You are now dictator of your Favorite Sport: Your first actions

Cafe Society
1

By hook or crook, you are now the absolute ruler of your favorite sports league. All decisions regarding rules, policies, eligibility, everything, are yours to make. What would be your action items on your first day?

If I was the Grand Exalted Dictator-for-Life of the NBA, my first action would be to issue lifetime suspensions to Isiah Thomas and James L. Dolan of the New York Knicks before they can do any more damage than they’ve already done. I would dictate the suspension letters via cellphone on my way to headquarters that morning and sign the paperwork as I ride the elevator to my comfortable yet modest office suite in the Chrysler Building.

My other first-day actions would include:

[ul]
[li]Change the nickname of the Washington franchise back to the Bullets[/li][li]Reinstitute the jump ball to open each quarter[/li][li]Establish a season-opening single elimination tournament, featuring all 30 NBA teams and two teams from elsewhere in the world[/li][li]Declare that the next franchise which wants to relocate will move to Brooklyn[/li][li]Belay any further league expansion until the Amazing Year 400 Billion[/li][li]Mandate use of the old ABA red, white & blue basketball in selected games[/li][li]Enshrine Jamaal Wilkes in the Basketball Hall of Fame[/li][li]Send Bill Walton on an extremely long world tour as the Association’s “Goodwill Ambassador”[/li][li]Tell Phil Jackson and Pat Riley to get over themselves[/li][/ul]

What would you do if you ran your favorite sport?

2

Much as I would love to see the Knicks re-engineered from the top down, it is simply not the Commissioner’s job to interfere with the management of individual franchises unless they’ve done something damaging to the league as a whole.

Me, I’d try to do something about weakening, if not eliminating the DH position in Major League Baseball. It’s not so much the “pitchers never come to the plate” aspect that bothers me (though that does bother me) as that there can be all-star players who, if not for interleague or post-season play, might never take the field.

Anyway, what I would do (assuming the player’s union would not agree to the actual elimination of the DH) is to institute in a rule that no player appearing in 81 games (half the season) could bat as a DH more than 50% of their at-bats, under penalty of an escalating fine/penalty assessed for his team. To the extent that it ever made sense, the DH was initially envisioned to be a sort of “multi-at-bat pinch hitter”, not the cleanup batter with 600 plate appearances; this would restore some part of that.

My main objection to the DH is that, to me, a sport is purest when there is not built-in specialization by phase of the game. Basketball is 5 men vs. 5 men on a court, with substitutions sure, but while you’re on the floor, you’re playing both offense and defense as the ball changes possession. Same thing with baseball: while you’re in the game, you should be both playing the field as well as swinging the bat.

The whole “sixth inning lefty specialist reliever” kind of grinds my gears too, but there the strategic penalty is already clear: a spot on the 25-man roster is used to carry a pitcher the manager will use for just one at-bat a game, versus what could have been a more versatile bench player.

NFL football is too specialized to really catch my interest, though I understand the reasons why at least. I’ve heard there’s some variant (indoor/arena football maybe?) where the same team is on the field the whole time, barring substitutions, that sounds like it might be more interesting to me.

I would love to see a variant of golf, “caveman golf” if you will, where instead of a whole array of clubs, there is just ONE that you use for the entire course. I wonder what kind of head design would be optimal for that? (And I assume there would be course adjustments too, or at the very least, par score adjustments.)

3

If I ran the NFL:

[ul]
[li]Celebrations after routine (non-scoring) plays will result in a delay of game penalty[/li][li]No timeouts by defense on field goal attempts[/li][li]No extra points[/li][li]Spiking the ball is intentional grounding, and will be called as such[/li][li]Any play or penalty is reviewable.[/li][li]Laser thingies to determine if the ball crossed the plane or someone is out of bounds, etc.[/li][li]You have to be 21 years old to enter the draft[/li][li]No “dead cap” money. If a player isn’t on the active roster, the money doesn’t count against the cap.[/li][li]Rookie salary cap. No rookie should make more money than existing all pros, etc.[/li][li]Announcer-less broadcasts.[/li][li]The ability for local fans to elect to “fire” an owner.[/li][/ul]

4

Standardize the DH - either abolish it in AL or mandate it in the NL.

