Dear Seller,
WTF? This is like an easter-egg hunt, but without the eggs. Or Easter.
Anyway, when I bought the house, I knew you were trying to hide stuff. Thought I found most of it. Erroneously so.
Re-wiring the diy job which turned this house into a death-trap was a bitch, but manageable.
Painting over the lovely shades of pink, salmon and forest green :rolleyes: merely an aestethic adjustment, though I will have a job convincing future buyers that the “stucco effect” walls were your attempt at creating a “cantina atmosphere”, rather than hiding cracks.
Anchoring the basement wall, which was bowing to the point of structural failure was something I expected, so that really doesn’t count.
You could’ve left the blinds, with the odd sizes of the windows here odds are slim that you can use them in your new house, but at least you replaced them with taped together plastic placemats :eek:
No, what pisses me off is the plumbing.
You rat bastard! I know you knew of the plumbing problems: in hind-sight, it is the reason for the de-humidifier you had going in the laundry room, as all the leaks on the main floor slowly drip through the laundry room ceiling. Apparently, judging from the state of the underside of the main-floor flooring, it has been doing so for years. (Thanks for the cunningly constructed dropped ceiling - hid it nicely!) What for the life of me I don’t get is why you didn’t fucking well just fix it! Or, seeing your handy work, please to God have it fixed! Instead, one by one I’ve discovered that we have:
Toilet - not seated on your typical wax bowl ring, but set loose on the flange, with some dabs of plumber’s putty here and there. No bolts, either.
Sink: missing washers and worn out thread on the watersupply connection to the faucet, “fixed” by applying putty on the inside of the nuts. Leaking like a sieve.
That same sink: drain assembly is loose pvc pipe held together with -Yeah!- putty.
Bathroom #2: The toilet ball cock valve is cracked on top, meaning that every flush, water sprays straight up, hitting the tank lid. Most will drip back into the tank-but not all. Some, ultimately, ends up in the laundry room below. This is an $7 / 15 minute repair. But not for you. For you, putty on the crack was the answer. Fuckwit. Oh, and the sink in that bathroom? apparently, the putty-instead-of-nuts-and-washers on the drain assembly is a theme of yours. I’ll be replacing the flooring beneath this one, though, because it must have been the sink you used most - it’s rotted through.
The basement bathroom is a work of art. Here we have a drainpipe which rotted through, covered in (of course) putty. In a bizarre twist on the theme, though, this mound of putty is covered in pvc glue, as some kind of waterproofing glaze.
I’m scared of the bath tubs. Really, scared enough to not at this point check them out.
Dear seller, I’m a grown man, 6’2" 238 lbs. I’ve played rugby. I deal with some of the most heinous and evil people on a daily basis. But you made me cry.