Okay, I’m a chick and sometimes I dress in what my friends and I like to call “drive-by hooting” attire. One day I went downtown to do some shopping and have lunch with my mom. I got a number of drive-by hootings (i.e. guys driving by and honking, whistling, etc.) and I didn’t mind. When I show off my legs and my tattoos, that’s what I expect, and it’s a real ego boost.
Then I go to a grocery store and the checkout weasel calls me “Sweetie,” and something about the way he said it made my skin crawl. I wanted to go home and scrub his slimy juju off my flesh.
I can understand when a chick reacts negatively to something like that. But there is a HUGE difference between having your sexy appearance appreciated by someone of either sex, and being leered at visually or vocally. If she gets all pissy because her clothing has EXACTLY THE EFFECT SHE INTENDED IT TO, then she’s just a barking clitnugget. (not sure what that means, but I saw it in an “adult” book once and thought it had a nice ring to it )
Continue to appreciate sexy women (and men). Wear shades if you don’t want them to catch you. And don’t let anyone give you crap for it, unless you’re bein’ an icky perv.
Staring as if my breasts are on fire are quite another thing. A few times I’ve gone out with breasts in tow (they’re kind of hard to leave behind ) and I’ve gotten the MOST intense stares - like men were trying to bore holes through me. And all I was wearing was a not-too-tight t-shirt and jeans. That’s creepy.
I have rather large breasts, and I learned when I was quite young that if I wore what the other girls wore (somewhat fitted blouses, scoop neck, but not “low cut”) I got stared at. Granted, these styles were NOT revealing at all on a girl with “average” sized breasts, so I was deluded (at first) into thinking that I could wear them too and not get stares. But it doesn’t work that way. I have learned that I have to take extra measures to minimize the stares. I didn’t like getting leered at, so I learned what I needed to do to avoid them (at least somewhat). I do remember one time getting the “your breasts are on fire” stare from some creepy guy when I was wearing a bulky, loose sweater. Sometimes you just can’t win.
I guess my point is, I have always been made to feel accutely uncomfortable by pointed looks or stares, but I knew what I needed to do to minimize them. I sure as hell wouldn’t go out in a super-low-cut dress and get pissed at those people who merely “looked”. Give me a freakin’ break.
Xploder-I think you should go to her manager and explain how she is sexually harassing YOU! After all, if you showed up in a tight speedo or some such outfit, she could claim a hostile workplace. Sounds like she is making work uncomfortable for you.
I’m still waiting for Superdude to post his; I think most of the shots of my cleavage were on his camera–unless he chooses to keep all of them for his own private use…
I suppose this is why I don’t dress like that. I’m not comfortable being gawked at, and never have been.
I’ve never understood why anyone who obviously dresses for attention, be they hootchie mamas, people tattooed from head to toe, or people with shaved heads and multiple piercings in weird places, would resent that attention?
Hmmm, despots of times past such as the Imperial court in China made it an offence to look directly at the Emporer.
Are we saying now that freedom to direct ones gaze should be restricted ?
Part of it actually goes further, some posters here have stated they object to certain sorts of stare, why ? Because they don’t appreciate what they think the person is thinking.
Either grow a shell or don’t go out, but don’t even think of restricting my right to look and think.
Oh. I see we’re going down that road again. ::Thinking of “breastas” thread::
I can only speak for myself, but I don’t want to restrict anyone necessarily. However, when a guy STARES long and hard at my breasts (perhaps through the big bulky sweater I am wearing) I do reserve the to think he is a scuzball. I personally “object” to being stared at as if my breasts are on fire, though this certainly isn’t the same thing as wanting to restrict what people stare at. Staring isn’t against the law - it just is in poor taste in many cases. And I reserve the right to think so, and form opinions about people who do it.
The OP described a woman who got offended simply by being looked at. I think everyone here has agreed that that was ridiculous given her outfit. However, some women have described the sort of look that most of us object to, and it’s not the simple eyeballing, it’s the accompanying facial expression or body language that make it offensive or uncomfortable for us. It’s when the look goes on too long or is of a leering quality that it becomes invasive. It’s because that sort of look can at times be a prelude to, or is at least remeniscent of, unwanted advances. So it’s not really that we’re after thought control, it’s that we’re concerned about maintaining the integrity of our personal space.
While I am one that prefers jeans and big tshirts, I find that (IMHO) if a woman wears a revealing outfit attention is to be gotten.
Will everyone respond appropriately? No, I think most women need to understand that. Granted us woman aren’t as overt when it comes to checking out a guy in the nicest of jeans, an over-bulging (sp) crotch and has the finest set of pecs and arms…but women need to understand that if you go out looking like a hootch, chances are you will be looked at by some person on this earth as a hootch. Sometimes it aint a positive look.
I am pretty conservative and haven’t always been but I have been the subject of unwanted attention. From that point on I decided (this was when I had a cute bod and a J.Lo ass) that I would dress in a way that doesn’t attract unwanted attention. To this day, even in my state of being 25 pounds more than I used to be, I can wear a nice turtleneck and a nice pair of jeans and still look pretty. I am not out to look like some prostitute nor am I out to look like a nun but in my opinion, a woman’s sexuality can come through much better with a few secrets that I think many men would rather think about.
Now, for those of you with large breasts, I have seen it with my best friend. She can be wearing the baggiest of shirts and because of her breast size men always are looking at her boobs. This I think is rude and uncalled for. But if she were to wear a body suit to work with a short skirt then I think she is in for unwanted comments.
