Recently, a friend of my Mom’s died. He knew he was ill, but he was able to walk & talk, and was not in terrible pain. Apparently, 2 weeks before he died, his doctor told his immediate family(but not him) that he would be dying “any day now.” It was incurable. Nobody chose to tell him. I think that is awful. What do you think?
I voted yes.
However, I find this story somewhat suspect.
Unless this was a small child (and it doesn’t sound like it from your OP), I cannot imagine any doctor not informing his patient FIRST, and then allowing the patient to elect to tell the family or not.
Sorry, but this just sounds very odd/fishy to me that a doctor would not let his patient know the severity of the illness.
I have enough money on my savings account to spend two really good weeks surrounded by expensive hookers booze and drugs. The other option is not knowing, spending the next two weeks working, watching tv shows and playing videogames.
Well I don’t think I can answer the question, now that you just told me.
I’d prefer to know. but if it was a violent, horrible death the 2 weeks may end up being distracting (assuming there is nothing I can do to change or ameliorate my fate).
But yeah I’d prefer to know. I can get my affairs in order and spend more time doing what I like.
Of course I’d want to know, there are thingts I would like to say to some people.
Sounds koo-koo. Doesn’t a doctor have an obligation to tell the patient he’s dying ? He’s relatives sure must of put on one hell of an Oscar performance since they knew and he didn’t. Because if a close family member of mine was dying , that member would of been saying what’s wrong with me in about 5 minutes flat.
It shocked me, too. Seems highly unethical and downright mean if it’s true.
Perhaps the guy was faking it, but he was talking about going back to work and making other plans and was just going about his daily routine like usual. After he died, his family revealed that they knew he was dying but that he didn’t. I can almost understand why they would do that, but I really can’t imagine why they’d lie about it if they hadn’t.
This was actually pretty common, several decades ago. However, I think that today’s ethical standards dictate that an adult has the right to know such things.
And I’d want to know. I have a Ruger 9mm and a list. If I’m going to be dead in a couple of weeks, I want to leave the world a better place.
Don’t know what country this was in, but if in America I just absolutely don’t know how this could be ethically (or even potentially legally) permissible for a physician.
But ignoring that and just thinking of the scenario: I would absolutely want to know. For one, I can make sure all my I’s and T’s are dotted in my personal affairs. Then if there is anything I really want to do before I die that I can reasonably do in two weeks time, I’ll be able to do it. I can also settle any personal outstanding arguments or say things I’d always meant to say etc.
My family history is very strange. Growing up, I had more great-grandparents than anyone I knew. In fact, being born in the 50s most of my friends growing up never knew their great-grandparents, whereas I had many living great-grandparents all the way through High School (most of them died off in a cluster around the end of High School but two survived on until my mid-20s and died at extremely old ages.)
My grandparents generation was not nearly so lucky. And several of my grandparents (who I was very close with) died very suddenly with no illness before hand.
My mother is still alive, but several people from her generation died suddenly with no warning, and worse many of them died at relatively young ages (some before age 50.)
What I have observed from this is the ones who died slow deaths (especially the oldest generation who mostly died from generic “old age” just meaning they go so old something random just finally pushed them over the age after years of senility and convalescence), their deaths were not seen as tragedies. It wasn’t that hard on the family, the legal and financial aspects were all long since planned out and settled.
The ones who died suddenly, it was devastating to those closest to them in the family, and invariably the legal and financial dealings were a clusterfuck getting resolved. Even years later, any person in my family who lost an immediate (nuclear) family member to a sudden death remains very upset about it and will even sadly reflect on it sometimes.
The popular wisdom is always that deaths like cancer are hardest on the family and the person because of the lengthy suffering. But at least in my family I’ve seen the exact opposite, the dying is hard, and the process is hard, but it’s preparing you for the death. When the death finally happens you mourn, but are happy it’s finally over, and you typically can move on very quickly. With the sudden deaths I think people feel robbed of their chance to say goodbye, and I think the effects of that cause permanent emotional harm.
Yes, I’d want to know. I sure as hell wouldn’t be going to work.
Even better, I have a credit card.
Soon to be legal in some states, if you’re pregnant.
Heh, I’m the only guy who voted no. I can understand why you might want to vote yes, but, for me, I think the burden of knowledge would probably suck most of the fun out of doing drugs and banging hookers anyway. I’d rather it come as a complete surprise, preferably when I’m a hundred and ten and blitzed on tranquilizers in some old folks home.
It is legal and ethical if the patient requests it.
“Doc, I don’t want to know the details. My wife can take care of whatever you need to know, and you can talk to her about what’s going to happen, okay? I don’t want to know.”
Nothing unethical or illegal about it, but yes, you do have to have your patient’s permission to talk to another person about his medical care/prognosis.
In some cultures, this is very common. Some people of these cultures live in the US now. To provide culturally sensitive care, you have to take this into account and honor your patient’s wishes, even if they’re not what you would want in their place.
For the people who would want to know so they can tell people things: I used to have a friend who would ask me “if you were to die tomorrow, would there be anything you’d regret not telling someone first?” And if you answered “yes,” she’d say “then why don’t you tell them now? What are you waiting for?” Seriously, if there are some things you’d like to tell people, just tell them now. You actually MIGHT die tomorrow in an accident or later tonight from a stroke or heart attack.
Well, that’s sort of assuming that you want a relationship with them after you’re done telling them what you have to tell them. I can imagine that a few people might have things to say to me that they’d prefer to die shortly after saying. This sort of “would you” scenario isn’t always puppies and hugs.
Yes, I agree with that. I’m thinking more selfishly. If I knew I had two weeks to live, I’m not sure what all I’d do-- but I wouldn’t waste any of my final hours doing laundry or balancing my checkbook or some shit like that. And I sure wouldn’t watch what I eat or try to quit smoking!
It depends. Is this a doctor’s opinion that I have exactly two weeks to live (which is probably useless bullshit, from my experience with medical men) or a magically accurate prediction?
I’d need to know so I could make sure the cats and horses’ futures were secure; I already have planning in place but it would help to know when it needs to be ready to go into effect.
I’d also want to get my affairs in order so my executor wouldn’t go mad trying to find the necessary paperwork and straighten out the financial mess. 
Then once that was squared away, I’d have some fun to pursue that always get pushed aside for more immediate concerns.