You and your siblings as kids: how much bickering and fighting, how much caring and comraderie?

In My Humble Opinion
41

I’m eleven years older than my brother, so no fighting there (as well as the age gap, I basically don’t fight with people. Ever. This is in some ways a character flaw). We always had more of an aunty/nephew type relationship than a sibling one, but I always found him kind of cool, and he’s even cooler now he’s grown up (he’s tall dark and handsome, in a band and writes songs. What can I say ;))

We’ve barely ever lived in the same house though, and mostly not even on the same continent, so there’s a limit to how close we can be. We do get on really well when we meet though.

My husband is in the “sibs as best friends” category. He’s kind of amazed at the relative negativity of the poll results. But then, like does call to like, we tend to know more people who like their families than the reverse.

42

My sister is only 14 months younger than me, and we fought fairly regularly, always over stupid things like she went over to “my side” in the back seat of the car or took something of mine and wouldn’t give it back. Today, we get along fairly well, and if we don’t agree on something we basically agree to disagree.

My brother is 11 years younger than me, and we never fought, most likely because of the big age difference. In fact, we were pretty crazy about each other. Today, we don’t always agree, but we treat each other with affection and respect for the most part.

43

My brother is five years older than me. Not much of an age difference now but when we were kids it meant everything. We rarely fought. He just ignored me while I thought he was the coolest guy in the world.

I thought he was perfect and that I could never compete. He was smart, good looking and popular. I was not, not and not.

My way of reacting to this was to talk ugly to him and try my best to pretend I didn’t care.

This is one of the good things about growing up…realizing I’m just as cool as him…which isn’t very cool at all. But it’s okay because we got each other’s back and I’m someone he calls when he needs a friend.

44

My sister is two years younger then me. We didn’t fight much as kids mainly because every time we did her first action would be running to our parents to rat me out. I would get in trouble every time I so much as looked at her sideway so I just ignored her. I have very few memories of my sister and most of them are just of her annoying me.

I was never protective of her. When she broke her wrist I just told her to quit complaining and ignored her until the ambulance came and I realized it was real. After that I did got along with her but didn’t do anything to comfort her I was just trying to get my parents to her. Once we got older she couldn’t make friends so she hung out with mine when I let her which basically meant she couldn’t rat me out but I didn’t like her arround since we had nothing in common.

As adults I’ve talked to my sister twice in the last five months. Once when she called me for my birthday and once when she came by my house to pickup things that had been left during her wedding.

I don’t hate my sister I just don’t like being around her. I picked fought more then liked because we never liked eachother even though we rarely fought.

45

My brother is five years younger than me, and we had our fair share of fights as kids–there was more toy overlap than you might guess. I still say he stole all my legos and hotwheels, leaving only the dolls. But really, it’s been a few years of bickering framed by years of getting along. When he was born, I thought he was just the cutest thing ever, and basically since he started 6th grade (he’s a sophomore in high school now) his coolness to annoying-ness ratio has been steadily increasing.

It’s been fun, really, to see him growing up. The little kid who was constantly trying to hang out with me and my friends (when we would be trying to do Important Big Girl Things–which was usually talking about Sailor Moon? Oy.) has actually become a person that I can have a conversation with, trade movie, book and music recommendations with, actually cares about good cooking (like I do and our parents don’t), and will sympathize with me when our parents are being a bit too crazy.

Now that I think about it, our relationship really improved once he started going to the same school that I had attended at that age. Common experiences FTW, I suppose.

All in all, I’m glad I never seriously wished him away to the goblins.

Oh, and my parents both have good relationships with all of their siblings (mom and dad have seven siblings each. Yes, our family parties are enormous.), even though there are various bits of family lore, like the time my dad kicked a hole in a door chasing after two of his younger sisters and when one of my pregnant and already-married aunts pretended to be my single and not-pregnant aunt to the blind date of single aunt. It all worked out in the end, as single aunt and blind date are now married.

46

I chose “other” because there was no option for “some fights, lots of camraderie.”

(my brother is Billdo, for those of you who don’t know.)

My brother is 4 years older than me. He’s pretty laid back, so he rarely started anything with me. And I very quickly learned that started anything with him wasn’t such a good idea, but not because of anything he did. It was because in any “he started it/she started it” thing that went to our parents, I’d invariably lose.

See, my dad also had a 4-years-younger bratty little sister, and she regularly started things up with him and then framed him. So he totally always believed my brother about that stuff. Which is fair because I almost always WAS the one who started it.

(My dad did his comeuppance, however. One day, his mom saw the whoooole thing. I do believe my auntie’s backside was a little sore that day. And they never gave her the benefit of the doubt on that matter again.)

My brother was always really good to me, and included me in way more stuff than he had to. Still does. I have the bestest big brother in the world!

47

I have the opposite situation of most responders in this thread. My sister and I got along pretty well as young children, but became mortal enemies as we entered the teenage years. She is three years younger than me, and we were amiable playmates with the occasional fight throughout our early years.

