You can't borrow my debit card because it's MY DEBIT CARD, ass! (mild, longish)

To my bloodsucking female friend,

So, tonight you needed to borrow five dollars to mail off an application. Okay, fine. This wouldn’t be a problem if you actually had a fucking bank account and didn’t live off of the credit card that your mother loads up with a few bucks every couple of weeks, which you apparently believe is there for blowing on pizza and wings, but I digress. The point is, I agreed to loan you five dollars. Okay. I’m busy tonight (or I should be), so I met you in the lobby of my building to hand you a five-dollar bill. You took it, and then explained that your mother had told you that the machines at the post office might not take cash, and it would suck for you to walk alll the way down there and find out that the cash didn’t work. So… in as many words, could you borrow my card?

Like any sane person, I said “Umm, no.”

Now, this is where, on your side of the conversation, a sane person would have realized that it is best not to inquire as to the reasons why such a loan is not forthcoming (although I am given to wonder if a sane person would have made such a request) and dropped the matter. But no, you had to press the issue. “Don’t you see what I’m sayin?,” you asked. “I don’t want to walk all the way down to the post office and not be able to send this.” Yes, OF COURSE I understand that. It’s not my problem that you waited until the last minute to send this. It’s not my problem that you can’t understand why a sane person would have a bank account available from which to withdraw money at need.

“Don’t you trust me?” you asked next. “It’s not like I’m going to steal money out of your account or anything.” I explained that this wasn’t the issue. You could lose the card. Maybe someone would waylay you and take it. I don’t know. “But I would bring it right back! It would only be like ten minutes!” Um, not the point!

It went back and forth like this until, frustrated, you exclaimed that, well, it sounded like I had no trust for you at all, and if you were going to cop an attitude about it, fine. Hell with you.

Stunned, I informed you that you had best leave, and went back up the stairs to my room. Here’s what I should have said to you there in the stairwell. Wish I hadn’t saved it for the SDMB:

How dare you? How dare you question my desire to take the steps that I deem necessary to protect my finances? Further, how dare you accuse me of copping an attitude about trusting you with my bank card which, lest we be unclear, is the key to the entirety of my (quite limited) liquid assets? I am doing a nice thing for you. Your application and the fee to send it are not my problem. I am under no obligation to loan you a red cent, let alone the fucking key to my fortune. And how dare you make me into the bad guy, when you were the one who presumed to ask for my card and personal PIN, and then further presumed to insist when I said no!

I suppose that I shouldn’t be surprised. You have a problem, and suddenly it is my problem too. I am expected to put myself out on a limb to help you resolve issues in which I have no interest, no knowledge, or no desire to help you with. Forgive me the cliche, but you have been sucking me dry with your constant demands on my time and even my money. You are so lost in your little world of philosophical transcendence and international human rights that you haven’t got the loosest grasp on the realities of life in this local little slice of space and time. You have not the least conception of the enormity of your selfishness and short-sightedness, of the impact of your negative actions and bad decisions upon your life and the life of others (the good things you do with AI, on the other hand, are saving the entire world!). You completely fail to understand and appreciate how much other people do to keep you immersed in your little dream world of enlightened academia, and you continue to make demands of them long after you’ve exhausted any degree of reason that you may have been able to cling to. Well, fuck you. I’m done with this. You can keep digging your ditches, but I won’t be digging you out anymore. I can only hope that someday, you’ll realize that you’re in over your head and have only yourself to rely on to get out. I’m not sure that anything less will give you the reality check that you need.

I think it’s strange that, as much as I give to you, I can’t give you what you need the most. It’s ironic, isn’t it? But you can give me something, and that something would be a little bit of respect, a little bit of consideration, and maybe a little bit of regard for my desire for privacy, financial and otherwise. But friendship is a two-way cliche, and it’s one that I’m tired of walking by myself. I think I’ll look for cameraderie elsewhere, thank you.

And no, you can’t have five bucks from me ever again. Ever.

Some people just have no sense of boundaries. Or gratitude.

