And Knorf’s adventures with his computer continue…
BIOS Flashing and Why Not To Do It.
So, I notice that ASUS, the reputable maker of my new K8V SE Deluxe motherboard, has a BIOS update. I think to myself, good idea. Go update the BIOS. They wouldn’t put it up if the update weren’t useful, now would they?
Such naivete.
Dutifully following instructions, I use the lauded and much-advertised EZ flash feature. The computer responds: “erasing BIOS…Flash failed.” And there it remains, silent but for the quiet whirring of fans, with those ominous words lingering on the screen.
Uh-oh.
I try the reboot.
Quoth the computer, in a sinister woman’s voice over the speaker which sounds something like your childhood friend’s grandmother who smelled funny, tried to feed you weird food, and generally creeped you out: “System Failed CPU Test! System Failed CPU Test! System Failed CPU Test! System Failed CPU Test! System Failed CPU Test! System Failed CPU Test! System Failed CPU Test!” etc.
There is a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I unplug my computer. I plug back it in. I attempt a reboot.
Quoth the computer: “System Failed CPU Test!”
I supress the urge to panic, and ignore the feelings of impending doom. Booting up my trusty old computer, I seek the advice of friends, and I scour the internet for solace and wisdom.
Rumors. Heresay. I find a ray of gleaming hope in the cheery and much-heralded ASUS motherboard feature, “CrashFree BIOS 2.” According to their propaganda: “This feature allows you to restore the original BIOS data from the ASUS support CD in case when the BIOS codes and data are corrupted. This protection eliminates the need to buy a replacement ROM chip.”
They wouldn’t brag about such a feature so much if it didn’t mean something, would they?
Such naivete.
I try various key combinations in multiple reboots. The computer declines to access the drives.
Quoth the computer: “System Failed CPU Test!”
I try resetting the CMOS.
Quoth the computer: “System Failed CPU Test!”
Grimly, I hold vigil next to the insensate body of my new computer, seeking the early morning hours when a call to ASUS support will be answered.
Success! Albeit in the limited but significant fact that in short order I actually find a human being on the other line.
He is amicable. He asks questions. I respond to the questions: “Quoth the computer: ‘System Failed CPU Test!’” It is early, and I am weary.
Ah, there is only one solution, he reports. BIOS flashes are inherently unstable and unpredictable, he tells me.
Diagnosis: the BIOS chip, she is blank. Her mind is no more. A blank slate. Tabula rasa. Gone.
The solution: BIOS ROM chip replacement.
Ans thus continues the saga.
Quoth the computer: “System Failed CPU Test!”