are reading without responding, out of acute embarrassment, repeatedly slamming our heads on the desk.
OP: You left early because of a stupid joke? Fuck me!
Again that’s the crux: some people think these jokes are designed to provoke embarrassment and discomfort. Other people think they are designed to provoke harmless surprise. Kind of like being on a mini-rollercoaster or something.
We’ve all been victims of the ole “You have something on your shirt…just kiddin’, ha ha, made you look!” It’s a lame, silly joke that no adult should consider doing if they want to be viewed as sophisticated, but it’s essentially no different than the joke told in the OP. So if this is an example of cruelty, then “yo mama” jokes rank up there with atomic warfare, and we should consider banning jokes altogether.
The ability to laugh at oneself may not be a sign of maturity, but it is a sign of being comfortable in one’s skin. I’d be inclined to think someone who is offended by these kind of maneuvers takes life a little too seriously, and I’d probably avoid them out of risk of hurting their feelings unintentionally. I subscribe to the same philosophy when it comes to people who go apeshit when people accidentally step on their white sneakers.
I laugh at myself all the time. When I genuinely do something stupid. I take mockery in those instances.
But for the life of me, I cannot see why I should laugh at myself for taking someone else’s words sincerely, absent other context. “Ha ha, you trusted me!”
That’s a bit of an exaggeration, don’t you think? A rather huge exaggeration, I’d say.
Personally, I think that the joke described in the OP is quite a bit more harsh than the “spot on your shirt joke,” but that’s admittedly a matter of opinion. Also, as many others have already noted, it’s one thing to use the “spot on your shirt” joke on an old friend. It’s quite another thing to do it to someone you scarcely know, especially when you’re the host and they might not yet be feeling comfortable at your gathering. I wouldn’t blame the victim for thinking that he wouldn’t want to invest too much effort in socializing with this kind of person.
BTW, some have stated that the OP turned around immediately and drove away. That’s not what happened, folks. Dripping very clearly stated that he hung around for a while, but later decided to leave before the night had run its course. That’s a pretty major difference there.
Okay, the first example is rather boorish, considering he didn’t know you well, but what both of these boil down to is “busting your balls”. The correct response is to give it them crap back, laugh at it, and then move on. Cast a pall for the rest of the evening? Christ, that is an incredible overreaction.
It really, truly does. Especially now that it’s gone on for four pages.
I see your guys’es point, in that Dripping reacted perhaps somewhat out of proportion to what had happened. And I agree that the opening joke was not ‘cruel’, though it is a dick move, I’m sorry, but it is.
I did read the entire thread. Dripping very clearly stated that he hung around for a while, and then later decided to leave. None of his subsequent postings contradict this statement.
You said, “The idea that someone would respond to that gentle teasing with a utter straight face and then wordlessly turn around, get into their car and drive away…sigh…I mean. I don’t know what to say. Come on.” Based on his account though, that is NOT what happened. So why should one insist on painting such a gross caricature of his response?
Personally, while I probably would not have left early, I can understand how someone else might – especially if they had a bad day, or if the party was dull, or if he simply felt that he didn’t quite fit in.
One person asked if a negative response to this “joke” might be an indication of one’s maturity level. Maybe it is, and maybe not. I do think that the ability to understand why people can have a wide range of responses to this situation IS a hallmark of maturity, though.
I don’t think there is any question that people can react to things in a wide range of ways. What takes some savviness is appreciating when those reactions are reasonable and when they are not.
I think it’s debateable whether the OP’s reaction was immature or not. But I do think it takes maturity to recognize when one is overreacting to something and taking responsibility for that emotional response instead of blaming it on someone else.
Well, when people say things like “The correct response in this situation is…”, it rather suggests that they don’t grasp how different people can respond in different ways.
In the UK, I would take the sort of joke the host made as an offer of familiarity. It says, “I am comfortable enough with you to make the sort of joke friends make; we’re on friendly terms”.
From what I am reading here, it seems that it goes the other way around with some people, and that friendship should be verified before that sort of joke is made. But I would see it as a signifier of the beginning of friendship/closer-than-acquaintances, and from a host, a gesture of setting-at-ease.
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