Salary Cap. Let’s see the Yanks and the Sawx compete when they can’t spend any more than the Royals or Pirates.

Revenue sharing. Each team will pay 33% of local marketing revenues into a pool, which shall then be split amongst all teams.

Salary Floor. Let’s make sure the fans of the small market teams aren’t shafted by owners who want to pocket the cash. Give the fans a chance to see some stars play for their team.

The next sports journalist who mentions steroids gets a lifetime ban from all league games.

Truly random testing. You show up for your workout one day in mid December, and the testers are there with a cup for you to pee in.

Clean out the Hall of Fame. There shall be 100 spots in the HoF, no more, no less. I will appoint a panel to determine who gets into the Honorable Mention wing, and to determine the other 95 players who join Ruth, Cobb, Johnson, Mathewson, and Wagner in the Hall. Then, after 10 years have passed, the select committee votes on whether the retired player is worthy of joining or not, and if he is, who goes out to the HM wing.

More retro parks. What’s not to love about a flagpole in centerfield?

Boog Powell’s BBQ and Dodger Dogs become sport-wide concessions.

Re-do Interleague play. Each division plays another division on a rotating basis. Each interleague ‘season’ is a 3 game home and home series for each team in the division.

Each team WILL have one home double-header per month from May through August.

Do away with arbitration. Lower Free Agency to 4 years service time.

I’m sure I could come up with a few more given time, but that’s what I’d start with.

5

There’s a lot of potential for “Fifth Columnists” wreaking havoc with this scenario. How would you define “local” in the modern era of relocation (how many people continue rooting for their original hometown team long after they’ve moved across the country)? Or “local” in geographic terms (is the “local” team from someone in Greenwich, CT the Patriots or the Giants/Jets)? Or locales with multiple teams (Giants/Jets, Raiders/49ers, etc.)?

6

If I ran MLB:

  1. The designated hitter is gone. Vanished. Poof! Everybody bats.

  2. The San Francisco Giants are shipped to Guam. Frisco is denied any team, in perpetuity.

  3. There is immediate league-wide steroid checking on a regular basis. The word will come down from on high: any attempt to cheat through drugs will result in the instant banning of the offenders. My call, my whim. Don’t cross me, or you’ll be back to selling freezers at Sears.

  4. Salary cap.

  5. Shoot Steinbrenner.

  6. Rip up all artificial turf, wherever it is and whatevet its purpose. If you can’t grow grass, you live somewhere too cold to have a baseball team in the first place.

  7. Shoot Steinbrenner again.

  8. Institute draconian “public relations” rules. Any player, coach or employee of any team who gets convicted of any crime, or arrested more than once for any offense is suspended from the league for at least a year, or banned if I think he’s being a jerk about it. If you can’t keep straight and be a role model, find another sport to play.

  9. Move the Devil Rays to Las Vegas.

  10. Shoot Steinbrenner again.

7

Robardin, no rule in this thread saying one’s ideas have to be 100% practical. Remember, you’re Dictator, not Commissioner! :slight_smile:

8

Wargamer has pretty well covered baseball, I’d take these from his list:

I would also include:

Abolish DH. It is an abomination and those who preach its use are first against the wall.

Move the first pitch of all playoff games and the All-Star game to 7:30. If the game starts a minute later the whole umpiring crew is fired and both teams (managers in the case of the All-Star game) and the network (per affiliate station) are fined $100,000.

I’m sure I’ve got more in the back of my head somewhere, but that’s good for now.

9

By “local” I mean ticketholders and people in the TV viewing area (If you are a ticketholder or if that’s the only team you get to watch on TV, then you ought to be able to have a say in how it’s run).

3 votes for season ticket holders, 2 votes for anyone who presents more than 1 ticket stub from the previous season, 1 vote for anyone in their TV viewing area. I’d be for players and coaches voting, but it could be dangerous for them.

Voting occurs at the same time as All Star voting.