As my sister started entering adolescence, it became clear that she was developing mental problems beyond the typical teenager. Her selfishness (typical fight: she blasted her stereo in the same room I was trying to do homework in) caused me to become cruel in turn. I, being smarter and in better control of my emotions, would say terrible things to get her worked up. She would then call my mother screaming in rage, and I would act like I didn’t know what she was talking about. These fights typically culminated in her running away for a few hours.

Now we are both adults, but she still has the emotional maturity of a 3-year-old. My parents constantly complain about her, but though I have told them that they are enabling her and how to stop, they can’t seem to treat her like an adult. My relationship with her has improved only because I limit contact with her to holidays and the occasional dinner out. I find myself thinking, “Oh, she isn’t really so bad,” but then upon being in her presence again I realize that, yeah, she is.

48

When we were growing up my sister and me had lots nasty/hateful/spiteful fights, or we would ignore the other, but the moment I move out to go to college we both magically transformed to soul mates, who would understand what the other was thinking or going thru without having to exchange words, It’s stupid how we have the same exact taste in books, movies and food.

She is my best friend, and I might even be hers

49

My two kids seldom fight, and when they do it’s not very serious and doesn’t last very long. Sometimes they sort of ignore each other. And sometimes they are the best of pals, although this is evolving a bit now as my daughter finds her teen self. They get along a lot better than I did with my brothers and sisters, although we had our moments.

I polled them. My son, the younger of the two, said that “they fight all of the time”. My daughter said “we get along and we fight but we get along better than most other siblings”. I think we tend to filter our experience as kids and only remember the more traumatic stuff - the hurt feelings, the grievances, etc.

Also, since they were small, we’ve trained them to get along and not torture each other. They both look after each other to some extent, even when they find the other annoying. And they’re both proud of each other’s accomplishments. I don’t think that this is what sticks in their heads when you first ask them, but it’s obvious from observation.

50

My younger sister and I are like that, too; a typical conversation for us is, “It was that guy, from that show…” “MacGiver?” “Yeah, that guy.” Sibling shorthand for the win! :slight_smile:

I think so, too. When you’re kids, the first person you usually look for to play with is a sibling (and they’re also the ones that are always there) - I’m sure my sisters and I played happily together about 99% of the time.

51

My sister is three years younger than I am. While we fought, of course, we were always close. Most of any tension between us was caused by different experinces due to age. We’re not as close as we were, but that’s mostly due to living on opposite sides of the country. Oddly, it’s cheaper and easier to visit each other than it is to visit our parents.

52

My brother and I (2-1/2 years apart, I’m older) were friends growing up until I hit my senior year of high school. He was a freshman and annoying as hell. Of course, being a senior, I was too cool for everyone in the room, which made him even more annoying.

But we’re both in our 30’s now and best friends.

53

Having read through this thread, I must say that I’m downright horrified by most of the responses. I could never imagine living with this level of hatred and vitrol, much less theft/destruction of property, much less the violence (good lord, that much violence?). Good lord, the violence. Even my very darkest days of middle school never got that horrific.

I have one sister, about a year and a half younger. She’s one of the finest people I’ve known in my life. Smart, witty, worldly, a quick learner, all kinds of interests and hobbies, and levelheaded to a fault (Seriously, I can’t remember a single time she screamed. I don’t think she screamed as a baby.).

We were inseparable as kids. We were the best of friends and did just about everything together. I was never happier as a kid when we were putting a silly skit together, reading, baking something, exploring, or just making up weird activities with the stuffed animals. We also looked after each other when no one else would (I remember one time I got hopelessly lost in an arcade and she…no one else, just her…took the time to find me).

We never fought. There were a few childish ego battles, but nothing you wouldn’t expect from a couple of kids. There were two, maybe three instances where emotions boiled over for some reason and either I furiously restrained her, or she restrained me, limbs flying, angry demands, stomping the foor, whatever, but never to the point of blows. (Good thing, too, because we were pretty energetic and could’ve done some not-insignificant damage.)

Our parents did a pretty good job keeping us in line. Dad didn’t play favorites (he was equally condescending and hardheaded to both of us), and Mom made it very clear that if we didn’t make her happy, she didn’t return the favor. We have a lot of relatives and saw them a lot growing up, and they recongized our quirks and differences pretty quickly, but they didn’t see enough differnce to show favoritism either.

When college came around, we quickly worked out the divison: She would be the bright, shining MIT graduate who’d see the world, get a six-figure income (she did, for one year before her dotcom went bust; she’s making something like 60K now), and eventually have a headline-making breakthrough (still working on that); I would be the humble community college student-slash-failed newspaper deliverer for nine years (but at least spare my parents thousands of dollars in tuition), stumble through a series of no-hope jobs and crushing months of unemployment, then finally end up in a respectable position in a State housing office, all the while helping my parents out with countless physical tasks and emergency airport trips. And every so often she’d visit and remind us all why we love her so much. It’s worked out just fine.

