This thread makes me want to start bringing along a bottle of Drano and a can of Glade with me as protective measures.
I guess I would be a Grand Am Ass. 
This won’t top Tangent’s story, but:
Once upon a time, at work:
I saunted down the hall and down the stairs to the men’s room after lunch and enjoyed a long, satisfying, odiferous defecation. I failed to notice that the building had gotten quiet. When I finished, I washed my hands and exited into the hall. As I turned, walking toward me were two men in full HazMat suites with a firefighter in full regalia, including axe, walking toward me. I thought, “Damn, I didn’t smell that bad, did I?”
It turned out they someone had spilled some chlorine somewhere in the building. But, it was definitely a case of strange timing.
Dude you so win for the funniest post ever. Ten years on the net and you just busted my “Laugh out loud” cherry!
Excuse me while I go change my PJ’s.
Don’t forget a stick for poking obstinate turds.
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Hmm … Obstinate Turds?
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Band name?
I had an incident similar to Tangent’s story, but for me the log split at about the 4th flush. At which point both ends wedged themselves into the exit hole. I tried flushing again, but at this point the doubled over log was quite effectively clogging the exit, and the water was beginning to rise. Also, this was not a one-hole situation, there were others in the bathroom and people sitting outside who could hear every flush. I knew another flush would be dangerous, so I waited in the bathroom until the people who came in while I was flushing left and exited my stall. I tried my best to lock it from the outside so no one would happen across the horror, and then booked it to building maintenance to report the mess I had “found.”
Dang, forgot to mention the other thing–
What pisses me off at work is the water cooler etiquette. I stop at the water cooler about twice a day. About every other time I go over there, the water bottle is empty and I have to get a new one. I’m a little 5’2’’ girl and when I carry the big bottle everyone is like “Hey, let someone else do that, it’s bigger than you, har har har.” Thanks fuckers, but obviously I’m one of 2 people in this 100+ person office who changes this bottle, and I’m thirsty now. Is it so hard to put a little effort into things? Use the water, empty the bottle, get a new dang bottle. A little help here?
that’s not so bad. Piss is sterile…and I mean, why waste clean fresh water on one piss? Ever hear the saying “if it’s yellow let it mellow?”
but i do hate shit…i rememeber living in the dorms, at school and realizing that a lot of people had horrible hygyine issues.
I hate the stinking mega dump thing too. Especially when I’m pregnant and my gag reflex is on a hair trigger. I’ve had to pee so bad before and entered a bathroom only to have to run out to keep from vomiting from the smell. Now I hate it because my 4 years old say’s “momma somethings stinky” when we enter the bathroom. I usually have my other diaper wearing baby with us so I blame it on her.
Along these same lines, I hate when I’m in a stall with my son and someone close by rips off a big fart and he cracks up laughing…but hey if they are going to do it in a public bathroom…
Yeah but what if the sink is full of unwashed dishes, as mine often is.
Buggered then I tell ya, buggered literally that is
Tangent, I woke the kids up laughing at your post! Its one of the funniest posts I’ve ever read here and thats saying something!
People would get them confused with the Recalcitrant Floaters.
Damn, saoirse it sure does stink in this thread!
On a related note, I wonder if people change their breathing habits when they walk into a funkified bathroom. You know, switch from nose-breathing to mouth-breathing so you could avoid the stench. I’ve tried but just can’t do it. I have to keep breathing through my nose no matter how bad it stinks. In fact I can feel my mouth closing up even tighter.
I wonder why that is.
I know I’ve tried that. What I’ve noticed is that my brain, armed with the knowledge their is something in the air, then creates the illusion of some kind of taste or mild sensation in my mouth. I find this so unpleasant I usually start breathing with my nose again, in short bursts.
On a less disgusting but still annoying note…
Usually when I am lying in bed in the morning, I’ll know I have to pee, but the sensation won’t hit me until I’m upright. Then it’s like goddam Niagara Falls wants to pour out through my man meat. This always happens when I stay at my GF’s place. So I’ll lie there for 15 minutes while I contemplate getting vertical. Eventually I will, and the floodgates begin to open. Usually this is no ordinary mortal piss. It’s almost metaphysical, a deep spiritual piss, the volume of which is comparable to geological time.
And without fail, this is the exact moment that my GF decides to use the bathroom. To write a novel, evidently.
This scene strikes me as perfect material for a bit on Curb Your Enthusiasm … Larry David is having some kinda stomach problem at the beginning of the episode which he casually mentions to some friends. Word gets around the grapevine that Larry is a septic tank bomb. By the end of the episode, he’s feeling better though and everything seems fine. In the final scene, Larry is at a restaurant and spills something on his shirt, so he goes to the bathroom to clean up the spot only to find the toilet backed up and the entire place stinks to high heaven. He turns to leave hurriedly, and just as he’s exiting the door, someone he knows walks in, overwhelmed, to the scene of the crime. Poor Larry, always the victim of circumstance. Cue title music.
Let me also be the next in line to say your post cracked me up, Tangent. 
You mean you’d prefer to taste it? :eek:
I hate seeing a sticky footprints in urine on the floor around the urinal. Pee in the goddam urinal!!
I don’t think I have taste buds for methane or hydrogen sulfide
I suppose if the stink is bad enough that you can taste it, you can probably see it and maybe even hear it. In which case the HAZMAT authorities need to be called before it becomes self-aware.
Well, it’s your brain that’s ordering your mouth to stay shut. And it’s probably a part of your brain that doesn’t require a gas spectrograph analysis before making that decision.