In today’s Washington Post, columnist Paul Farhi rails against the three-year sentence facing convicted dog-killer Andrew Burnett, stating that it’s too harsh and that it’s uncreative. He goes on to say that he’s only getting three years because it was a cute dog. (He also makes a bunch of unsupported assertions about people, animals and crime, but that’s neither here nor there.)
But he saves his best bon mot for last. I can only imagine how he sat there after finishing, staring at his screen for several minutes in smug satisfaction:
I hear this suggestion bandied about quite often in regards to people convited of animal cruelty. Real clever. If of course by “clever” one means “idiotic.”
“Hey, here’s a great idea! Let’s take a man who was just convicted of tossing a dog into traffic on the freeway, who was accused of beating another dog to death with a crowbar, and who was taped in a prison phone conversation joking about holding a ‘dog-kicking contest.’ And you know what we’re going to do with him? Force him to spend ten years working in close quarters with abandoned, abused and sick animals!”
Great idea, Einstein. After that, we can start sentencing child molestors to work in day-care centers, then maybe allow arsonists to work for the fire department.
You’re forgetting murderers as EMTs.
How about arsonists as firefighters.
Drug dealers as pharmacists.
Or they could sentence burglars to jobs as night watchmen.
…or arsonists as firefighters.
Child pornographers as day-care teachers.
Wait, I’ve got this brilliant idea: you see, I think we should remove the current fire department entirely, because we can get free labor out of convicted…
I do have to agree that the sentence is uncreative; well-deserved, but unrcreative. I mean really, 3 years jail time? Every judge in the country has done it. That is so 1990s. The current standard is to wait 2 weeks, then call them back for sentencing.
You don’t think that 10 years of shoveling animal shit would be an appropriate punishment? It’s not like they’d give him the job of “kitten petter” or something…
Hijackers as flight attendants
Drunk drivers as taxi drivers
Meter maids as people who lick my crusty ass all day long.
Oh wait, that’s not how this game works, is it? sorry.
3 years does seem excessive. A first time offender for burlary and vandalism shouldn’t get that much. Oh well.
There was a case where a judge allowed the victim of a burglar to eneter the burglar’s home and take any item. However about we let the owner of the bichon frise kill on of Andrew Burnett’s pets? (Or kick in the TV if there are no pets.)
And how about arsonists as firefighters.
Wasn’t a crowbar, but rather 'twas a shore patrol baton.
The real question is: How are the other prisoners going to treat this cretin?
Hahaha, mouthbreather. Chuckled hard enough to spew snot all over my chest, that comment made my germ-riddled ass’ day!
And how about them arsonists as ah f*ck it…
How about people who set fires as firefighters? I think there is a name for that… arsenic or something.
10 years of shoveling animal shit sounds like working in a horse stall.
Sexual offendors as psychologists.
I was wondering that myself. Like:
“Oh, watch out. Here comes Mr ‘I kill helpless, trusting animals because I’m a giant human penis’. Better not get on his bad side.”
Let’s make Jeffery Dahmer the chef…
Embezzlers as accountants.
Car thieves as dealers.
Maybe an animal shelter wouldn’t be the greatest place to put him, but alternative sentencing is certainly something to look at. Prisons have to give early releases to truly evil people because they’re so crowded – surely he doesn’t need to occupy a slot that a deserving human-killer could have instead.