I dream about my mom (died in '95) fairly frequently. More often than not she’s not in the room with me though, or I am trying to call her and can’t get the number right. If she’s there I can’t see her face. It’s either turned away or just sort of not there, like a blur.
It’s always traumatic to me and I will wake up crying, or I will just feel heartbroken like I did when she died.
I dream about my Wonton too! He died last year, but he was blind most of his life so I had a habit for years of making sure he was safe every night before bed. There were a few times he slipped out the back door (into a fenced in yard, but still!) so I’d have to go out and look for him in the dark. After he died I started dreaming of searching for him and not finding him, or finding him and having a happy reunion. I loved that silly cat.
Shortly after my son died, I had a very vivid dream where I went to visit him. He lived in an apt that hung out over a narrow street, you could actually step through his window into the apt across the street.
He told me this was where he was assigned until the rest of his party arrived. I would be part of that party, but not for a long time. His wife would be even longer.
He was ok with that, since he’d met some very interesting people in the neighborhood. One, named Belle, was becoming his best friend. My best friend was named Belle too, but that wasn’t her real name. She had taken her grandmother’s name. Her GM had been the major crimes reporter for a major newspaper in the 30s.
He introduced me to her and to my suriprise, she was an older version of my friend. She was there waiting for her daughter and granddaughter. She said since my friend had never remarried after her bitter divorce, she didn’t want her to be alone, once she arrived.
There was much much more, but probably not interesting to to the rest of you.
It was a very comforting, but also confusing, since I didn’t and don’t believe in an after-life.
My father was a suicide when I was 12, now 44 years ago, and my family did not talk much about him; there wasn’t even a funeral. I have had one dream about him, I think just several years after his death. In the dream my mother and sister and I were living together in some unfamiliar dark house, and my father’s dead body was on the floor in the middle of the living room, and we just walked around the body and ignored the worsening smell.
Usually my dreams do not seem especially meaningful or symbolic. They tend to feature people with whom I’m only a little acquainted, or strangers. There isn’t much of a plot, or perhaps just a bit of a theme like searching for some object or going back to school. If there is a strong feeling to the dream it’s generally attached to the physical location, which is typically either unfamiliar or more significantly a familiar and evocative place but only from other dreams (not the real world).
The father’s body dream is so blatantly symbolic that it’s hard to believe it was actually a dream and not some cheezy movie sequence - but I definitely dreamt it.
I have lost so many people over the years, not just my parents but hundreds of friends/lovers who died from AIDS. It’s unusual for me to dream about someone still alive.
Fairly often. Heck, that can be my clue that I’m dreaming. Though my brain is getting better at covering, like including memories that the person almost died, or that we merely thought they were dead. My grandmother on my dad’s side is the most frequent visitor, followed by my other grandmother. Everyone else mostly showed up when their death was recent, but have faded out otherwise.
I learned years ago while dreaming (dad died in 1986) not to bring up the subject of him being dead. It just pisses him off and he leaves.
One time he said that I was dead which pretty much scared me awake. When I went back to sleep he showed up again and said, “See? How do you like it when somebody tells you that?”
What the OP describes is something I call a ‘visitation’, opposed to a run-of-the-mill dream. Yes, a visitation is a dream, but the difference is in the presentation.
An ordinary dream to me has a surreal and sometimes cartoonish quality to them. I generally am aware that I’m dreaming as it unfolds. A visitation, however, is seemingly real and lack the lucid quality.
I’ve been through visitations with parents, grandparents, distant relatives, and even a dog. All have been positive, and generally involve the loved one coming back to visit, and we talk of the family news of the day before they go back. Well, except for the dog. We just played in that one.
One creeped me out, though, because it involved my mother just before she died. She appeared to me, and we were going to a greasy spoon for breakfast. She was healthy in appearance. “Mom, what are you doing here? You’re really in bed, dying of cancer… Wait, before you answer that, let me look you over first.”
She replied, “Take your time. I want you to remember me as you see me now, not as I really am.”
As soon as I woke up in the morning, I had to call my sister to see if Mom was still alive. She was, and died about 3 weeks later.
I have had many dreams about my first-born son (died 1996) and my mother (died 2006). They’re generally quite disturbing, as I don’t realize I’m dreaming at first, but slowly become aware that something is wrong (i.e., not true to reality).
Less so as I’ve grown older but when I was 20 my cousin, who was also my best friend, was killed in a motorcycle accident. For several years after her death whenever I was having trouble with a decision (and I had a LOT of trouble in those years) I would dream of her and she would be cutting through the bullshit and making very logical recommendation.
I know it was just my subconscious making my real opinion known if for no other reason than because she was the least logical person I knew 
I loved her and missed her desperately but if I was looking for good life advice she was the last person I would talk to. In dreams however she was very helpful.
