I’d want to know, gossip be damned.
I had something similar come up at an “ethical conduct” seminar. The hypothetical was - I come across information at work that ABC Pty Ltd is going broke. At the same time I find out that a friend is going to invest in the company. The attitude of the guy running the course, an investigator for the Independent Commission Against Corruption, was that I could not tell my friend because I had found out the information as a result of my priviliged position. I said that I couldn’t sit by and allow a friend to commit an error that I could prevent. I engaged him in a long argument that my access to the information was entirely coincidental, that I did not seek it out on behalf of my friend and that as a friend he was entitled to the full benefits of my knowledge and intellect provided that I acquired my knowledge in an ethical way.
Eventually he agreed that I had a defendable position and used our argument to point out how easy it is to find yourself in a position where others may question your actions/motives. However he said that if you can intellectually justify your behaviour before the event you are probably fine.
Yeah, the direct approach would probably be best, then - just go to him and lay it all out for him; “I know this is none of my business, and I would normally not say anything, but if you do X, I happen to know that it is a bad idea because of Y.” I would not be comfortable meddling based on gossip, either, but my sense of integrity would not allow me to let someone make a serious mistake if I could have prevented it.
The upside of the honest approach is that not only do you give him vital information about his decision, but he also gets to find out who not to tell secrets to. 
If it were me, I’d keep my mouth shut.
I’m with **Giraffe **and **Earthworm **Jim. The downside of telling him might be social awkwardness, hurt feelings, diminished friendship … The downside of not telling him sounds like it could be life changing, in a negative way.
This seems a little tongue-clucky to me on your part. We have no idea if the OP was engaged in a deep dish session or if the cow-orker said something as she passed in the hallway.
If your own piece of the info is something that you are allowed to tell I would do it. Just tell the person that gossipy McGossiper talked to you and you know it’s none of your business, but you would hate to see them hurt. If it’s something like a job layoff or firing that you are not supposed to tell anyway, then I wouldn’t.
How did the gossiper approach you about this, by the way? Was it something like “I am going to tell you a secret that you must never divulge, blah blah” and you agreed to keep the secret? Or did she just tell you and then add “by the way, don’t tell first person I said anything.” Was gossiper telling you out of concern for the person or just because they had something juicy to spread around?
It’s hard to know without the exact details, but if you can or are allowed to share your own part of the info, and there is just no way to bring it up otherwise, then I would just come out and tell them everything. Unless you gave gossiper some reason to expect your word that you would not say anything, and then I would approach her first and give her a heads up like “I know you told me ABC in confidence but I know something that makes me feel morally obligated to talk to person about it. I don’t want to break your trust but I have to speak up, would you like to talk to her first, etc.”
The gossip and I were talking about something completely unrelated to my coworker. Then the gossip said, “Oh by the way, blah blah blah blah.” And apparently (I’ve discovered today) what the gossip told me he learned by eavesdropping–not through any confidence by my coworker.
As I said upthread, I’m not worried about the gossip. He’s a gossip. He didn’t try to swear me to secrecy or anything since he doesn’t even seem to grasp that the things he says are a violation of anyone’s privacy.
tongue-clucky?I haven’t come across this expression before. Are you complimenting me? Is it a mortal insult?
From context I think you’re referring to the disapproving “teh” or “tsk” sounds, but I don’t feel I was disapproving of jsgoddes. Alternatively, the clicking sound one can make using the tongue doesn’t have any meaning attached for me. Anyone care to fill me in?
Drop the Gossip in the shit. As long as what you know (that the Gossip doesn’t) is within your rights to tell your friend, then let the friend know everything.
'I was talking to Gossip the other day, and he mentioned overhearing you say [HIS GOSSIP] . well I happen to know [JSGODDESS’s SECRET] and thought you had better know it too"
Don’t necessarily tell them what they planned to do would have been bad, just give your friend all the details.
Bippy, hit the nail on the head.
