Meh.
I’d stash it for a couple of years and then buy an old dresser or armoire at a used furniture or antique shop.
Then I’d contact a lawyer about the amazing luck I had while fixing it up.
:mad:
You, ALSO, are to stop being smarter than me, or there will be Tartarus to pay!
Interesting, I didn’t realize that. I guess I’d change my answer to get arrested at the airport.
With that in mind I guess I’d just mail the money to my buddy in Korea in 5K increments once all of the money was over there I plan a trip to go visit Asia and do the same thing changing it along the way. It would be more expensive and I’d have to split the cash with my friend but I still could probably end up with 30K or so. After he mailed it back to me I wouldn’t even worry about putting in a bank, the cash would just replace any trips to the bank for the next couple of year or possibly using it to pay some contractors under the table.
After watching A Simple Plan and seeing what happened with their drug money find, my husband and I promised each other a non-stop trip to the cops with anything like that. (In the film, the bills’ serial numbers had been recorded by the FBI, so after they screwed up their lives and relationships trying to keep the money secret, they learned it was also very dangerous to spend even in small amounts.)
I’d turn it in to the police and invite one of the local reporters along because, hey, it’s a story and I’m bad at keeping track of appointments and stuff. The reporter can help me keep track of whether anyone claims the money and when it reverts to being mine.
Maybe it’s from reading the hoarder threads, but I’d be thinking of people clearing out Grandpa’s stuff, now that he’s gone and giving away their inheritance. Sure I’d have to pay taxes on the money, if it ended up being mine, but $50,000 is a nice sum that I didn’t have before and once the paper trail is clear, I don’t have to think about it any more.
Would the windfall plan in the Shawshank Redemption work? Could I give $10,000 to each of my kids and other relatives, keep $10,000 for myself and they’d pay no taxes and I wouldn’t pay much?
Probably not use the money. 
But I want to change my answer anyway. I like the ‘buy an old dresser’ idea.
I’d probably spend a few hours trying to find some way to just keep the money… but I imagine I’d end up turning it into the cops. Even if I only got to keep a fraction of the money, it would still be money I didn’t have previously.
Turn it over to the police. Doing the right thing often sucks, but there you go.
Of course, this would be after I’ve thoroughly investigated their procedures for reclaiming lost money. No need to be stupid about it.
Turn it in.
I’m boring like that.
That’s a tax minimizing plan. It doesn’t help with money acquired by dodgy means.
I think. I’ve been wrong at least 20 times since Tuesday.
The comedian Emo Phillips had a routine where he said he found a wallet and had a chat with himself about his next move. “What would I do if I lost my wallet?”
Happily, he came up with the answer, “I’d want to be taught a lesson!”
an seanchai
Another vote for “turn it in.” It’s far more money than I currently have to my name, but I’ve no reason to risk legal prosecution or extra-legal execution over it. With luck, it’ll come back to me (less taxes) later.
I suppose I’m being very risk averse. Would be awesome to have that much.
More than likely they’d declare it to be drug money, and claim it as seized assets.
Bingo. Call me a moral relativist, but under the given circumstances, I would take it and take my chances.
I would store the cash in a safe deposit box. I would use it to buy guitars in the $500-2000 range on Craigslist or the classifieds then sell them soon afterward at around the same price. Hopefully that will be sufficient so the money can’t be traced back to me. I love trying out new guitars anyways, so it could be a fun hobby for a few years. I would spend the extra cash on little things like gas, food, booze, and of course, weed.
Well it’s an interesting question; I’m torn between 2 courses of action:
Should I spend it on 1 $100,000 whore or 100,000 $1 whores?
I’d sell my vintage Pillsbury doughboy salt and pepper shakers on eBay with no reserve, and have a .ca email address gradually raise the bidding from the $5 reserve to U.S. $98,998. With luck somebody will outbid me, but if not then I’ll pay myself with a Canadian money order, using $2 to pay for the money order and $1000 to go to Canada and buy the money order.
I would immediately take it home and wash it. Seriously, in the clothes washer, then undo all the bundles and roll around naked in the money. Then I’d find a comely lass to make sweet sweet love in the money pile.
I would probably look on the news websites to see if any robberies had been reported lately, but that’s mainly to rationalize my behaviour of me totally keeping the money and never telling anyone. I would tell very few people about the windfall. Once people know you have money they want to borrow some from you.
I mentioned before that my main fear would be it’s money from criminal activities and that whoever it belongs to will just sit out the waiting period and then come after me when it becomes mine. Even if it’s not I don’t want all the newspapers reporting that “J. Sampiro of 1313 Mockingbird Lane has $100,000 in cash tonight!” if it’s returned to me. Is there anyway that you can turn it into the police and request anonymity?
I would take the bag [del]home[/del] straight to a cash motel room so if anyone were to be watching the bag they couldn’t follow me directly to my house. When I got to the hotel room, I would inspect the money carefully. The OP states that there are several denominations of bills in the bag and doesn’t note if they are bundled or just stuffed willy nilly. If it’s new bills, bundled, with sequential serial numbers, I check out and take the bag straight to the police, turn it in and hope for a reward or if it’s not claimed, to get to keep it.
If they are stuffed willy nilly, then I would inspect the bills carefully, looking for counterfeit or marked bills. If they all look legit, I would put them in the motel safe in the room, take the bag and the clothes or other items that were in it and dispose of them either in a dumpster in another location. (Not legit looking I go to the police.) Next I would buy a backpack or small suitcase and go back to the motel and order a pizza. I’d pay with money from the bag.
If no thugs come for me in the night, I’d check out the next morning and go home and put the money in the safe there. Like a person upthread, I’d use the money mostly as a personal ATM machine. I’d buy beater cars that I could put a few bucks into and fix up to flip on Craigslist. Then I could make cash deposits to my checking account on a semi regular basis. It’s not difficult to make a $500 car into a $1500 car with a little TLC. You just have to know what to look out for. Even if you break even or take a loss on some of the cars, you can get the money into your account. You’d have title records and receipts to show for it.
I’d mostly use it to buy gas and groceries and keep any money I make (when I get a job again) in my savings account.