You CAN eat yourself to death. I've seen it.

I got real POed today trying to find a drill bit. Wife and kid have no respect for my toolbox, and when they use something, they just trow it back on the shelves without care for putting it away properly. So, out of frustration, I decided to clean the garage in hopes of finding the loose bits.

To backtrack a bit, I had an awful problem with mice over the winter, and I found out why when cleaning. The little bastards had shredded the bags of grass seed I had stored, and the tool shelf was covered in seed and mouse shit. Out came the shop vac and I started cleaning it up. When I got to the box of Scott’s Play Grass, there was a rude surprise inside: a mummified gray tail sticking straight up. A fast shake of the box revealed the owner, who was buried head down in the grass seed…

The little f*cker died in his meal:smack:

You see?!?!? Everyone says that the “Truth” adverisements are bullshit! Obviously, when they imply grass can kill, they know whereof they speak!

What a seedy story. I was a mouse click away from calling you a tool. Yeah, I know the drill, but I’m thinking outside the box this time. Cleaning up after mummy and the kids sure sucks but there you have it. You should have shelved your plans and just told the little cheese weasle to lay off the grass.

Bad memories coming up.

In an anthropology class in college, we had the Dade County Medical Examiner as a guest speaker, mostly to talk about anthropological tools used in his trade. But, I guess to gross out the class, he also brought “autopsies from Hell” pictures.

One of them was of a woman he called “a local doctor with some obvious problems”. According to him she had gone on an eating binge one night, and in essence been suffocated by her own distended stomach. The picture he showed was of her torso, with the usual “Y” shaped cut, skin peeled back, and her stomach was the only organ visible from neck to crotch.

Reminds me of a book I had to read as an undergrad for a Spanish lit class. It was Miguel de Unamuno’s Niebla (Fog). There is a bizarre bit in the book where the author gets into an argument with the protagonist over which one of them was more real. After the quarrel, the protagonist goes to Salamanca, where he sits down and eats and eats and eats until he dies.

So, our final exam question: was the death a murder or a suicide?

Oh.My.God. :eek: Somebody, quick, please pass the brain-bleach.