So…haven’t gotten any from her yet, I guess?

I kid, I kid.

“Don’t you trust me?”


At one point, I might have wanted to ‘get some,’ as it were. But, the better I know her, the more I :rolleyes:.

I’m not even so much pissed off as frustrated and amazed. I’m too burned-out on this crap to be angry anymore. All I can do is continue to be amazed at how outright stupid she can be, especially for such an ostensibly smart person.

Actually I would not have trusted her beyond this point. This has such a ring of dishonesty to it, that it set off all my alarms. It sounds eerily like a couple conversations I had when I was younger. If you’d given me any other reason to think this I’d have asked if she was a junkie. I’m sure it’s more likely thast she’s trying to convince herself that her life is OK because you’ll still trust her, and she has no other ulterior motive. But man she really wanted that cash card. Like I said, it’s probably more symbolic than anything. It’s still better to hang onto it, though.

“On my way back from the post office, I realized I needed beer and cigarettes. And then I dropped my ipod, so I had to get a new one. And my rent was due. I’ll pay you back soon.”

The part I really like is this contrast:

If it’s only going to be ten minutes, you can fuckin’ walk back if the machine doesn’t take cash, bitch!

If you had just laughed and said “no” to her request for your card & pin and left without discussing the matter any further, she would have some degree of respect for you. Not that a user with no concept of the repercussions of her actions nor empathy for others is capable of respecting anyone.

Funny thing is, it really wouldn’t have been ten minutes. That post office is a minimum half-hour walk each way from my building. She was really desperate for the card. And the thing is, she wouldn’t have mis-used it, either. She would have done exactly what she said. None of that was material to my judgement that loaning out my bank card except under the most extreme of circumstances is a Bad Idea.

This whole cycle of being used is frustrating and infuriating, but also just makes me feel bad for her. I think that she doesn’t really know how to be a friend, though she’s desperate for it. But what can I do? It’s neither my responsibility nor my right to try and ‘help’ her, especially since I haven’t a bloody clue of how to do so. This whole thing, couple with an incident last weekend, has made me realize that I can’t keep doing this, but I don’t want to just stop being her friend, either. Crappy situation all round, really.

That is friggin insane. I despise people who “push the issue”. Most sane people would immediately balk at your initial rejection. The fact that she did not is astounding.

Out of curiousity, has she ever displayed this type of behavior in the past?

Some people just don’t deserve your friendship.

Also, she knew the time constraints when she asked you for the fin. The fact that she made you come downstairs in an attempt to get you face-to-face is sets off an alarm.

I had to financially cut off a friend of mine for similar reasons. We’re still friends, but I no longer “rescue her.” It’s easier on me, less stressful on my accounts, and I can enjoy the friendship without irritation (once I wrote off the old “loans”).

It’s easy: just stop saying yes. You don’t have to confront her, just act as if the words phrasing the request never entered your brain: she’ll get the message. And it spares you the stress of defending your property from a parasite.

A real friend would never ask for someone out of line. Asking for your card and PIN are WAY out of line.

I have a saying: Never loan money (or sell a car) to a friend.

That isn’t always true though. A few bucks here and there are fine if the money comes back with a smile (and without a reminder). Never loan a friend a huge amount before having a few small test runs.

I think you should ask this girl if you can have sex in her ass without a condom. If she says no, lay it on her like she doesn’t trust you when you say you don’t have sex cooties.

Ok, not really.

Are there really U.S. Post Offices with machines that won’t take cash? I’ve never heard of such a thing.

I thought that was kind of fishy, too.

I’ve heard of many a place that doesn’t take cards, but virtually everyone takes cash. Right? :confused:

A friend of mine gave her card to her “new boyfriend” because he needed $20 and she was on her way to work. He cleaned her out. She calls the cops and they asked if she gave him the PIN, which she did. The cop said, “no crime has been committed here. You’re SOL.”

How 'bout $4.99? :smiley:

Dang, and I don’t have a penny – oh well, I’ll give it to you later.

Don’t they take credit cards now?