You, Desert Island and Either Omarosa or Martha Stewart

Cafe Society
1

That’s right, amigo. You’re marooned on a South Pacific desert island–no Dish Network, no plasma TV, no Playboy mags or unlimited supply of chilled microbrews calling for you from the ice chest.

It’s just you, that damned abandoned island, and either Omarosa (of “The Apprentice” fame) or Martha Stewart, post conviction.

Also this: No masturbation and no Star Trek holodeck with Jeri Ryan waiting for you in her thong and spinning tassles.

Not to worry. Your rescue ship is only 10 years away. Enjoy. :smiley:

  • Carnac
2

I can’t guarantee that Omarosa wouldn’t eat me so I’ll have to go with Martha Steward. According to her show, she can cook plus she’s aged pretty well.

3

Martha, no question about it.

She’s a very motivated, hard worker, with a sense of style, as opposed to being just a whiny bullshit artist.

4

I see no evidence that being trapped with Martha would be a benefit. Can she fish better than me? Can she forage? Can’t live with a pampered control freak. And I would need regular, marathon sex on the beach for my own entertainment, especially if I know going in it’ll be for the next ten years.

Grudgingly, Omarosa.

She grew up poor. She’ll adapt. As long as I can lay the pipe right, and can keep conversation to a minimum, and I do the cooking, it’ll be a ten-year re-enactment of my last 6-month relationship with someone I have nothing in common with.

5

I’d have to go with Martha and I don’t even think it’s that close. Martha has skills, man. She ha s a lot of basic knowledge and practical ability. I think my quality of life would be immeasurably better with a woman who knows how to make, build, craft, grow or cook just about anything in sight than with a woman who is a known malingerer and liar. I know Martha would get off her ass and work. I think Omarosa would just nag and make excuses. She’s probably get beaned by a falling mago or something and then milk her “concusion” for the next ten years.

6

I can’t believe anyone would seriously choose Omarosa. Ms. Stewart may be a demanding person to work for, but like Dio says, she’s got skills. And while she may be among the pampered wealthy now, she certainly didn’t start out life that way – she came from modest means. She knows how to roll up her sleeves and get to work.

And she’s pretty hot for a woman her age. We should all look so good in our mid-sixties.

7

Bah! No puny desert island can separate me from Rosy Palm and her Five Sisters!

8

Martha, definitely.

–Martha may be difficult to get along with (or maybe she’s a raging bitch), but her business success suggests that she is capable of working with others. Omarosa, on the other hand, has proven that she’s incapable of working with others. Martha would probably insist on being “the boss” but that’s okay with me.

–As others have said, Martha has skills. Of course she has the obvious skills like cooking and gardening, but the value of her general craft skills can not be underestimated. She may be using those skills to make doorknob vases out of old tin cans, but that doesn’t change the fact that she knows how to tie a knot. I’ll bet she’d quickly figure out how to use palm fronds to lash together a shelter out of bamboo. She’s also quite creative. This will be valuable when we are figuring out how to do stuff, like cook without a pot or make our own footwear. Omarosa has no discernable handcraft skills.

–Martha Stewart is hard working. For all the negative things that people has said about her, nobody has ever accused her of being lazy. She puts in the time and effort, both physically and mentally. She’s not gonna laze around for weeks because a mango lands on her head.

–Martha may be somewhat dishonest, but Omarosa is a liar.

–Martha won’t play the race card. One of the most annoying things about Omarosa was the fact that every time she was losing ground or seemed to be at a disadvantage, she would bring up race. I can just imagine it:
GB: I’d like you to take more responsibility for cleaning up around the campsite.
Assorama: You just think I should be the maid because I’m black.

And Martha’s definitely better looking.

9

Omarosa, even though I’ve never seen The apprentice.

Hey, she cites Optimus Prime as a role-model; if nothing else, that gives us lots to talk about.

10

Martha. And if we were there long enough, I would make that frosty harridan mine, oh yes, she would be mine.

(Yeah, I foster secret – well, not so secret now – fantasies about Martha. I admit it. She gives me shivers up my spine when she does marvelous things with her strong yet feminine hands.)

11

Oh, it’s a black thing. You wouldn’t understand. (Mischevious grin.)

The OP has laid out a scenario where myself and either 1) a geriatric or 2) a 30 years younger woman will be trapped on an island at, presumably, subsistence level existence for 10 years. Under those conditions, which of these two divas can I put up with the longest?

Martha has a BIG strike against her: namely a lack of immediate resources at her disposal. Tools – heck, even seeds wasn’t mentioned in the OP. So unless this woman can mine ore barehanded and smelt metal tools…

Somehow, with total companionship staring me in the face, I don’t find Stewart’s company all that appealing. Even worse news is that she’ll be 73 when she gets off the island. I’ll only be 43. I’d prefer to spend that time with someone my own age (and ethnic background, frankly) than a woman who I do not perceive as being very interesting and who would likely require more and more geriatric care as our rescue time grows nearer. I’ll probably be kissing off a multi-million benefit from her will if I helped keep Martha Stewart alive, but realistically? In 7 years she’d be declared dead anyway.

Now, I’m not worried about me. I already know how to fish in the ocean, how to gut, scale and clean 'em, how to garden, how to forage for food, water and other resources, how NOT to get lost, how to orient myself with natural landmarks, how to track mammals, and build a shelter from natural materials. My plump body shape should see me through nicely the first year and cold winter. By my second year on the island I’ll be lean and limber enough to experiment with all those positions in the Kama Sutra I dare now only dream about.

