I am also very sorry for your loss.
I grieve with you over the loss of your sister. May the warm embrace of God and your family be a comfort to you in the trying times ahead.
We are curently waiting on evaluations of my sisters tissue and organs. It should be less than a day now until a list of recipients is worked out for her organs. She was in good physical shape, and not old, so they will get a lot. This hospital honors organ donors by having the hallway to surgery lined with all available staff that stands there in respect, as the gurney/bed is wheeled along. I’d never heard of this practise. Family got together this evening for dinner, and to advise my BIL on plans to make. He;s 58, a little younger than my sister was, but has never had the handling of a death before. We told him the funeral home our family has used is going to be very helpful. They hadn’t had any burial plans at all, but my family has an empty spot near my dad and other relatives, so that will go to sis and be of little cost.
Again, thanks for all the good wishes, it means so much to me.
So sudden. You’re still in shock, no doubt.
You are in my thoughts. Peace and strength to you and your family.
Sis will go in to surgery at midnight. I hope the recipients do well. It’s getting more real. My BIL wants several of us family at the meeting with the funeral home, for input on what to do.I wish we could know the fate of the recipients, I wish them all the best, as that is what Sis would want.
BIL needs at least one person with him when he makes arrangements. He’s not going to comprehend a single thing.
Before you, go, gently ask him, cremation or burial? Does he have a plot already, or a niche in a columbarium? Is BIL a veteran?
If he is, both he and his wife are entitled to burial or inurnment at a National Cemetery. Someone else needs to check online, it could be that the closest one to him is closed, so you’ll need to find another. If he is a vet, and if he wants her buried in a National Cemetery, somebody needs to handle the arduous task of finding his DD form 214. It is absolutely necessary.
Really, though, he desperately needs family with him. The director will ask a thousand questions, and he will get a bewildered look on his face and cry, “I don’t know!”
~VOW
Everything you have said is spot on, and many of the items have been answered. Sis will be buried, it’s what she wanted. He prefers cremation but will follow her wishes. We have an extra plot belonging to our family that will be signed over to him, as they had no plans for that. So Sis will be near her parents, maternal grandparents, and an infant aunt who died at birth. The marker can have both their names. He’s not a veteran. The conference with the funeral home that will handle arrangements is one our side of the family has used for decades. It is already arranged that when the donation surgery is over sometime tomorrow morning they will transport her. My other sister gently told him about picking out clothes for her.
This event settled where I will be buried, as it turns out. For many years I’d planned to be buried in a cemetery in a county to the west of town, where there are three generations and names of maternal family. We had a family plot I reserved, but lately I’d been leaning towards being buried in that extra town plot. Now that this will make it so much easier(and less expensive) for my BIL, it’s a no brainer. In years to come, when my nephews visit their mother, and father eventually, they will also see parents, grandparents, great grandparents, and other relations in one stop. As an aunt with no kids my location will not matter as much.
BIL is not a veteran, but I am. As I don’t plan on having a place in a national cemetery, or any military honors, that won’t be an issue when the time comes for me.That country cemetery has little US flags put on veteran’s graves on Memorial Day, I could get the little metal insignia veterans graves are marked with. It’s an old place, with burials starting in the 1870’s, they have a veteran out there from the War of 1812. There’s even a Confederate veteran. I was no relation of his, but his daughter married the brother of my grandmother.
Does anyone mind if I blather on about my family history? The oldest name, or family line we can trace back, is K*****. I was watiching a show on PBS last year, on Annie Oakley of all things. They showed clips of an interview with a professor from North Carolina, whose name was K*****. On a whim I looked up an email address for her from the school, and contacted her. As it turns out, the name is her married name, but she said her husband was into his family tree. Turns out we are DISTANTLY related. Our one mutual ancester came to the colonies in the 1720’s, something my branch did know. My kin are descended from one of his son’s, this other guy is descended from another son. We are seventh cousins, once removed. The K***** family apparently bred like rabbits in those first generations here, and there’s a history book one family member wrote about them in the 1880’s, or we might not know.
I’m getting a new picture of my BIL. I’d never known him to show a lot of emotions, but this is breaking him up. I’d never seen him cry either, but I guess his relationship with Sis was deeper than I ever thought it was. He wants to be strong, but he’s really hurting.My older nephew was usually quite introverted as well, but he’s taking this badly, can’t say that I blame him, this is his mom. The other nephew hurts to, but outwardly is doing better.
You’re not blathering, you’re coping. Keep going. I’m listening with a sympathetic ear, and a few sniffles of my own.
Blather all you want, about anything you want.
– actually, I found that family history interesting.
No. If “blathering” helps you, we’re here to listen. And it’s not blathering, so stop thinking it is.
Losing a spouse is one of the top losses a person can experience. In my case, I really did feel like I had lost half of myself for awhile. It hit me a lot harder than most of the other deaths-of-relatives I’ve experienced and it’s not like those didn’t hurt, too.
It’s a hell of a blow after years of build-up with a sickly person slowly fading. It’s a different sort of a hell of a blow when it’s bolt from the blue as this was. Neither is easier, but they are different.
Best of luck to you, BIL, and teh rest of the family. We’re all here for you 24/7.
I’m so sorry… 
The remains of my sister have been transferred to the funeral home. She gave her corneas, some ligaments, her liver, kidneys, and some heart valves. This afternoon family will meet with the funeral home representative to make plans for the interment, the funeral, and all the other parts of a passing. Her obituary is in process, my BIL did work on that, and it will be completed today. My other sister had some editing suggestions on it that I think were good.
This still doesn’t seem real, even after I saw Sis wheeled through those doors to go to surgery. I can hear her voice, see her laugh and smile. She had so much to live for, I wish I could have taken her place. I am older and have no kids or husband.
{{{hugs}}}
So very sorry for your loss. But how wonderful of your sister to be an organ donor - her good deed will live on.
The magnificent choice your sister made to be an organ donor, and the fact that your family honored her wishes will be a lasting tribute to her.
You have been blessed with the wonderful memories she gave you, her voice, her laugh, her smile. Through the years you will be reminded of her when you see someone exhibiting her generosity, or perhaps one of her children will have her smile.
Wrap those memories around you. Those are her gifts to you, to give you comfort.
~VOW
There is a good possiblity that the sense of “not real” will always be attached to this time, even as the solidity of the change settles in.
Hold this thought close. Hold the children closer, and BIL closer yet. I don’t know how to explain the stark fear I always had, when married, of losing my wife to death suddenly and early, the utter sorrow and anguish just the thought raises in me. I don’t know how to describe what it’s like to lose half of who you are. I do know that BIL will need your support as much as you will need to cry on his shoulder. Support each other, support the kids. Tell each other the funny stories and let the tears flow and the sobs come out. Expect anger, resentment, denial, lashing out. If you don’t know how grieving progresses, generally, please try to find out so you know what to expect. That’s going to be a big part of healing.
And finally, keep talking to us here as well. We’ll all do our best to help
I am so sorry to hear of your loss, my sympathies.
Words are inadequate. I’m so very sorry for your family’s loss. My mother was an organ donor also. It is a small comfort to know that her death will help others, but it may be awhile before you can really appreciate that. I wish you strength and peace.
My sister’s funeral was today, and the burial. It’s too bad when you see a lot of family for things like this. The visitation at the funeral home yesterday was very well attended, close to 200 people signing the gues book. Tomorrow I will go back to work. It’s like nothing ever happened.