10

  1. Immediate elimination of the DH and the infield fly rule.

  2. The following teams no longer exist: Marlins, Nationals, Devil Rays, Blue Jays, and we’ll see about the Diamondbacks.

  3. If the Angels ever modify their name again, they’re getting moved to Las Vegas.

  4. The maximum salary available is 1 million a year and will be determined by player statistics on a month to month basis with a special bonus for end of season awards. You want more money, you get endorsement deals which force you to act like a decent human being.

  5. Going forward players caught using steroids or HGH or whatever comes next will be banned from the sport for life. Anyone hiring said players as analyists or somehow involving them with the sport of baseball will no longer have the express written permission of Major League Baseball to either broadcast or disseminate information about our games. Cheating is the kiss of death.

  6. Pete Rose will be admitted into the Hall of Fame.

  7. The Hall of Fame will become a mobile display that his housed in a different stadium every year.

  8. Because player salaries have been dropped, every stadium will have a seating section where the tickets will cost no more than $6. This section will consist of at least 1000 seats and the tickets will only be available at the box office on the day of the game.

  9. In the event of inclement weather causing a game to be cancelled the tickets held for that game automatically become valid for the rescheduled game without the holder needing to do anything more than come back another day.

  10. The players on the winning team in the All Star Game will be awarded $50,000.00 in salary bonuses. That’s it.

11

Cricket:

In Tests - devise strategies to substantially lower frequency of draws e.g. allow upto 2 more days for result

In ODIs - scrap the 50-over version as it is currently played. Replace with a two innings per side format, with innings of 30 overs and 20 overs.

In terms of tour schedules, ramp up the number of T20s and reduce ODIs.

Schedule a global tournament every 2 years, and a regional tournament every 8 months. Encourage associate members of ICC to play in the regional tourneys.

12

For MLB

Obviously abolish the DH. If they are going to play, they should bat. If not, you might as well have a pitching machine.

Now the other thing is going to be totaly strange.
The worst team in the MLB will play the best AAA (triple A) team. If the ML team wins they remain in the majors, if not, the AAA team is now in the bigs and the other team is in AAA. This goes on in every level of baseball. In other words, the Toledo Mudhens could be playing in the bigs against the Pawtucket Paws, New York Yankees, Tampa Bay Devil Rays or Albuquerque Isotopes. This will encourage owners, managers and players to pull together to keep their level of play up and interesting. It will also spur interest in the local teams because there would be a chance that the team would be moving up if they are good. --of course it will ring the death knell of the farm team.

By the way, I loved the suggestion of mandatory real double header every month during the summer.

Both players and owners are always saying “our real heros are our teachers and…” so let them put their money where their mouths are…

The cheepest ticket for a seat cannot be more than 1/100 of a starting teacher’s salary at the lowest paying district in that market. There shall be at least 5,000 seats at this rate or lower.

The highest paid player player cannot make more (including perks) than 1,000 times what a starting teacher makes in the lowest paying market in that area.

(no, I am not a teacher)

13

If I were King of Baseball, and being absolutely serious and not talking about dumb crap like shooting people are contracting the Blue Jays or the Giants:

  1. I’d eliminate interleague play. I actually like many aspects of interleague play, but the drawbacks are pretty significant too, and all in all I think it’s a net loss.

  2. I’d take some steps to increase the pace of games a bit, including faster production of postseason games (cut commercial breaks - yes, you need to sell commercials, but you can sell them for more if there’s less supply) and quicker commencement of games, as well as midday World Series and LCS games on weekends. Weekday games can start a bit late because - hey guys, there’s these things called time zones, and if you start a Thursday game at 7, people in LA and Seattle will miss half the game before they get home from work.

  3. I’d let the teams decide on the DH issue. Personally, I don’t care. If the AL wants to keep it, fine. If they don’t, that’s fine too.

  4. I’d crack down on rules enforcement with regards to the strike zone and enforcement of the batter’s box. Umps are better about the strike zone than they used to be but improvement could still be made, and if that means using machines to audit their work, then I’m all for it. the game is not about the umpires and they have no place in deciding de facto rules.

  5. I would eliminate market interference restrictions; if a team wants to move to New York or New Jersey or greater LA, let them, providing the business plan is reasonably sound (e.g. a major league quality stadium is available and all that jazz.)

