My local ski area is offering a deal where for $60 you get three private ski or snowboard lessons. This includes all equipment and lift tickets. It’s a great deal.
But for fuck’s sake people don’t do things like:
Whistlepig at the check-in desk:
“I have a lesson scheduled to learn how to snowboard.”
Clerk: “Snowboard? Aren’t you a little old for that? Are you sure you don’t want to learn how to ski?”
Whistlepig: “Nope.”
Whistlepig at the equipment rental:
Clerk: “Really, you want to learn how to snowboard? You’ve never done it before?” (laughter)
Whistlepig with the instructor:
Instructor: “You kind have to do that thing with that one leg in order to go this way and then lean on that other leg to do that, um, whatdoyoucallit, other way.”
Whistlepig returning his equipment:
Clerk: “Dude, you’re quitting already? Maybe we could take you outside and beat you with ski poles so that you feel like you got properly punished by trying to learn how to snowboard.”
Listen up ski resort people:
I quit because I hit my frustation point. I was actually doing well but I just got pissed off at my inability to carve turns on the 30 foot wide beginners slope. I’ll be back and do it better. But don’t second-guess my decision to say, “I am no longer in a learning moment.”
I’m 43 years old, I’ve never done downhill skiing and I want to learn a new sport. Don’t take my money and then give me shit about it. Snowboarding looks more fun than skiing and I’d rather deal with one board than two boards and two poles.
I’ve made my living for the last 22 years teaching people how to do tasks from brushing their teeth to filling out TPS reports. I am an excellent instructor. I will try and lead you, Mr. Instructor, in how to teach me but you have to be somewhat articulate.
Next time I’ll be a little bit positive assertive. Or maybe just snap at the equipment guy. I’ve taken lessons in a number of sports and I think ski area people need to learn from golf pros - be pleasent, be nice, stress the positive. I’ve never had someone in the golf pro shop say - “Dude, you’re taking a LESSON?”
Whistlepig, who is taking his second snowboarding lesson real soon and stating his goals and expectations at the start of the lesson.
Sounds like you needed to find a certified instructor who is an adult, but what you found were some punks. Unfortunately, a lot of kids teach snowboarding and skiing so as to receive ski passes that otherwise would be difficult to afford, rather than teach because they are dedicated teachers. The difference often shows in attitude and teaching ability.
“Why, is snowboarding specifically for children or something? I thought it was an actual sport. Does it have an age limit? You didn’t give an age limit when you advertised the lessons.”
“Oh, I didn’t realize the lessons were supposed to be for punishing people. Are you even allowed to beat your paying customers with ski poles?”
Sounds like this equipment clerk has a bad case of Maitre-D Syndrome: try to make your establishment seem more “authentic” and superior by sneering at your customers. Methinks somebody needs to learn a little lesson about customer service in business.
(Potential slack cut to equipment clerk if he was actually just teasing in a genuinely friendly way and not trying to be a “cool sport” snob. Potential slack also cut to whistlepig if he was overreacting a bit due to irritation at the non-cooperation of that goddamned piece-of-shit stupid motherfucking snowboard. Learning a new sport can be really frustrating!)
Bend your knees more than you think you should. It will help you get more of an edge and make committing to the turn easier. Also, when I was teaching beginners, I found it helpful to have them hold their hands out in front of them, as if they were being towed by a rope. Sometime just being able to see where your hands are can increase your balance amazingly.
I can’t believe that the dude asked if you thought you were too old! My mum bought my dad a snowboard for his 60th birthday, and while he still spent most of his time on skis, he did love it, and took to it quickly.
Here’s what I learned, kind of by accident, when teaching myself to snowboard- get off of the beginner slope. All of the control you have over your board depends on the ability to carve an edge. If you’re on a slope with (hypothetically) a 45 degree angle, you’ll have a lot of play between the surface of the snow and your balance point. If you’re on a slope that’s practically flat, you’ll have very little play. I found that on my first day, I could start, stop, turn and move in any direction at will while on the steeper slopes, but when I got to the bottom into the beginner area, I lost all control because of the reduced slope.
I’m sure more qualified boarders will come along and refute everything I just said, but from one relative beginner to another, that was my experience.
Good luck and buy some wrist guards. I hear tell that the most common snowboard injury is double broken wrists.
“Actually, I had so much fun learning snowboarding that I’m going to turn everyone in my retirement community on to it. You’ll have Q-tips out here en masse before long. Hope you have room!”
You know, I just had the polar (hah!) opposite experience. I’m about the same age you are, and had my first skiing lesson the other week. The people couldn’t have been better about it, and nobody mentioned anything about my advanced age. Of course, this was skiing, not snowboarding, but one of the instructors was in fact a teenager, and he was great. No wisecracks from him.
Plus, what’s the deal with trying to discourage people from learning? Like, isn’t the whole point of the introductory package that you’ll learn and love it and then come back and pay full price? I hope there’s another ski area in your neck of the woods that’ll give you less shit.
My first instructor threw up on the lift-with me seating next to her.
The next instructor was extremely sarcastic-first he asked me if I was double jointed.
Hey, I know I’m uncoordinated but please.
He then told me that if I fell one more time, he’d name part of the mountain after me.
I was resigned to spending the entire weekend in the hot tub with serious alcoholic libations (not necessarily a bad thing, mind you) but damn it, I really did want to learn to ski.
Luckily, I was with a friend who could sense my frustration and she took it upon herself to spend the rest of the afternoon coaching me.
Under her guidance, I picked it up quite quickly and was soon having an absolute blast.
Sure, I still fell and sure, I didn’t look all that graceful but I improved each time I launched myself down the slope.
I have no earthly idea why ski and snowboarding instructors can be such snotty jerks
“I mean, the whole family is there, your mom goes to all this trouble to cook a delicious Christmas dinner, and you can’t even sit down and enjoy it because of the two ski poles jammed right up your smart ass.”
Did you catch any of the Olympic snowboard footage and interviews? It was, like, WAY intense, dude, but they sold me on the gnarliness of the sport. I love The Flying Tomato, et al., but it’s excruciating to listen to them talk.
The most irritating thing in Finding Nemo was the surfer-dude sea turtle character – which I assumed was a grotesque, OTT exaggeration. Turns out he was just a snowboarder in the offseason!
I’m of two minds on this thing. On the one hand you can speak/type excellent English. On the other you might really suck hard and could be a serious hazard.
Learn how to fall on your ass. Take a lesson. Wear a helmet.
What a bunch of jackasses. I think that there’s some very slight basis to their surprise at a 43 year-old wanting to learn to snowboard - I know from experience that falling down while learning to snowboard hurts a LOT more than falling down while learning to ski. But for crying out loud, isn’t it up to whistlepig to decide for himself (herself?) whether or not it hurts too much, without input from idiot employees? I would recommend sticking with it, by the way. I’m a skier who’s only snowboarded once, but I thoroughly enjoyed (and bruised) myself. It certainly is hard to carve at slow speeds, which can be frustrating, though you can still turn and control yourself pretty well by skidding after some practice. This can take some serious upper-body work, though. That’s one of the reasons that I like skiing - the movements required are a bit more subtle. Keep at it, and don’t let the bastards grind you down! Oh, and watch that downhill edge. Catching it at any kind of speed, and you’re in a world of pain.
I always tell people that the learning curve for snowboarding is a lot shorter than for skiing, but about eleventy-bazillionteen times more painful. That first day is quite the ab workout:)