By the way, can you give us a rough approximation of the amount of monaey in question here?
I’ve thought about it and you’re right. I was.
Okay, more detail.
My coworker (I’m going to call him Fred) did something incredibly stupid and embarrassing a couple of months ago. He is unaware that anyone here knows. As far as I know, only two other people here do know–me and my boss. I was told by an outside party (I’m going to call him Anthony). Boss was also told by Anthony, and Anthony told Boss that I knew. I learned that Boss knew when Boss told me not to spread it around (which I wouldn’t have done anyway).
Gossipboy came to me and said that Fred said that it had been a couple of months and Boss would eventually find out about “the situation” and that therefore Fred should take the new job while he had the opportunity. Gossipboy claimed he didn’t know what it meant and he was obviously hoping that I would fill him in. I just looked at him and said I had no idea what he was talking about. I thought Gossipboy must have known about the incident but was trying to find out if I knew. Today I found out that Fred didn’t tell Gossipboy any of this, but was on his cell phone with someone, so Gossipboy really didn’t know what was going on at all. (And I hope I’m a good enough actor that he didn’t get anything from me.)
I do think I know what the “new job” would be, and if it’s the job I think it is, it would be a pay cut of about $10,000 initially, plus losing a number of the perks he has with his current job (for example, he’d be switching from salary to hourly, going from 5 weeks paid time off to (I think) 2, etc.). Fred has a tendency to act as if those perks are worthless, though.
So, I’m basing everything on hearsay and gossip, which is bad. I’m guessing about the new job, which is bad. I think he’s stupidly ignoring some of the perks of his current job, which is judgmental. And if I confront him, I’ll be telling him that not only do I know about the embarrassing thing, Boss does too.
I don’t know if he’s considering quitting because he hopes that means embarrassing thing won’t come out, or if he’s considering quitting because he thinks there would be repercussions for his job if embarrassing thing comes out. If it’s 2, I can reassure him. But if it’s 1, me talking to him creates the situation he was hoping to avoid.
And, of course, the kicker is that I’m trusting Gossipboy’s information at all and I have no way of knowing if Fred is really considering quitting, or how seriously.
I don’t know if this additional detail actually changes any of the above answers.
Okay, I didn’t really wonder about any of that, but now I am forced to wonder what “the situation” entailed!
Ha. Nope, that sucker is going to the grave with me. 
Well, would he be grateful if you told him? Or would he think you a good-for-nothing busybody?
I’m guessing that it’s something like a DUI, or maybe a prostitute or something, but I could be way off.
Anyway, it’s not a horrible situation, if he wants to change jobs. I guess I would make the decision based on how close I am to Fred. If he was a pal of mine, and wouldn’t be super horrified to find out that I knew about his mistake, I would tell him. If I was just a co-worker and thought he would just die of shame if he thought anyone knew about him, I would let it go.
I guess weigh in your mind what would cause him the most distress - to be ‘found out’ as it were about the mistake, or taking a new job. My leaning here is to tell him the truth, being as discreet as possible, so he knows the whole picture. But if you really don’t know him, and the mistake is a huge one or supremely embarassing to bring up, then I would shut up about it.
Okay, please clarify. Is what you should tell “Fred” this:
“Hey, Fred, boss already knows that you [shall we say] had sex with a goat and it’s not going to have any bearing on your employment here so don’t go taking another job just because of that.” ?
After reading your latest explanation I would lean towards NOT saying anything to Fred. Way too much speculation is going on here. You’re bound to make things worse, if that’s possible.
If his job is really not in jeopardy (as far as you know) then maybe let Fred know that you think he’s doing a great job and that you feel the boss thinks the same way. Re-assure him that he’s a quality member of the team and such.
If I knew the answer to that, I wouldn’t have posted the thread, honestly.
It kinda sounds like the event was not work-related so even if the boss did fire Fred over it would it even be a legal firing? Since the boss aleady knows and Fred is still there is telling us something, no?