I’m a family woman. Got a husband and kids. When one of us gets a cold, it usually gets picked up by at least one other person in my house, if not all of us.
Unless, of course, that person happens to be my husband.
He NEVER gets a regular cold. Oh no.
We’ve recently been dealing with a particularly bad cold. All of us had it. No wait–I and the children had colds. My husband is, as usual, shaking hands with his God.
IT’S A FUCKING COLD! TAKE SOME DRUGS AND MOVE ON, DAMMIT!
Man! He doesn’t seem to understand that I know PRECISELY how he feels. I had the exact same thing, for fuck’s sake! There is no need for me to make sure you have life insurance! I know you feel like seven shades of dog fuck! But you are not going to meet your maker because of this damn cold! Unless, of course, you don’t STOP this incessant pissing and moaning. Then maybe I’ll be able to convince the cops that it was the cold that did you in, and not the pillow over your face.
Fuck! The KIDS didn’t even whine like this! And me? I didn’t even miss work! I suppose that’s the reason that he didn’t even notice that I was sick until after I’d already been sick for a fucking WEEK. Yeah. A week.
Yes, I’m a bit snappish. Dealing with HIS whiny ass is MAKING ME CRAZY!
You are NOT sicker than me, dammit! You are AS SICK as I was, and you are progressing NORMALLY. Your symptoms are occuring in the SAME order that they occurred in me, your son, and your daughter. They are GOING AWAY in the same order. So SHUT UP! It will be GONE soon! Just take another hit off the Robitussin bottle and SHUT UP! Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
[sub]Don’t misunderstand–I am sympathetic to people with colds. Colds suck. It’s the whining so hard that the kids are looking at you and saying “geez Dad, it’s not that bad!” that drives me up the freaking wall.[/sub]