  6. More revenue sharing, although I have not worked out the details.

  7. Spending and salary rules:

a. A salary cap based on a percentage of league revenues over the previous 5 years, though not an absolutely hard cap, so that teams can transfer players in multi-way deals or add stars for a stretch run and pay penalties if need be.
b. A salary FLOOR, same thing.
c. No restrictions on selling players for cash. If the Twins can auction Johan Santana to some idiot for $40 million and pour the money into keeping Justin Morneau, so be it.

  1. Aggressive pursuit of expansion - you need to find the right owners and markets, of course, but I’d let it be known we’re open to business plans. I’d be especially interested in a Mexican franchise.

  2. Extremely aggressive rules and policing of PEDs, including blood testing. Testing of recreational drugs will be relaxed. Who gives a shit if Joe Slugger wants to smoke a joint?

  3. I’d take all individual voting awards away from the BBWAA and give it to a cross section of writers (which may include BBWAA members, of course), broadcasters, researchers, historians, players and managers, and so on.

14

Baseball seems to be covered: abolish the DH, equalize payrolls, add double-headers and consider not only eliminating several expansion teams but Soviet-Style erasing them from history.

Basketball: 1. Immediately and vigorously reform the officiating system to
a) ensure that calls are made equally regardless of a player’s endorsement/celebrity status or years of experience in the league; and
b) allow effective defense to be played.
2. Eliminating the ‘illegal defense’ rule will follow, as will other rule changes designed to make the decision of zone or man defense an interesting tactical and strategic choice.
3. Either ban outright, or create strict standards for any non-basketball activities at a game, including dancers/cheerleaders, music over the loudspeakers, laser or light effects, and announcers scoring too high on the obnoxiousness scale. Automatic exceptions for halftime ‘half-court shot’ events, mini-games between high school or lower level teams, and live organ music at a reasonable level.
4. Create an education program for owners considering hiring former player stars as GMs. If the owner looks hard at the post-playing careers of Kevin McHale and Isiah Thomas and still wants to go ahead with the plan, well, more power to him (hey, it’s not like Isiah’s reign hasn’t been entertaining in a car-wreck kind of way), though I might consider some kind of way for the league to provide compensation to the team’s fans.
5. Shameless steal shot clock’s idea for a season-opening or mid-season tournament including teams from other leagues.

NCAA Football: Completely re-vamp the division (I-A, AA, etc.) system, and institute a European promotion/relegation model. Teams in the top division can only play other teams in the top division. After each season, the worst teams in the top division would be relegated to the second division, while the best teams from the second division would be promoted to the top division (and so on for teams moving from 2 to 3, etc.).

NFL Football: Get real officials. I mean, we’re paying the players $10 million a year, and still have part-time referees?
Said officials will be re-instructed in pass interference calls, using the principle that once the ball is in the air, all players have equal rights, and any interference calls should be unchanged if all players involved switched jersey colors. Other rule changes and re-emphases to allow defenders to actually defend will be forthcoming.

Finally, and only after the power has truly gone to my head and I’ve entered the Caligula phase of my reign, I’d completely reshape football to once again have two-way players. One simple rule change: no team can substitute more than four players between any two plays. This way, you can still have specialized kickers and quarterbacks and long-snappers, but half of your offense will still be on the field for defense. Imaging if Moss and TO weren’t just trying to put up better numbers than each other, but were actively defending each other?

15

That has some great ones, particularly being able to fire the owner, which ought to be available in all American/Canadian pro sports. Fire Millen & Ford!

I’m not with you on the player age thing. I think if a kid can join the military he can join the NFL (and NBA too), if he’s good enough. I’m not with you on everything is reviewable either. If everyplay is reviewable then every call or noncall is too, and because there is holding on every play and pass interference on every pass, the game will become a nightmare.

16

How is one annual test, in a known timeframe (December), “random”? Pretty easy to prep for really.

The HOF is not something the Commissioner gets to dictate, as it is not run by the league(s). And anyway, making the Hall an “all time top 100” is pretty hard core, and would require nigh indefensible comparisons across eras.

What’s not to like about a flagpole in center field? Ask a center fielder!

