Early this week my sister and brother-in-law left for a short vacation in Branson. Sis had headaches, then was extremely sick to her stomach. They came home early. This morning Sis could not be wakened, so BIL and my nephew hefted her into the car and got her to the ER. After scans it was deiscovered she has a large, fast growing brain tumor that is inoperable, and alread in both hemispheres of her brain. In all likelihood she has a very short time to live. Sis in only sixty years old, she’s the youngest of our siblings. Our mother is devestated. She once said her worst fear was to lose a child before she passed(Mom is eighty-eight.
This just came out of the blue. A week ago she seemed fine, now she is in the ICU. Something must be wrong with me too, because althnough I do of course feel terrible I am calm, not outwardly seeming upset. I haven’t cried. For goodness sake, Sis was my maid of honor when I married. I try to tell myself I’m just holding on for my mom, who is really down, but why haven’t I cried? My BIL is beyond worried. I’d never seen HIM cry but I did today. Why don’t I? I love Sis, she is a wonderful person and a great mother… One thing I am thankful for is that my nephews are adults, and not young kids.
Do what you need to do, there’s nothing wrong with your reaction to the situation. I was the same way when my brother died. Didn’t cry for over his loss for twenty years in fact. When it’s so sudden, sometimes that’s the reaction. You body, your mind maybe isn’t sure how to react. It’s sudden, unexpected, and maybe there’s a tiny bit of a feeling of unreality to it all and your brain just can’t seem to let it sink in down to the roots where the crying happens. There’s nothing wrong with you just because you’re not crying.
In my experience, our minds go into survival mode at news like this. Were the full realization to hit you now, you wouldn’t be able to function, and you need to function. The emotions will catch up with you later.
I have just returned from a second visit to the hospital. I want to thank you all for your advice and sympathy.
My sister was pronounced dead about an hour ago. Her body will be kept on life support while her express wish for organ donations is arranged
Five days ago she was, as far as we knew, fine. Now it’s just her body here, her soul is with God. I’m so used to thinking of the three of us sisters, now it’s just two.My BIL has lost his wife of thirty two years, my nephews have lost their mother, and with this news I fear for my mother.
I am very sorry to hear this. It will take a while for your family members to come to grips with this sudden loss. Give yourself time. Give each other love.
As others have said, it’s a sort of shock reaction. There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s not the most common reaction but you’re far from the only person to react to this sort of news in that manner.
^This.
^ And this.
I am sorry for your loss, and your family’s loss. Yes, cancer sucks.
How you feel is how you feel. Crying or not crying are both OK.
Not crying right away is very normal. When I lost my mother thirteen years ago, I was numb with disbelief. I didn’t cry at all. But about a year after the funeral, apropos of nothing at all, I suddenly lost it in a public place and cried hysterically. I had to leave and drive home, crying all the way.
Baker, I sympathize deeply with you.
Just know that there are days yet to come. Draw near to your mom and sis. Time never erases the hurt and sorrow and loss, but it does get easier. One day you will all find yourself together laughing about the good times without so much sadness. I’ve been there, I know.