Good Lord, any of those lousy non-religious songs. Not that I buy into the “War on Christmas” crap, but they’re just lousy music most of the time.
After reading this I’m happy I’ve never heard of The Christmas Shoes or Wonderful Christmastime.
I’m resisting the urge to google them just so I can hate them. 
You know…I had never heard of Christmas Shoes until this thread, I looked up the youtube, and it’s not THAT bad.
The lyrics suck and Patton Oswald was totally right in his stand up, but I wouldn’t say it’s all super horrible and such.
My vote is all of them cuz I hate ALL Christmas music.
Driving Home For Christmas by someone named Chris Rea. I loathe driving AND Christmas, and hearing this fills me with a red hot rage.
I’m going to give a runner-up vote to Neil Diamond’s Cherry Merry whatever Christmas. Blech.
Hear, hear.
I really can’t stand the schmaltzy, synth-laden Christmas tunes some pop stars put out, though. Same goes for renditions on the classics. Adding a superfluous run of extra notes to a phrase or two is not a unique and ingenious twist the world is dying to hear!
Also, Christmas Shoes…blech, glurge at its finest.
I feel it in my fingers,
I feel it in my toes,
Christmas is all around me,
and so the feeling grows
Interviewer: How do you think the new record compares to your old classic stuff?
Billy Mack: Oh come on, Mikey, you know as well as I do the record’s crap.
Billy Mack: But wouldn’t it be great if Number One this Christmas wasn’t some smug teenager, but an old ex-heroin addict searching for a comeback at any price? All those young popsters, come Christmas Day… they’ll be stretched out naked with a cute bird balancing on their balls, and I’ll be stuck in some dingy flat with me manager, Joe, ugliest man in the world, fucking miserable because our fucking gamble didn’t pay off. So if you believe in Father Christmas, children, like your Uncle Billy does, buy my festering turd of a record. And particularly enjoy the incredible crassness of the moment when we try to squeeze an extra syllable into the fourth line.
Stranger
“Is That You, Santa Claus?”
In my book it doesn’t even qualify as a song; it certainly is an assault on the ears though.
It’s just some clown talking, or rather yelling, while overacting horribly, to background music. It isn’t even rap.
I don’t consider something a song if there isn’t even a token attempt at singing.
Pertaining to the worst Christmas song ever written. My sister had a record(tape, or whatever it was) that was foisted upon the season by I believe John Denver.
The name was “Please daddy don’t get drunk this christmas”. At least that was the first line.
My niece loved the song. Memorized it. And ran around all day singing the damn thing.
She never knew how close she was to being throttled!
I would love to link to it and show ya’ll how bad it is but the risk of being banned is just too great.
You just told me not to think about a white bear.
Now–was the ending deliberately ambiguous, or just poorly written? There’s not enough information to tell that he was sober, just a vague implication based on our expectation. It wouldn’t take much, maybe "Walking straight and tall and booming "Merry Christmas!’ "–then change the fade-out chorus to “Myyyy daddy isn’t drunk this Christmas / For once, I’m glad to see my Momma cry.” As is, it’s too “Lady or the Tiger.”
(That’s if the glurgy thing were worth trying to save, which it isn’t.)
Well, given that the thread was NOT closed upon mention of the Chipmunks, I’m forced to do this:
With great power, comes great responsibility…
I wouldn’t ban any particular song, because to me the problem isn’t christmas music as such, it’s shops and radio stations that put them on a constant rotation. While there are many good candidates for “worst christmas song”, it’s a highly subjective thing, and eliminating one would just mean that a whole load of others would be played slightly more frequently, thereby increasing their coefficient of awfulness.
Come the revolution, I’ll pass a law that no two consecutive christmas songs can be played in a public place or broadcast over a public medium.
About a week ago, the muzak at my workplace started playing Christmas songs. This year, they put in a few that I had not heard before.
I had not thought it possible for a song to be more annoying than “Santa Baby”, but “I Wanta See Santa Do The Mambo” succeeds.
Fortunately, I still have not heard “Christmas Shoes”.
I told Santa to leave each one you a lump of anthracite in your stockings…
All of them.
I listen right now at work to Xmas music for 40 hours a week.
Waterboarding would be a farkin’ treat compared to the glurgy crap.
It’s gotta be “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” for me.
Lucky me, I’ve never heard the Christmas Shoes song. But I do listen to country sometimes, there is definitely a lot of cheese there from certain artists.
The Stupidest Angel by Christopher Moore does just that. It’s a brilliantly funny book – go get yourself a copy.
All of them. I hate the Christmas glurge. Hypocrites. But most of all: Last Christmas by Wham. It should fall under the Geneva Convention.
Bruce is ok though (Santa Claus…).
Quite possibly the only redeeming moment in that festering turd of a film. Well, that and the line about the lobster.
I’m sticking with Do They Know It’s Christmas? but for rotation hell I once worked UPS over the lead-up to Christmas and they had “A Kenny and Dolly Christmas” alternating with Mannheim Steamroller constantly for four weeks straight. Much as I love and respect Dolly Parton, if I ever hear “I Believe in Santa Claus” again I may start screaming and stabbing people at random.
Basil Marceaux ran for the Republican nomination for Governor in Tenneessee this year. Many remember his insane drunk ramblings on the air. Now he’s put out a Christmas song.
StG