If you’ll recall The Apprentice, Troy and Kwama mostly laughed at Omarosa. I, too, would be laughing my ass off at her if she tried to pull half the shit on me she did on the show. Lying? Ha! It’s only two of us. She KNOWS I’d bust her. Race card? Pftttth! I’m black! Lazy excuses? Snort. From day one my rule would be: you share what you work for. I have no problems giving her ass the boot and the silent treatment for months on end to drive my point home.

So basically I’m trading skill, experience, a hard work ethic and the diplomatic skills of a fortune 500 businesswoman for the opportunity for hot monkey sex on the beach with a bitchy ex-beauty queen. But really, how is that different from MOST of the women I date? That being said, she’d better give up the booty quick, because I’m not looking for slaking my unnatural desires on Hangela Pulling-Johnson. Nuh-uh. NoOoo. Not the kid…

12

I’d go with Martha, too for all the reasons everyone else stated. I actually like Martha. Granted I would not want to work for her in the real world but I think she’s savvy enough to realize not to piss off the only other person in the world who can help keep you alive. I think Martha is more capable of adapting to the new situation and who knows, maybe she’d be able to build a radio out of coconuts like the Professor.

I never watched the Apprentice but I still managed to quickly get sick of Omerosa. I think I’d end up killing her or myself in the first month if I was trapped with her. And if I did kill myself, I’d make sure she couldn’t get to my body to eat me.
Also, no matter whom I got stuck with I guess I’d be going 10 years without sex in any form, I don’t swing that way and I don’t think either of those women could convince me otherwise … trap me on the island with Catherine Zeta-Jones and that might be a different story.

13

Most definitely Martha, for all the same reasons as everyone else. I don’t want to spend 10 years trying to reshape someone’s personality. And Martha would be interesting to talk to…all the stories she can tell about her life, her businesses, the people she’s met. With Omarosa you know half of what she’d say would be a crock.

And if I were a guy, Martha seems like a much more giving, generous person than Omarosa, who seems like she would withold sex everytime the fish was overcooked. Older women also have skills that younger women can only dream about, and no worries about repopulating the island, either. Just fun and frolic. 60+ is nowhere near dead, or crippled, and many people find it the most satisfying time for their sex life.

14

Martha looks like she’d be too tough and stringy. Omarosa has got more meat on her bones.

Long pig, anyone?

15

But remember, there are (presumably) no grooming or beauty products on the island either. How long would Omarosa be appealing (physically, of course, since this is the only way she could be appealing) with no razor blades, toothpaste, mouthwash, etc.? Imagine either of them with hair under their arms and all over their legs, stringy hair washed only in water, and bad breath, and I think I’d try to find some way to escape them both. :stuck_out_tongue:

16

Man, while you folks are admirably thinking Civilization 4, I’m thinking: Who do I want to have sex with for the next 10 years?

Face it: According to my outlined scenario, you’re bloody NOT getting off that island, so drop that coconut axe of yours and accept reality.

You have two choices: A resourceful, intelligent, tough-minded senior whose idea of sex, in all likelihood, is maybe once every three weeks, or a former beauty queen–work with me on this one, boys–who is so hyper and intensely competitive that I’m hoping she’d channel all that into marathon sex.

My thinking is this: Once Omarosa’s admittedly underpowered psychotropic meds quickly wear off, she’ll hit rock bottom, have her Much-Needed Breakdown, and then slowly pull herself together and stop being the lying psycho bitch that she is. In the meantime, I’m figuring if I play my cards right, we’re looking at channeling her compulsivity into sex five times a week with a gal whose bod really ain’t that bad. (God forbid we don’t have a 10-year supply of BC pills.)

Um, anybody buying my scenario?

17

Apparently, you’ve never been to a Phish concert. :wink:

18

While I’ll not be one to disparage ten years of hot monkey sex on a tropical beach, I think I have to place a higher priority on survival. Martha has very much the sort of practical skills required, as well as a very strong work ethic. With Martha on my team, we’d survive. Then, when the ten years are up and we return to the mainland, I’d be a celebrity, and able to talk my way into hot monkey sex with non-bitchy beauties.

And like Askia, I do have survival skills of my own, but we’re talking about supporting two people, not just one. It’s hard for one person, no matter how skilled, to support a lazy incompetent in a survival situation. I’d want my co-castaway to be able to pull her own weight.

Besides, after about six months, with no other women, no Playboys, no internet, and no TV, I imagine that either of them would start looking pretty hot.

19

What on earth makes you think that Martha would only want sex once every three weeks?

And as someone else said, I think Omarosa would definitely withhold sex if she was angry. And she’s always angry.

And in a situation with no beauty aids, I do think Martha would be better looking. She has natural beauty, good bone structure, etc. Omarosa is (IMHO) quite homely. She has a nice enough figure, but face-wise, she looks like Mr. Ed. I’m sure both Martha and Omarosa have lots of beauty treatments to keep them in TV-ready or pageant-ready condition, but I think Omarosa depends on them more. If all treatments were withheld from Martha, I’d expect that she’d still look more or less the same. Less polished and probably gray-haired, but still a nice looking woman. Omarosa, on the other hand, would probably look horrendous.

One thing about beauty queens–they’re not always that pretty. The looks and skills that will get you far in the world of pageantry don’t necessarily translate into someone who you’d want to see in your bed every morning.

20

Yeah, but Martha could whip that shit up from a sharpened rock, a coconut, and an aloe plant.