I’ve been intrigued by most of the responses – excluding those by people incapable or unwilling to invest the empathy necessary to put themselves in the place of another.
And yeah, Skammer, you were one of a fair number of people that have, many of them, come out of the woodwork when the proverbial excrement hit the rotary air-propulsion device this summer, whose views I’ve been trying to take into account.
My own POV on the whole issue is that the Bible condemns selfishness, including sexual selfishness. If, therefore I, listening to what wisdom is in it, act to gratify myself at someone else’s expense, that act is sinful, whether it be to cheat someone in a transaction or to get a blowjob. On the other hand, sex as part of a loving relationship is what God intended it for. (This is Paragraph A, for reference below.)
But the other piece of relevant data is that this view, the same book tells me, applies to my behavior – that the only occasion to press my views on what is and is not sinful on another is if he or she asks me for my advice – or if he or she, claiming to be Christian, is (ab)using the Bible to condemn someone else’s choices in life, because a part of my Christian duty is to help my fellow Christian when he or she is falling into sin, and that judgmentalism is definitely condemned as sin. (This is Paragraph B.)
Now, with that perspective, it’s not hard to grasp the morality of someone like Priam or andygirl, who is gay and Christian. And it’s blatantly obvious what the homophobic hypocrites and non-hypocritical but judgmental neo-Pharisees take as their stance.
But what provoked the OP was my recognition that there are a lot of Christians out thre who hold to Paragraph B but take a bit more nearly literal take on the Bible, and therefore see any gay sexual act as sinful – but decline to judge others on that basis because of the Scriptural teaching underlying Paragraph B.
My take on the idea of homophobia has always been that it’s a particular case of a common failing of humanity – to feel that “the way I do things, feel, and think, is the only right way to do things, feel, and think, and that because you don’t follow my way of doing, thinking, and feeling, you are therefore lacking, and in my wisdom , I am honorbound to educate you as to the right way to do/think/feel.” It happens I detest 99.44% of rap/hiphop, but I don’t feel any call from God to insist that you share my attitude. Likewise, I don’t expect you to share my views as to the high quality of Robert A. Heinlein’s published works. And I don’t think you’re under any obligation to find sexually attractive all those and only those whom I find sexually attractive. Nor are you, without having converted to Christianity, under any obligation to live by the rules I believe myself called to live by – and probably not even then, because God sets each of us to tasks He equips us to carry out, and what He expects of you may be far different than what He expects of me.
A homophobe, IMHO, is someone whose ego is so hypertrophied, and his empathy atrophied, to the extent that he thinks everyone needs to live by his rules, which include lusting after the cheerleader and not the quarterback – and never mind that the same book that fobids the latter forbids the former too, unless you happen to be the one guy who’s married to her.
But there do seem to exist a fair set of people who believe that something has been declared wrong, and they should not indulge in it, but among those somethings is the condemnation of others for not sharing one’s belief about what’s been declared wrong.
I’ve learned a lot about people’s perspectives, which was my main reason for opening this thread. I don’t think I’ve gotten an answer that works, but I suspect Skammer may have. And IMHO it’s not that he’s homophobic or hypocritical.
lissener, that was quite insighful, and I appreciate it. mojave and Esprix, that puts a whole new perspective on “tea rooms.” 