All the time. Whether it’s a conversation with my grandmother in her kitchen, advice from my father-in-law that I never remember in the morning, or just a glimpse of a dog long gone, they are all welcome. I think of them as little visitations from my subconscious.
I’ve dreamed of my father, who died 18+ years ago, and of some good family friends who died more recently. In some of them I’m overcome with joy at seeing them in the dream itself, while after others I just wake up feeling comforted, like I really did visit with them.
I miss you terribly, Dad. 
There is so much more I wanted to learn from you.
My dad passed away just a few days ago (on Christmas Day). Last night I dreamed about him–he was standing in his kitchen, talking to me. In the dream, I remember thinking, “Oh, I know he’s going to die on Christmas–I’m glad I know that so I can really make the most of this time and talk more with him before he goes.” It wasn’t scary or sad, just kind of a matter-of-fact thing. Kind of comforting, in a way.
I haven’t lost anyone close to me yet, but I can relate to the “visitation” feel of some dreams. This morning I dreamed I was talking to my mom (living) in her kitchen about her sister who died at the age of 21 before I was born.
It was a little odd. First, mom stood by the window and looked uncharacteristically distressed. She told me a woman named Dawn had died, who had lived somewhere on the block. (If I find out we have a neighbor named Dawn, I will probably become psychotic) Her distress indicated there was more to it she wasn’t sharing with me.
Then she began talking about my deceased aunt, and she seemed to have some sort of a revelation. She kept saying that “Anne and E were inseparable” (Anne is her sister’s name). I understood “E” to mean a female whose first name began with E. I was trying to figure out who E was, and I kept asking my mom. She said Elizabeth, but I didn’t believe her. Elizabeth is my cousin who is younger than me, who never met Anne. I kept asking my mom to clarify what she meant, and she got upset with me.
Then I asked her why she was upset and she said “it was the way you said it” to which I became hurt and upset. The last thing I said before waking was “you think I’m cold, is that it?” or “I’m cold, is that what I am?” and my saying that caused my mom to shriek as if in pain–and I woke up.
this is really nothing in the scheme of crazy dreams I have had. But when I lived with my grandma about 2 years ago (where my mom and Anne grew up), I had some really weird experiences which I shared with my mom and other aunts, causing them to speculate about spirit visitation (which it certainly felt like).
My dad passed away in 2009, and every so often I dream that he’s in my kitchen and I’ve caught him drinking out of the milk carton. I’ll ask him what he’s doing in my kitchen, and he’ll say something like he was thirsty, and then I wake up. Never anything more than that, and it hasn’t happened for a while.
The only dead folks I remember ever dreaming about are my Dad (d. 2001) and Mom (d. 2008)
I had one particularly vivid one involving both of them, with my Mom still living in the house but Dad banished to some cheap apartment in a poor part of town. In the dream I kept trying to get down there to see him but things kept coming up to prevent it. Very distressing, really.
IRL my parents never separated, but they spent at least the last ten years of their time together living in separate rooms (even separate floors for most of that time), so that one hit pretty close to home.
I dream of my grandmother (who raised me) and my father quite regularly. I never realize that my grandmoher should be dead. I occasionally did for my father, but even then, only late in the dream.
FTR, my grandmother died 35 years ago, and my father 15 years ago.
Is it appropriate to laugh in such a thread?
My dad died 6 years ago (on my birthday) and I see him every so often in dreamland. When he appears, I can hear his voice and laughter, feel the soft top of the crewcut he forever sported, and even smell his Aqua Velva. After those dreams I wake up happy because . . . Yay! I spent time with Dad, and Yay! Time hasn’t diminished memories of the details he imprinted on my life.
My paternal grandfather died in early 2006. In January 2007, just after the holidays, I had a dream where my grandpa took my grandma and me to dinner. While my grandma was away from the table, I looked at my grandpa and said, “But you died.” He said, “I know, but I’m here to help your grandma. She’s having a really hard time right now.” I told my dad about the dream and asked whether I should tell my grandma, and he said he thought she’d like to hear about it.
Because I’m a procrastinator, I didn’t tell my grandma right away. About two weeks after that first dream, I had another where my dad, my grandpa, and I were at a party. My dad and I were the only ones who could see my grandpa. My grandpa stopped, looked at me, and said in his best “now you listen up, young lady” tone, “I’m here to help your grandma. She’s having a really hard time right now.”
So the next day I called my grandma and told her about the dreams. She told me she’d been dreaming about my grandpa a lot lately. She said everything hit her all at once right after Christmas, she was having a hard time, and she really missed my grandpa. She was glad I told her about the dreams because they were comforting to her.
I don’t believe in an afterlife, although I’d really like it if there were one. Whatever the reason I had those dreams, I’m glad I was able to bring some comfort to my grandma.