Was I unbelievably fortunate? I’d like to think that I was a little fortunate, and all of you just caught a horrible break. I’m too terrified to think otherwise.

54

Were you fortunate,** DKW**? I don’t know. I think parents can make a world of difference in how siblings get along. I’m one of the " nothing but fights" group. Our parents didn’t interfere, and were not interested. Not even the times when our neighbour came to check in on us because I was sceaming so hard. Not the time when my brother and I burst through a window together. A wired glass window. Not all the time I had bruises. Not all the times when my brother smothered me with a pillow on my face till I was on the verge of a panic attack. My brother used to see, whenever he felt like giving an explanation or excuse, that he tried to beat my weirdness out of me so I would become more normal, and stop damaging his street cred on the school we both visited, just by existing and being his sister.

Both my parents fought with their siblings. My dad was bullied by his older sister and I guess he didn’t know boys could bully girls. ( I know that aunt, and I have not trouble at all believing she made life hell for him as kid).
And my mom and her sisters fought all the time. About everything. And they do to this day, that is, the ones that still speak to each other. So to her, fighting is normal.

I’m glad that this poll shows that the majority of kids have a good relationship, even though they fight. So to me, the poll is hopefull.

55

My 2-years-younger sister for most of her childhood life felt like having to endure having me for a brother was beyond cruel and unusual punishment, it was a complete abomination in the eye of God.

She, by making an effort and investing time and energy into it, could be borderline popular and have friends and be part of social groupings that formed in school.

Me, I was the person that kids several years behind me who were not in any of my classes talked about and made up jokes about and pointed at and snickered to their friends about in the hallway. I was definitely an impediment.

I, of course, felt like I had entirely enough on my plate having to cope with fucking school and Other Kids every day without also getting it from my sister. As a kid I did not like kids my own age very much. I wanted to be One of the Grownups back when I was 8 years old. The other kids saw me as an asslicking sycophant, of course, although I was also a militant children’s libber and fought with adults who had an attitude problem (and of course thought I was the one with the attitude prob).

My sister gave the family an ultimatum once when she was about 13 that SOMETHING had to be DONE ABOUT me. She had freaking had enough.

Oddly, we finally called and truce and bonded in my last couple years in high school. But the first 16 years in the same house with her were not peaceful.

56

I have a sister. She is 3 years younger than me. We almost never fought as kids and spent a lot of time playing together. Part of this is because we moved frequently (every 2 years or so), so she and I would each be the only other kid we knew until we made new friends in our new city.

It also helps that she isn’t stupid, or a complete git. We’re still very close today, even though lifestyle differences and distance mean that we don’t have much in common anymore.

Still, I love (and like) my sister, and am very happy that I know her and can count her as a friend.

57

My sisters were 8 and 9 years older than me, so there was never much friction – they were either my baby sitters, or ignored me completely.

However, they fought with each other constantly, to the point where my mother put them in separate schools. Eventually, they grew up, moved away from each other and became close again. Not completely, though. My brother-in-law’s famous observation is, “I never saw two people who loved each other more – until they get in the same room.”

58

Nothing but fighting and bickering. My sister is almost nine years older. Unlike kunilou though, we didn’t get along at all when we were kids. We were constantly able to find new ways to get on each other’s nerves. Even to this day, although we no longer hate each other’s gut, we are two completely different persons. The only time we talk to each other now is during our annual get-together with our parents.

59

My brother is 18 months older. We had the occasional smackdown, but generally got along pretty well. The teen years were marked by friction from one of us insisting on dating from the other’s circle of friends. (How many embarrasing, inconvenient and mortifying moments did this habit cause for both of us? I cringe just THINKING about it.) Generally we let one another fight our own battles. We’re still good friends, in our 30s.

My kids are still pretty young, but all very close together in age. Oldest Son is 16 months older than Daughter, who’s 22 months older than Younger son, who will be approximately 18 months older than our fourth and final child, due this summer. A 4.5 year spread between them all.

The oldest two get along VERY well at this point, I can’t complain at all. They entertain one another, play together, and are generally, very sweet and loving to each other. Oldest son isn’t quite as sweet and loving to the 1 year old Younger Son that occasionally commits the mortal sin of chewing on Oldest’s toys. (Oh, the horror!)

Unfortunately and unbeknownst to Oldest son, he’ll soon be sharing a bedroom with Younger Son.

60

Lots of bickering and fighting, but lots of friendship, too. I think the age gap was a major factor in this (she’s 5 1/2 years older than me). However, once she moved out and got married we became a lot closer and we are still close today. She also gets under my skin like no one else can, but hey, that’s family, right?

Personally, I see myself having 2 kids, but probably closer together. Although honestly, that’s far enough into my future that I’m not too worried about it.