If you hear a song that includes a variation on the phrase “you’re mine” or “you belong to me” do you think it just sounds like a romantic thing to say, or does it feel squickily possessive and grabby?
For example, I like the song “You Belong to Me,” but every time I hear it I feel a bit uncomfortable. Am I alone in this?
See the market place in old Algiers
Send me photographs and souvenirs
Just remember when a dream appears
You belong to me
I’ll be so lonesome without you
Maybe you’ll be lonesome too
And blue…
“Button up your overcoat
when the wind blows free
Take good care of yourself
You belong to me…”
Given that I recently sent that lyric to me SO (who is now in Canada and has a reason to button up his overcoat) I guess I come down firmly on the romantic side. And I can’t imagine a more warm and tingly feeling than when he says I’m his.
But of course it’s entirely dependent on it being mutual.
Definitely icky, but then I also read the Mary Higgins Clark book You Belong to Me when I was a kid, wherein a serial killer uses the song in his murders.
I also have had enough experience in abusive/possesive/controlling relationships to lace up my running shoes if a guy says anything like that to me, so I may be biased. shudder
Which goes to my point about it having to ne mutual. Which I guess goes not just to obviously non-mutual stalking but also relationships where one person claims ownership but wouldn’t respond with “And I belong to you.” But I still say “We belong to each other” is romantic.
(And anyway, if the guy was really an overly possessive creep he wouldn’t let her go to Algiers by herself in the first place )
I don’t know what “squicky” means but from context it seems to mean “creepy”, “icky”, “opposite of romantic”.
So I’ll cast my vote for “squicky”.
I think the most romantic thing about true (read: heathy and mature) love is that either person could just walk away at anytime but they choose to be together. No “we belong to each other” bullcrap.
But of course, ultimately, a good song is a good song and cliched sentimental crap is cliched sentimental crap.
See, now I didn’t know that. :smack: I’ve always hated that song so much that I never bothered to learn the context. When it came out, I was in high school, and throngs of high school girls just thought it was soooo romantic and that Sting was sooooo sexy . I was not one of those girls.
Anyhow, I agree with betenoir . Belonging to each other is romantic. Anything else slides towards yuck.
What’s even more squicky is how many people still don’t get that and think it’s a romantic song.
On “You Belong to Me” I read that the lyrics quoted above as not being particularly possessive or controlling, but more the same kind of response that people who have some kind of affection for others would say. To me, that’s that’s not too much different than telling friends/family that they need to stay in bed, drink lots of fluid when they’re sick or make sure they have a cell phone with them if they are driving on the highway. I also think the fact that the “singer” is not trying to stop the recipient from travelling to the marketplace in Old Algiers, would suggest a lack of over-possessiveness.
Still there’s lots of songs about “belonging” that cover the spectrum between “Every Breath You Take” and “You Belong to Me” and in my opinion it doesn’t take too much to slide over into the “Every Breath You Take” end of the spectrum. And yep, that’s squicky.
On preview, lorene, you’re by no means the only who doesn’t get that it’s a stalker song. But you did get that it’s creepy unlike many.
Ok, I do agree that all realtionships should be at the choice of the people involved. And certainly not any cohersion.
But that said…I don’t think a heathy mature realtionship is marked by either partner thinking they can walk away at any second. Quite the contrary…I think a healthy mature realtionship is about making a choice for the other person and then sticking to it. No, not if it’s abusive or distructive…but yes, even if it’s difficult. Hey…people are difficult. But who else are you going to fall in love with?
How about Falco’s “Jeanny” as perhaps the ultimate example?
Sie kommen. Sie kommen, dich zu holen. Aber sie werden dich nicht finden! NIEMAND wird dich finden! DU BIST BEI MIR!
For those of you not familiar with this song, it’s about Falco’s character kidnapping a 19-year-old girl named Jeanny and then being sent to the insane asylum after getting caught. The above line is sung to Jeanny about the cops looking for her.
“They’re coming. They’re coming to get you. But they won’t find you! NO ONE will find you! YOU ARE WITH ME!”
I’m of the “sometimes it’s sweet” (as in the lines “Just remember when a dream appears…You belong to me”) but SUPER creepy when it’s used in that stalker crazed sense as in the cited Chet Baker song. I guess in the lighter sense, it’s the “you’re my girl/my guy” idea that’s sweet and romantic. In the darker songs, you get that “you’re MINE. MINE, you hear me??? MINE!” feeling, and I don’t care for those at all.
Of course, IMHO, the worst squickiest song themes are the “anything for you” songs, like that God awful Gloria Estefan one. It makes me want to claw my ears out. The I can’t live without you theme bugs me more then the crazy stalker theme, I think.
“Come on now, try and understand…
The way I feel under your command…”
I’ve always found this to be both romantic, and disturbing. Not to mention something sort of worth seeking in the right context.
Patty Smythe, I believe. But I really got addicted to the 10,000 maniacs version of
it which is a bit more melodic (yeah, I suppose I’m a little on the mundane side).
Trying to express to someone that you feel completely controlled by their behavior is so…devastating. And so romantic in some way.
You know, now that I think of it, I might just SEE this thing in places where it’s pretty subtle. But you know what I really love that is totally out of character for me? “Sweet Child of mine.” It’s the whole thing about being the “child” taken care of by someone else. Completely disfunctional, but somehow still hot.
)