I honestly think that the woman in the OP is being a supreme bitch if all you did was innocently check her out. If you were to say something rude or give her some suggestive look then she’s warranted. But in the end, if you look like a slut and you dress like a slut then people will think you are a slut.
It’s how you wear it ladies, it really is. Unfortunately guys don’t have the same problem and that’s not your fault but given our culture women are perceived as sexual objects, even amongst women. So, dress appropriately for the right circumstance and remember that even going a little conservative can be sexy too.
Oh, my.
Split decision here, lacking first-hand exposure to the The Costume or the Male Look.
Not to roil muddy waters or anything but sometimes women “dress pretty” just for themselves. No, it doesn’t make objective sense but them’s the facts. The point really isn’t to impress men OR other women; it’s nothing more complicated (HA!) than cheering themselves up.
Men, you’re just as mystifying. Just in different ways. But to continue…
I’m never offended by polite male scoping. True fact, it’s an ego boost, especially when it’s unexpected, i.e. I’m schlepping around in shorts and a T-shirt. A quick smile and keep on walking–but IMO it’s a human grace note. When I dress up “for pretty”, for myself, same holds. It isn’t scary or offensive; it’s NICE.
But then there are leers. Yeah, this is subjective as hell but getting stripped and dissected by an eye-microscope can be unnerving. It’s non-PC as hell but dressing to seduce is a visual invitation. I have scant patience with crypto-pussycats who wear the bare minimum then complain they get ogled. Don’t dress like a sex kitten if you don’t want the “looks”. Equally, ordinary women who value appreciation don’t neccessarily want strangers staring at their chests.
I started out with some point to make but this is such a minefield it may behoove me to retire.
When I dress cute, I expect to get looks. It’s part of the appeal. I remember one summer me and some friends went to Gatlinburg,TN and walked up and down the main strip for hours, counting how many people honked or made suggestive comments to us. We got extra points for the guy riding a bicycle that hit a parked car.
But if I’m wearing comfort clothes, it means I’m not worried what other people think, and I’d just as rather not have the attention. For example, this weekend I’m helping my mom move into her new house. We found out Friday it needs an entire new paintjob, because the old people moved their furniture out of the way, the place looked like shit. I spent most of my weekend painting. Wearing shorts (not extremely short) and a tshirt, I went back to Tru Value for more paint. I’m covered in paint. My hair’s in a sloppy bun, covered with a bandanna. As I’m walking through the parking lot, this creepy looking guy whistled, and yells out “Hey, you got some paint on you! Wanna go take a shower with me and I’ll help you get it off?” It made me feel so much dirtier…
I was walking down the street the other day, and noticed a pretty attractive woman coming towards me. She was showing quite a bit of leg and her blouse fit her lovely form quite flatteringly, and the way she walked conveyed (to me) that she knew (and enjoyed) that a good portion of everyone she passed would notice her.
And I wondered, what the heck would it be like to KNOW that as you walked down the street, a good percentage of people would notice you and think you attractive? And a couple of yahoos might even drive off the fucking road in their distraction. Wouldn’t that give you a feeling of power and be a source of self confidence? That you have the ability to transform ostensibly sentient beings into slavering idiots? Or, on a less base level, that a number of people will notice you and think you attractive, instead of just being an anonymous member of the herd.
I don’t consider myself exactly a troll, but then I don’t mislead myself to think I am particularly attractive either. And I could dress myself up in the most flattering manner possible, groom myself any which way, and I still could not imagine that as I walked down the street people would covertly (or overtly) leer at me, or imagine me a sex object.
I’m not passing judgment here on whether such ogling or thinking is a good thing. Certainly a discreet appreciative glance is no problem. I’m just observing what a neat mental state it must be to be able to dress a certain way and know people you pass will think you attractive.
And excuse me, but the idea that passersby will in some way fantasize about me? Uh, I can’t get even my twisted mind around that ludicrous idea.
I work in a group home, all our clients are men. They react just like most men when they see a scantily clad woman because they too, are men with normal urges.
Imagine then when the pretty girl comes to work wearing a little sun dress that hugged every curve and emphasizes her cleavage.
(disclaimer)
Yes… I noticed, But I am a guy that just happens to be married to a goddess and am therefore immune to the charms of scantily clad women.
I don’t know if she realized the effect her attire had but if she didn’t, she would have to be pretty dim in that regard. Other than this, she does terrific work and knows her job backwards and forwards.
So I had to ask my supervisor to talk to her as she was driving the guys to distraction. I hear she took it well.
The guys ask me when she’s coming back to work and I think she’s booked to work this coming weekend. With the weather being cooler I hope she is wearing something a little less revealing. They’ll still be distracted by her because she’s young and cute but it won’t be because she’s young, cute, and showing of the endowments she has been blessed with to quite the same degree.
This situation can be quite scary when it happens at work, it is all too easy for people to claim that they were harassed and I think that people should dress appropriately when at their workplace to avoid this kind of situation. The ladies who work at Hooters are of course, exempt from this rule.
Geeze, dentarthurdent, didn’t anyone ever tell you that you have to chirp like a bat and use sonor to get a mental picture of the female, then force yourself to not even acknowledge her presence with your eyes? Even a nanosecond glance lowers their opinion of you!
Unless, of course, you look like Brad Pitt. Then feel free to squeeze her hooters a couple times and go “honk honk!”
)
) and I’ve gotten the MOST intense stares - like men were trying to bore holes through me. And all I was wearing was a not-too-tight t-shirt and jeans. That’s creepy.