(Government guy says something about taxes)
“Oh, yeah? I gotta an uncle who-a lives ina Texas!”
“No, no, I mean funds… dollars!”
“Yeah, thatsa where he-a lives - Dallas, Texas! <looks over at Groucho, grinning> How’m’I doin’ here, huh boss?”
Dumont: Are you sure you have everything, Otis?
Groucho: Well, I haven’t had any complaints yet.
Groucho: Signore Ravelli’s first selection will be Somewhere My Love Lies Sleeping with a male chorus.
Groucho: …Columbus was sailing along on his vessel…
Chico: On his what?
Groucho: Not on his what, on his vessel. Don’t you know what “vessel” is?
Chico: Sure, I can vessel…
[starts whistling]
Chico: Who are you?
Groucho: I’m fine, thanks, who are you?
Chico: I’m fine too, but you can’t come in unless you give the password.
Groucho: Well, what is the password?
Chico: Aw, no! You gotta tell me. Hey, I tell what I do. I give you three guesses. It’s the name of a fish.
Groucho: Is it Mary?
Chico: Ha-ha. That’s-a no fish.
Groucho: She isn’t, well, she drinks like one.
I’M Maurice Chevalier… If the nightengales, could sing like you…"
CHICO: Hey, you sing-a high.
THELMA TODD: Yes, I have a falsetto voice.
CHICO: 'At’sa coincidence. I used to have a student, she hadda false setta teeth.
GROUCHO: Has anyone ever told you you look like the Prince of Wales? Not the present Prince of Wales, one of the old Wales. And believe me, when I say Wales, I mean Wales. I know a whale when I see one.
GROUCHO: You left out a Hungadunga! The most important one, too.
GROUCHO as Captain Spalding, singing:
Hello, I must be going,
I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going.
I’m glad I came, But just the same, I must be going.
I’ll stay a week or two,
I’ll stay the summer through,
But I am telling you,
I must be…(basso profundo) Going!
[sub]The Hays Office (MPPDA) was the precursor of the MPAA, but Hays was more prudish and powerful than the MPAA in demanding cuts and changes to the movies. So in the movie “At the circus” this classic moment occurred:[/sub]
When Eve Arden stuffs the circus payroll into her blouse, Groucho turns to the camera and whispers "There must be some way of getting that money back without offending the Hays Office!”.
My life was wrapped around the circus. Her name was Lydia.
I met her at the world’s fair in 1900, marked down from
1940. Ah, Lydia.
She was the most glorious creature
Under the su-un.
Guiess. DuBarry. Garbo.
Rolled into one.
Oooooooh
Lydia oh Lydia, say have you met Lydia,
Lydia, the Tatooed Lady.
She has eyes that folks adore so,
And a torso even more so.
Lydia oh lydia, that encyclopedia,
Oh Lydia the Queen of Tatoo.
On her back is the Battle of Waterloo.
Beside it the wreck of the Hespherous, too.
And proudly above waves the Red, White, and Blue,
You can learn a lot from Lydia.
La la la, la la la, la la la, la la la
When her robe is unfurled, she will show you the world,
If you step up and tell her where.
For a dime you can see Kankakee or Paris,
Or Washington crossing the Delaware.
La la la, la la la, la la la, la la la
Oh Lydia oh lydia, say have you met Lydia,
Oh Lydia the Tatooed Lady
When her muscles start relaxing,
Up the hill comes Andrew Jackson
Lydia oh Lydia, that encyclopedia,
oh Lydia the queen of them all!
For two bits she will do a mazurka in jazz,
With a view of Niagara that nobody has.
And on a clear day you can see Alcatraz.
You can learn a lot from Lydia.
La la la, la la la, la la la, la la la
Come along and see Buff’lo Bill with his lasso.
Just a little classic by Mendel Picasso.
Here is Captain Spaulding exploring the Amazon.
Here’s Godiva but with her pajamas on.
La la la, la la la, la la la, la la la
Here is Grover Whalen unveilin’ the Trilon.
Over on the West Coast we have Treaure Island.
Here’s Najinsky a-doin’ the rhumba.
Here’s her social security numba.
{whistles}
Oh Lydia, oh Lydia that encyclopedia,
Oh Lydia the champ of them all.
She once swept an admiral clear off his feet.
The ships on her hips made his heart skip a beat.
And now the old boy’s in command of the fleet,
For he went and married Lydia.
I said Lydia {He said Lydia}
I said Lydia {We said Lydia}
La La!
On second thought, RTFirefly (the only person with whom I seem to be having a DISCUSSION here), I am being unfair to MGM. I realize it may have been the reinforcement of the Production Code in 1934 that watered down the Marxes and Jeanette MacDonald—along with Jean Harlow, Mae West, and so many others. The timing (mid-1934) was just about the time those performers moved to MGM.
So I will give L.B. and Irving the benefit of a doubt . . . Now, back to your quote-fest, folks!