I would just as soon see interleague play end. Not only are the majority of matchups completely uninteresting (Oh boy, the Mariners and Phillies, and the Royals and the Padres, finally get to settle their hash…), serving only to take away scheduled games against league and divisional rivals, but the few clearly stirring matchups (Yanks/Mets, White Sox/Cubs, etc.) are getting overlplayed already.

I mean, the 2007 Mets lost the division by one game; imagine instead of going 3-3 against the Yankees, they played those six games against the Philies, Nationals or Marlins? — Oh wait, never mind. (Not that I’m still bitter or anything.)

17

I find your ideas intriguing, and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
(Yes, I am a teacher.)

18

As Supreme Dictator of the NFL, I hereby decree the following changes are to take place immediately:

The Baltimore Ravens are to be renamed the Baltimore Colts, with all records, trophies and history from before the move being returned to the city of Baltimore. The records, trophies and history of the current Ravens team will be merged with the old Baltimore Colts. The Indianapolis Team will be able to choose a new mascot, colors etc, and will get to keep all records, trophies and history they earned after the move, retroactively changed to their new name. This is not a punishment, but a correction of the natural order.

The New England Patriots were penalized a first round draft pick by the previous commissioner. That means that franchise will not be allowed a pick before the 32nd pick of the draft. I do not give a damn about what trades they have made or can make. The first round of this years draft will therefore have 31 picks. This is absolutely a punishment.

The New York Giants and New York Jets franchises will flip a coin. The loser will be renamed the New Jersey [team name]. That team will be allowed to build a new stadium in the state of New Jersey or renovate the stadium in the Meadowlands. The other team will get a stadium located in the state of New York. It’s not fair to have used New Jersey in this way for years while giving all the credit to New York. This is not a punishment, but an acknowledgement of the fans and citizens of New Jersey who have paid for and supported these teams.

The next team that wants to leave its current city will be required to start over. Team names, records, history etc… remain in the city where they were earned, with the exception of the before mentioned move from New York to New Jersey for either the Jets or Giants. IF, however either of these teams decides to leave in the future this rule will still be in effect.

In addition to the salary cap, there is also a salary minimum. Owners will be required to spend at least 75% of the available salary cap. No more pocketing the revenue sharing while giving the fans nothing to cheer for in return. This will be known as the Bidwell Rule. We will allow a one-year exception to this rule every 7 years to allow for rebuilding a team.

The Dallas Cowboys will be henceforth known as the Cowgirls and their uniform colors will be changed to pink and white with purple trim. The star will be replaced with a used tampon. This change is retroactive to all previous seasons.

The Chargers are to adopt the powder blue uniform as their standard uniform.

Matt Millen is fired effective immediately.

Drew Brees is to have that thing on his face removed.

Troy Aikman is never allowed to announce a Dallas Cowgirls game.

19

In the NFL

A head coach (and only the head coach) may once a game run on to the field and attempt to block or tackle the player of his choice (either team).

I know it is a stupid rule, but I would love to see it.

20

As supreme dictator of the NHL, I would:

  • institute revenue sharing. Provisions would be made so that a team must try to be competitive in order to get money from revenue sharing.

  • force Jeremy Jacobs to sell his entire interest in the Boston Bruins. Actually, scratch “sell”, make that “give it away”. He doesn’t deserve to profit any longer from the team. Boston should be a major market for the NHL, but Jacobs has destroyed that.

  • force the Toronto Maple Leafs to be sold to Jim Balsille.

  • inform the Wirtzes that they are on double secret probation. If Chicago doesn’t continue to see improvement over the next couple of years the Wirtzes will be turfed from the NHL as well.

  • Change the draft lottery system. The team that finishes second to last will get the best chance at the #1 pick. Perceptions that teams are tanking for the #1 pick are damaging to the league.

  • Referees will be taught the difference between lifting an opposing player’s stick and hooking

  • Any plans for expansion or relocation into Europe will be scrapped. The market doesn’t exist; pretending otherwise is sheer folly and would be an expensive mistake.

  • if a team takes a penalty that negates a scoring chance, the shorthanded team will not be allowed to ice the puck. I never want to hear the phrase “that was a good penalty” again.

  • fix the points system. I don’t know what the answer is but the current version sucks