I woke up and fired up the Message Board yesterday and what do I see? An outpouring of love and respect for little ol’me.
Wow, this is too cool! What did I ever do to deserve this? Yessiree Bob, this is the happiest day of my life (as a Doper).
ding-dong
That’s odd, we don’t have a doorbell… oh well…
knock knock knock
Someone’s at the door. I wonder who it could be…
“Hello, Mr. DeDay…”
“Call me Rue.”
“OK, Rue, I am Life.”
“Ah no, I have enough already. Thanks all the same.”
“Ahhh, before I go, just one more thing…” Life does a great Peter Falk. If Life ever stops by have him do his Peter Falk impression. It’s great. I heard Death does a good Christopher Walkin, but you really don’t want to see that. “Do you remember your refrigerator?”
“Oh yeah, it’s a great one. Chipped out of stone, like it came off The Flinstones set. I think it uses mastadon fat as the coolant. It must have a high hematite content, the magnets stick so well. Pretty clever of us to add insulation in the form of pre-school art prjects, isn’t it? Yup, all in all it’s a miracle of modern… technology… You said “remember” right?”
“Yes, yes I did.”
“Crap.”
“Gotta go,” said Life. And he went.
So, here I am with a dead refrigerator. Luckily it’s before The Little Woman left for work. We shuttled food down to the freezer and the “dorm fridge” in the basement. She chose to stay home and watch the boys, while I went refrigerator hunting. She also had to call our insurance guy, Dean Cain. Yup, TV’s Superman. Not the new Smallville Superman, the Lois and Clark cancelled Superman. He’s our insurance guy. He wears the tights all the time too. Pitiful. But he knows his insurance.
My choices were limited. Sears, Lowe’s, Home Depot and a local place that you wouldn’t know about unless you live around here. I won’t mention their name because they weren’t that helpful and they cheesed me off. Sears won’t be open for about an hour, so I went to Lowe’s first.
Lookie there! They have one right in my price range! It’s a little smaller than what we have, but we have the big freezer downstairs, so it should work out fine. But you can’t buy the first refrigerator you see. It’s just not done that way. Like buying melons. You have to thump a few before you buy one. I don’t know why, it’s just the way things are done.
So off to the local place that you wouldn’t know about unless you live around here.
“Do you have a fridge in almond?”
“Almond? You want almond, you get a candy bar! Bwa-hahahaha!”
That cheesed me off. I hate that store now. I didn’t want to buy there anyway.
Back to Sears. All their fridges come out of Columbus. Can’t get 'em till Wednesday. Nope, not till Wednesday. What about in an emergency? You can get them early on Wednesday. Thanks so much.
How about Home Depot? The same fridge as Lowe’s only less cheap. Not good.
Back to Lowe’s. Oh crap! Will this fit in the hole our old one is coming out of? Quick call home. No, no it won’t. OK, don’t panic. Look around. Here’s one. Not a cheap as I wanted, but not too bad. I’ll take it. It comes today. I can’t wait.
Then I got a haircut.
So that’s what I was doing all day yesterday. I bought a fridge and got a haircut. And cut the grass. And painted the deck. (A nice cedar stain actually.) (The stain is a nice cedar color, it’s not a stain just for cedar.)
I hate Life. If he shows up again, I’ll give him a ding about the ear. After he does his Peter Falk, of course.
-Rue.
